The Story
of O
By
Pauline Réage
I
The Lovers of Roissy
Her lover
one day takes O for a walk in a section of the city where they never go - the
Montsouris Park. After they have taken a stroll in the park, and have sat
together side by side on the edge of a lawn, they notice, at one corner of the
park, at an intersection where there are never any taxis, a car which, because
of its meter, resembles a taxi.
"Get
in," he says.
She gets
in. It is autumn, and coming up to dusk. She is dressed as she always is: high
heels, a suit with a pleated skirt, a silk blouse, and no hat. But long gloves
which come up over the sleeves of her jacket, and in her leather handbag she
has her identification papers, her compact, and her lipstick.
The taxi
moves off slowly, the man still not having said a word to the driver. But he
pulls down the shades of the windows on both sides of the car, and the shade on
the back window. She has taken off her gloves, thinking he wants to kiss her or
that he wants her to caress him. But instead he says:
"Your
bag's in your way; let me have it."
She gives
it to him. He puts it out of her reach and adds:
"You
also have on too many clothes. Unfasten your stockings and roll them down to
above your knees. Here are some garters."
By now the
taxi has picked up speed, and she has some trouble managing it; she's also
afraid the driver may turn around. Finally, though, the stockings are rolled
down, and she's embarrassed to feel her legs naked and free beneath her silk
slip. Besides, the loose garter-belt suspenders are slipping back and
forth.
"Unfasten
your garter belt," he says, "and take off your panties."
That's
easy enough, all she has to do is slip her hands behind her back and raise
herself slightly. He takes the garter belt and panties from her, opens her bag
and puts them in, then says:
"You
shouldn't sit on your slip and skirt. Pull them up behind you and sit directly
on the seat."
The seat
is made of some sort of imitation leather, which is slippery and cold: it's
quite an extraordinary sensation to feel it sticking to your thighs. Then he
says:
"Now
put your gloves back on."
The taxi
is still moving along at a good clip, and she doesn't dare ask why René just
sits there without moving or saying another word, nor can she guess what all
this means to him - having her there motionless, silent, so stripped and
exposed, so thoroughly gloved, in a black car going God knows where. He hasn't
told her what to do or what not to do, but she's afraid either to cross her
legs or press them together. She sits with gloved hands braced on either side
of her seat.
"Here
we are," he says suddenly. Here we are: the taxi stops on a lovely avenue,
beneath a tree - they are plane trees - in front of some sort of small private
home which can be seen nestled between the courtyard and the garden, the type
of small private dwelling one finds along the Faubourg Saint-Germain. The
street lamps are some distance away, and it is still fairly dark inside the
car. Outside it is raining.
"Don't
move," René says. "Sit perfectly still."
His hand
reaches for the collar of her blouse, unties the bow, then unbuttons the
blouse. She leans forward slightly, thinking he wants to fondle her breasts.
No. He is merely groping for the shoulder straps of her brassiere, which he
snips with a small penknife. Then he takes it off. Now, beneath her blouse,
which he has buttoned back up, her breasts are naked and free, as is the rest
of her body, from waist to knee.
"Listen,"
he says. "Now you're ready. This is where I leave you. You're to get out
and go ring the doorbell. Follow whoever opens the door for you, and do
whatever you're told. If you hesitate about going in, they'll come and take you
in. If you don't obey immediately, they'll force you to. Your bag? No, you have
no further need for your bag. You're merely the girl I'm furnishing. Yes, of
course I'll be there. Now run along."
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Another
version of the same beginning was simpler and more direct: the young woman,
dressed in the same way, was driven by her lover and an unknown friend. The
stranger was driving, the lover was seated next to the young woman, and it was
the unknown friend who explained to the young woman that her lover had been
entrusted with the task of getting her ready, that he was going to tie her
hands behind her back, unfasten her stockings and roll them down, remove her
garter belt, her panties, and her brassiere, and blindfold her. That she would
then be turned over to the château, where in due course she would be instructed
as to what she should do. And, in fact, as soon as she had been thus undressed
and bound, they helped her to alight from the car after a trip that lasted half
an hour, guided her up a few steps and, with her blindfold still on, through
one or two doors. Then, when her blindfold was removed, she found herself
standing alone in a dark room, where they left her for half an hour, or an
hour, or two hours, I can't be sure, but it seemed forever. Then, when at last
the door was opened and the light turned on, you could see that she had been
waiting in a very conventional, comfortable, yet distinctive room: there was a
thick rug on the floor, but not a stick of furniture, and all four walls were
lined with closets. The door had been opened by two women, two young and
beautiful women dressed in the garb of pretty eighteenth-century chambermaids:
full skirts made out of some light material, which were long enough to conceal
their feet; tight bodices, laced or hooked in front, which sharply accentuated
the bust line; lace frills around the neck; half-length sleeves. They were
wearing eye shadow and lipstick. Both wore a close-fitting collar and had tight
bracelets on their wrists.
I know it
was at this point that they freed O's hands, which were still tied behind her
back, and told her to get undressed, they were going to bathe her and make her
up. They proceeded to strip her till she hadn't a stitch of clothing left, then
put her clothes away neatly in one of the closets. She was not allowed to bathe
herself, and they did her hair as at the hairdresser's, making her sit in one
of those large chairs which tilts back when they wash your hair and straightens
back up after the hair has been set and you're ready for the dryer. That always
takes at least an hour. Actually it took more than an hour, but she was seated
on this chair, naked, and they kept her from either crossing her legs or
bringing them together. And since the wall in front of her was covered from
floor to ceiling with a large mirror, which was unbroken by any shelving, she
could see herself, thus open, each time her gaze strayed to the mirror.
When she
was properly made up and prepared - her eyelids pencilled lightly; her lips
bright red; the tip and halo of her breasts highlighted with pink; the edges of
her nether lips rouged; her armpits and pubis generously perfumed, and perfume
also applied to the furrow between her thighs, the furrow beneath her breasts,
and to the hollows of her hands - she was led into a room where a three-sided
mirror, and another mirror behind, enabled her to examine herself closely. She
was told to sit down on the ottoman, which was set between the mirror, and
wait. The ottoman was covered with black fur, which pricked her slightly; the
rug was black, the walls red. She was wearing red mules. Set in one of the
walls of the small bedroom was a large window, which looked out onto a lovely,
dark park. The rain had stopped, the trees were swaying in the wind, the moon
raced high among the clouds.
I have no
idea how long she remained in the red bedroom, or whether she was really alone,
ad she surmised, or whether someone was watching her through a peephole
camouflaged in the wall. All I know is that when the two women returned, one
was carrying a dressmaker's tape measure and the other a basket. With them came
a man dressed in a long purple robe, full at the shoulders. When he walked the
robe flared open, from the waist down. One could see that beneath his robe he
had on some sort of tights, which covered his legs and thighs but left the sex
exposed. It was the sex that O saw first, when he took his first step, then the
whip, made of leather thongs, which he had stuck in his belt. Then she saw that
the man was masked by a black hood - which concealed even his eyes behind a
network of black gauze - and, finally, that he was also wearing fine black kid
gloves.
Using the
familiar tu form of address, he told her not to move and ordered the
women to hurry. The woman with the tape then took the measurements of O's neck
and wrists. Though on the small side, her measurements were in no way out of
the ordinary, and it was easy enough to find the right-sized collar and
bracelets, in the basket the other woman was carrying. Both collar and
bracelets were made of several layers of leather (each layer being fairly thin,
so that the total was no more than the thickness of a finger). They had clasps,
which functioned automatically like a padlock when it closes, and they could be
opened only by means of a small key. Imbedded in the layers of leather,
directly opposite the lock, was a snugly fitting metal ring, which hallowed one
to get a grip on the bracelet, if one wanted to attach it, for both collar and
bracelets fit the arms and neck so snugly - although not so tight as to be the
least painful - that it was impossible to slip any bond inside.
So they
fastened the collar and bracelets to her neck and wrists, and the man told her
to get up. He took her place on the fur ottoman, called her over till she was
touching his knees, slipped his gloved hand between her thighs and over her
breasts, and explained to her that she would be presented that same evening,
after she had dined alone.
She did in
fact dine by herself, still naked, in a sort of little cabin where an invisible
hand passed the dishes to her through a small window in the door. Finally, when
the dinner was over, the two women came for her. In the bedroom, they fastened
the two bracelet rings together behind her back. They attached a long red cape
to the ring of her collar and draped it over her shoulders. It covered her
completely, but opened when she walked, since, with her hands behind her back,
she had no way of keeping it closed. One woman preceded her, opening the doors,
and the other followed, closing them behind her. They crossed a vestibule, two
drawing rooms, and went into the library, where four men were having coffee.
They were wearing the same long robes as the first, but no masks. And yet O did
not have time to see their faces or ascertain whether her lover was among them
(he was), for one of the men shone a light in her eyes and blinded her.
Everyone remained stock still, the two women flanking her and the men in front,
studying her. Then the light went out; the women left. But O was blindfolded
again. Then they made her walk forward - she stumbled slightly as she went -
until she felt that she was standing in front of the fire around which the four
men were seated: she could feel the heat, and in the silence she could hear the
quiet crackling of the burning logs. She was facing the fire. Two hands lifted
her cape, two others - after having checked to see that her bracelets were
attached - descended the length of her back and buttocks. The hands were not
gloved, and one of them penetrated her in both places at once, so abruptly that
she cried out. Someone laughed. Someone else said:
"Turn
her around, so we can see the breasts and the belly."
They
turned her around, and the heat of the fire was against her back. A hand seized
one of her breasts, a mouth fastened on the tip of the other. But suddenly she
lost her balance and fell backward (supported by whose arms?), while they
opened her legs and gently spread her lips. Hair grazed the insides of her thighs.
She heard them saying that they would have to make her kneel down. This they
did. She was extremely uncomfortable in this position, especially because they
forbade her to bring her knees together and because her arms pinioned behind
her forced her to lean forward. Then they let her rock back a bit, as nuns are
wont to do.
"You've
never tied her up?"
"No,
never."
"And
never whipped her?"
"No,
never whipped her either. But as a matter of fact..."
It was her
lover speaking.
"As a
matter of fact," the other voice went on, "if you do tie her up from
time to time, or whip her just a little, and she begins to like it, that's no
good either. You have to get past the pleasure stage, until you reach the stage
of tears."
Then they
made O get up and were on the verge of untying her, probably in order to attach
her to some pole or wall, when someone protested that he wanted to take her
first, right there on the spot. So they made her kneel down again, this time
with her bust on an ottoman, her hands still tied behind her, with her hips
higher than her torso. Then one of the men, holding her with both his hands on
her hips, plunged into her belly. He yielded to a second. The third wanted to
force his way into the narrower passage and, driving hard, made her scream.
When he let her go, sobbing and befouled by tears beneath her blindfold, she
slipped to the floor, only to feel someone's knees against her face, and she
realized that her mouth was not to be spared. Finally they let her go, a
captive clothed in tawdry finery, lying on her back in front of the fire. She
could hear glasses being filled and the sound of the men drinking, and the
scraping of chair. They put some more wood on the fire. All of a sudden they
removed her blindfold. The large room, the walls of which were lined with
bookcases, was dimly lit by a single wall lamp and by the light of the fire,
which was beginning to burn more brightly. Two of the men were standing and
smoking. Another was seated, a riding crop on his knees, and the one leaning
over her fondling her breast was her lover. All four of them had taken her, and
she had not been able to distinguish him from the others.
They
explained to her that this was how it would always be, as long as she was in
the château, that she would see the faces of those who violated or tormented
her, but never at night, and she would never know which ones had been
responsible for the worst. The same would be true when she was whipped, except
that they wanted her to see herself being whipped, and so this once she would
not be blindfolded. They, on the other hand, would don their masks, and she
would no longer be able to tell them apart.
Her lover
had helped her to her feet, still wrapped in her red cape, made her sit down on
the arm of an easy chair near the fire, so that she could hear what they had to
tell her and see what they wanted to show her. Her hands were still behind her
back. They showed her the riding crop, which was long, black, and delicate,
made of thin bamboo encased in leather, the kind one sees in the windows of
better riding equipment shops; the leather whip, which the first man she had
seen had been carrying in his belt, was long and consisted of six lashes
knotted at the end. There was a third whip of fairly thin cords, each with several
knots at the end: the cords were quite stiff, as though they had been soaked in
water, which in fact they had, as O discovered, for they caressed her belly
with them and nudged open her thighs, so that she could feel how stiff and damp
the cords were against the tender, inner skin. Then there were the keys and
steel chains on the console table. Along one entire wall of the library,
halfway between floor and ceiling, ran a gallery which was supported by two
columns. A hook was imbedded in one of them, just high enough for a man
standing on tiptoe, with his arms stretched above his head, to reach. They told
O, supporting her shoulders, and the other in the furrow of her loins, which
burned so she could hardly bear it, they told her that her hands would be
untied, but merely so that they could be fastened anew, a short while later, to
the pole, using these same bracelets and one of the steel chains. They said
that, with the exception of her hands, which would be held just above her head,
she would thus be able to move and see the blows coming: that in principle she
would be whipped only on the thighs and buttocks, in other words between her
waist and knees, in the same region which had been prepared in the car that had
brought her here, when she had been made to sit naked on the seat; but that in
all likelihood one of the four men present would want to mark her thighs with
the riding crop, which makes lovely long deep welts which last a long time. She
would not have to endure all this at once; there would be ample time for her to
scream, to struggle, and to cry. They would grant her some respite, but as soon
as she had caught her breath they would start in again, judging the results not
from her screams or tears but from the size and color of the welts they had
raised. They remarked to her that this method of judging the effectiveness of
the whip - besides being equitable - also made it pointless for the victims to
exaggerate their suffering in an effort to arouse pity, and thus enabled them
to resort to the same measures beyond the château walls, outdoors in the park -
as was often done - or in any ordinary apartment or hotel room, assuming a gag
was used (such as the one they produced and showed her there on the spot), for
the gag stifled all screams and eliminates all but the most violent moans,
while allowing tears to flow without restraint.
There was
no question of using it that night. On the contrary, they wanted to hear her
scream; and the sooner the better. The pride she mustered to resist and remain
silent did not long endure: they even heard her beg them to untie her, to stop
for a second, just for a second. So frantically did she writhe, trying to
escape the bite of the leashes, that she turned almost completely around, on
the near side of the pole, for the chain which held her was long and although
quite solid, was fairly slack. As a result, her belly and the front of her
thighs were almost as marked as her backside. They made up their minds, after
in fact having stopped for a moment, to begin again only after a rope had been
attached first to her waist, then to the pole. Since they tied her tightly, to
keep her waist snug to the pole, her torso was forced slightly to one side, and
this in turn caused her buttocks to protrude in the opposite direction.
>From then on the blows landed on their target, unless aimed deliberately
elsewhere. Given the way her lover had handed her over, had delivered her into
this situation, O might have assumed that to beg him for mercy would have been
the surest method for making him redouble his cruelty, so great was his
pleasure in extracting, or having the others extract, from her this
unquestionable proof of his power. And indeed he was the first to point out
that the leather whip, the first they had used on her, left almost no marks (in
contrast to the whip made of water-soaked cords, which marked almost upon
contact, and the riding crop, which raised immediate welts), and thus allowed
them to prolong the agony and follow their fancies in starting and stopping. He
asked them to use only the whip.
Meanwhile,
the man who liked women only for what they had in common with men, seduced by
the available behind which was straining at the bonds knotted just below the
waist, a behind made all the more enticing by its efforts to dodge the blows,
called for an intermission in order to take advantage of it. He spread the two
parts, which burned beneath his hands, and penetrated - not without some
difficulty - remarking as he did that the passage would have to be rendered
more easily accessible. They all agreed that this could, and would, be
done.
When they
untied the young woman, she staggered and almost fainted, draped in her red
cape. Before returning her to the cell she was to occupy, they sat her down in
an armchair near the fire and outlined for her the rules and regulations she
was to follow during her stay in the château and later in her daily life after
she had left it (which did not mean regaining her freedom, however). Then they
rang. The two young women who had first received her came in, bearing the
clothes she was to wear during her stay and tokens by which those who had been
hosts at the château before her arrival and those who would be after she had
left, might recognize her. Her outfit was similar to theirs: a long dress with
a full skirt, worn over a sturdy whalebone bodice gathered tightly at the
waist, and over a stiffly starched linen petticoat. The low-cut neck scarcely
concealed the breasts which, raised by the constricting bodice, were only
lightly veiled by the network of lace. The petticoat was white, as was the
lace, and the dress and bodice were a sea-green satin. When O was dressed and
resettled in her chair beside the fire, her pallor accentuated by the color of
the dress, the two young women, who had not uttered a word, prepared to leave.
One of the four friends seized one of them as she passed, made a sign for the
other to wait, and brought the girl he had stopped back toward O. He turned her
around and, holding her by the waist with one hand, lifted her skirt with the
other, in order to demonstrate to O, he said, the practical advantages of the
costume and show how well designed it was. He added that all one needed to keep
the skirts raised was a simple belt, which made everything that lay beneath
readily available. In fact, they often had the girls go about in the château or
the park either like this, or with their skirts tucked up in front, waist high.
They had the young woman show O how she would have to keep her skirt: rolled up
several turns (like a lock of hair rolled in a curler) and secured tightly by a
belt, either directly in front, to expose the belly, or in the middle of the
back, to leave the buttocks free. In either case, skirt and petticoat fell
diagonally away in large, cascading folds of intermingled material. Like O, the
young woman's backside bore fresh welt from the riding crop. She left the
room.
Here is
the speech they then delivered to O:
"You
are here to serve your masters. During the day, you will perform whatever
domestic duties are assigned to you, such as sweeping, putting back the books,
arranging flowers, or waiting on table. Nothing more difficult than that. But
at the first word or sign from anyone you will drop whatever you are doing and
ready yourself for what is really your one and only duty: to lend yourself.
Your hands are not your own, nor are your breasts, nor, most especially, any of
your bodily orifices, which we may explore or penetrate at will. You will
remember at all times - or as constantly as possible - that you have lost all
right to privacy or concealment, and as a reminder of this fact, in our
presence you will never close your lips completely, or cross your legs, or
press your knees together (you may recall you were forbidden to do this the
minute you arrived). This will serve as a constant reminder, to you as well as
to use, that your mouth, your belly, and your backside are open to us. You will
never touch your breasts in our presence: the bodice raises them toward us,
that they may be ours. During the day you will therefore be dressed, and if
anyone should order you to lift your skirt, you will lift it; if anyone desires
to use you in any manner whatsoever, he will use you, unmasked, but with this
one reservation: the whip. The whip will be used only between dusk and dawn.
But besides the whipping you receive from whoever may want to whip you, you
will also be flogged in the evening, as punishment for any infractions of the
rules committed during the day: for having been slow to oblige, for having
raised your eyes and looked at the person addressing you or taking you - you
must never look any of us in the face. If the costume we wear in the evening -
the one I am now wearing - leaves our sex exposed, it is not for the sake of
convenience, for it would be just as convenient the other way, but for the sake
of insolence, so that your eyes will be directed there upon it and nowhere
else, so that you may learn that there resides your master, for whom, above all
else, your lips are intended. During the day, when we are dressed in normal
attire and you are clothed as you are now, the same rules will apply, except
that when requested you will open your clothes, and then close them again when
we have finished with you. Another thing: at night you will have only your lips
with which to honor us - and your wide-spread thighs - for your hands will be
tied behind your back and you will be naked, as you were a short while ago. You
will be blindfolded only to be maltreated and, now that you have seen how you
are whipped, to be flogged. And yes, by the way: while it is perfectly all
right for you to grow accustomed to being whipped - since you are going to be
every day throughout your stay - this is less for our pleasure than for your
enlightenment. How true this is may be shown by the fact that on those nights
when no one desires you, you will wait until the valet whose job it is comes to
your solitary cell and administers what you are due to receive but we are not
in the mood to mete out. Actually, both this flogging and the chain - which
when attached to the ring of your collar keeps you more or less closely
confined to your bed several hours a day - are intended less to make you
suffer, scream, or shed tears than to make you feel, through this
suffering, that you are not free but fettered, and to teach you that you are
totally dedicated to something outside yourself. When you leave here, you will
be wearing on your third finger an iron ring, which will identify you. Bu then
you will have learned to obey those who wear the same insignia, and when they
see it they will know that beneath your skirt you are constantly naked, however
comely or commonplace your clothes may be, and that this nakedness is for them.
Should anyone find you in the least intractable, he will return you here. Now
you will be shown to your cell."
While
there were talking to O, the two women who had come to dress her had been
standing on either side of the stake where she had been whipped, without
touching it, as though it terrified them, or as though they had been forbidden
to touch it (which was more likely); when the man had finished, they came over
to O, who realized that she was supposed to get up and follow them. She
therefore got up, gathering her skirts in her arms to keep from tripping, for
she was not used to long dresses and did not feel steady on the mules with
thick soles and very high heels which only a thick satin strip, of the same
green as her dress, kept from slipping off her feet. As she bent down she
turned her head. The women were waiting, the men were no longer looking at her.
Her lover, seated on the floor leaning against the ottoman over which she had
been thrown at the beginning of the evening, with his knees raised and his
elbows on his knees, was toying with the leather whip. As she took her first
step to join the women, her skirt grazed him. He raised his head and smiled,
calling her by her name, and he too stood up. Softly her caressed her hair,
smoothed her eyebrows with the tip of his finger, and softly kissed her on the
lips. In a loud voice, he told her that he loved her. O, trembling, was
terrified to notice that she answered "I love you," and that it was
true. He pulled her against him and said: "Darling, sweetheart,"
kissed her on the neck and the curve of the cheek; she had let her head fall on
his shoulder, which was covered by the purple robe. Very softly this time he
repeated to her that he loved her, and very softly added: "You're going to
kneel down, cress me, and kiss me," and he pushed her away, signaling to
the women to move aside so he could lean back against the console. He was tall,
but the table was not very high and his long legs, sheathed in the same purple
as his robe, were bent. The open rope stiffened from beneath like drapes, and
the top of the console table slightly raised his heavy sex and the light fleece
above it. The three men approached. O knelt down on the rug, her green dress in
a corolla around her. Her bodice squeezed her; her breasts whose nipples were
visible, were at the level of her lover's knees. "A little more
light," said one of the men. As they were adjusting the lamp so that the
beam of light would fall directly on his sex and on his mistress's face, which
was almost touching it, and on her hands which were caressing him from below,
René suddenly ordered: "Say it again: 'I love you.'" O repeated
"I love you," with such delight that her lips hardly dared brush the
tip of his sex, which was still protected by its sheath of soft flesh. The
three men, who were smoking, commented on her gestures, on the movement of her
mouth closed and locked on the sex she had seized, as it worked its way up and
down, on the way tears streamed down her ravaged face each time the swollen
member struck the back of her throat and made her gag, depressing her tongue and
causing her to feel nauseous. It was this same mouth which, half gagging on the
hardened flesh which filled it, murmured again: "I love you." The two
women had taken up positions to the right and left of René who had one arm
around each of their shoulders. O could hear the comments made by those
present, , but through their words she strained to hear her lover's moans,
caressing him carefully, slowly , and with infinite respect, the way she knew
pleased him. O felt that her mouth was beautiful, since her lover condescended
to thrust himself into it, since he deigned publicly to offer caresses to it,
since, finally, he deigned to discharge in it. She received as a god is
received, she heard him cry out, heard the others laugh, and when she had
received it she fell, her face against the floor. The two women picked her up,
and this time they led her away.
The mules
banged on the red tiles of the hallway, where doors succeeded doors, discreet
and clean, with tiny locks, like the doors of the rooms in big hotels. O was
working up the courage to ask whether each of these rooms was occupied, and by
whom, when one of her companions, whose voice she had not yet heard said to
her:
"You're
in the red wing, and your valet's name is Pierre."
"What
valet?" said O, struck by the gentleness of the voice. "And what's
your name?"
"Andrée."
"Mine
is Jeanne," said the second.
"The
valet is the one who has the keys," the first one went on, "the one
who will chain and unchain you, who will whip you when you are to be punished
and when the others have no time for you."
"I
was in the red wing last year," Jeanne said. "Pierre was there
already. He often came in at night. The valets have the keys and the right to
use any of us in the rooms of their section."
O was
about to ask what kind of person this Pierre was, but she did not have time to.
As they turned a corner of the hallway, they made her halt before a door
similar in all respects to the others: on a bench between this and the
following door she noticed a sort of thick-set, ruddy peasant, whose head was
practically clean shaved, with small black eyes set deep in his skull and rolls
of flesh on his neck. He was dressed like the valet in some operetta: a shirt
whose lace frills peeked out from beneath his black vest, which itself was
covered by a red jacket of the kind called a spencer. He had black breeches,
white stockings, and patent-leather pumps. He too was carrying a
leather-thonged whip in his belt. His hands were covered with red hair. He took
a master key from his vest pocket, ushered the three women in, and said:
"I'm
locking the door. Ring when you've finished."
The cell
was quite small, and actually consisted of two rooms. With the hall door
closed, they found themselves in an antechamber which opened into the cell
proper; in this same wall, inside the room itself, was another door which
opened into the bathroom. Opposite the doors there was the window. Against the
left wall, between the doors and the window, stood the head of a large square
bed, which was very low and covered with furs. There was no other furniture, no
mirror. The walls were bright red, and the rug black. Andrée pointed out to O
that the bed was less a bed than a mattressed platform covered with a black,
longhaired imitation fur material. The pillow, hard and flat like the mattress,
was of the same reversible material. The only object on any of the walls was a
thick, gleaming steel ring which was set at about the same height above the bed
as the hook in the stake had been above the floor of the library; from it
descended a long steel chain directly onto the bed, its links forming a little
pile, the other end being attached at arm's length to a pad-locked hook, like a
drapery pulled back and held in place by a curtain loop.
"We
have to give you your bath," Jeanne said. "I'll unfasten your
dress."
The only
peculiar features of the bathroom were the Turkish-type toilet, located in the
corner nearest the door, and the fact that every inch of wall space was covered
with mirrors. Jeanne and Andrée did not allow O to go in until she was naked.
They put her dress away in the closet next to the washbasin, where her mules
and red cape already were, and remained with her, so that when she had to squat
down over the porcelain pedestal she found herself surrounded by a whole host
of reflections, as exposed as in the library when unknown hands had taken her
by force.
"Wait
until it's Pierre," said Jeanne, "and you'll see."
"Why
Pierre?"
"When
he comes to chain you, he may make you squat."
O felt
herself turn pale. "But why?" she said.
"Because
you have to," Jeanne replied. "But you're lucky."
"Why
lucky?"
"Was
it your lover who brought you here?"
"Yes,"
O said.
"They'll
be a lot harder with you."
"I
don't understand...."
"You
will very soon. I'm ringing for Pierre. We'll come and get you tomorrow
morning."
Andrée
smiled as she left and Jeanne, before following her, caressed the tips of O's
breasts. O, completely taken aback, remained standing at the foot of the bed.
With the exception of the collar and leather bracelets, which the water had
stiffened when she had bathed and were tighter than before, O was naked.
"Behold
the lovely lady," said the valet as he entered. And he seized both her
hands. He slipped one of the bracelet hooks into the other, so that her wrists
were tightly joined, then clipped both these hooks to the ring of the necklace.
Thus her hands were joined as in an attitude of prayer, at the level of her
neck. All that remained to be done was to chain her to the wall with the chain
that was lying on the bed, and was attached to the ring above. He unfastened
the hook by which the other end was attached and pulled on it in order to
shorten it. O was forced to move to the head of the bed, where he made her lie
down. The chain clicked in the ring, and was so tight that the young woman
could do no more than move from one side of the bed to the other or stand up on
either side of the headboard. Since the chain tended to shorten the collar,
that is, pull it backward, and her hands tended to pull it forward, and
equilibrium was established, with her joined hands lying on her left shoulder
and her head bending in that direction as well. The valet pulled the black
cover up over O, but not before he had lifted her legs for a moment and pushed
them back toward her chest, to examine the cleft between her thighs. He did not
touch her further, did not say a word, turned out the light, which was a
bracket lamp on the wall between the two doors, and went out.
Lying on
her left side, alone in the darkness and silence, hot beneath her two layers of
fur, of necessity motionless, O tried to figure out why there was so much
sweetness mingled with the terror in her, or why her terror seemed itself so
sweet. She realized that one of the things that most distressed her was the
fact that she had been deprived of the use of her hands; not that her hands
could have defended her (and did she really want to defend herself?), but had
they been free they would at least have made the gesture, have made an attempt
to repel the hands which seized her, the flesh which pierced her, to protect
her loins from the whip. O's hands had been taken away from her; her body
beneath the fur was inaccessible to her. How strange it was not to be able to
touch one's own knees, or the hollow of one's own belly. The lips between her
legs, her burning lips were forbidden her, and perhaps they were burning
because she knew they were open to the first comer: to the valet Pierre, if he
cared to enter. She was surprised that the whipping she had received had left
her so untroubled, so calm, whereas the thought that she would probably never
know which of the four men had twice taken her from behind, and whether it was
the same man both times, and whether it had been her lover, quite distressed
her. She turned over slightly on her stomach, recalling that her lover loved
the furrow between her buttocks which, except for this evening (if it had been
he), he had never penetrated. She hoped it had been he; would she ask him? Ah,
never! Again she saw the hand which in the car had taken her garter belt and
panties, and had stretched the garters so that she could roll her stockings
down to above her knees. The memory was so vivid that she forgot her hands were
bound and made the chain grate. And why, if she took the memory of the torture
she had gone through so lightly, why did the very idea , the very word or sight
of a whip make her heart beat wildly and her eyes close with terror? She did
not stop to consider whether it was only terror; she was overwhelmed with
panic: they would pull on her chain and haul her to her feet on the bed, and
they would whip her, with her belly glued to the wall they would whip her, whip
her, the word kept turning in her head. Pierre would whip her, Jeanne had said
he would. You're lucky, Jeanne had repeated, they'll be a lot harder on you.
What had she meant by that? She no longer felt anything but the collar, the
bracelets, and the chain; her body was drifting away. She fell asleep.
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In the wee
hours of the night, just before dawn when it is darkest and coldest, Pierre
reappeared. He turned on the light in the bathroom, leaving the door open so
that a square of light fell on the middle of the bed, on the spot where O's
slender body was curled, making a small mound beneath the cover, which silently
he pulled back. Since O was sleeping on her left side, her face to the window
and her legs slightly drawn up, the view she offered him was that of her white
flanks, which seemed even whiter against the black fur. He took the pillow from
beneath her head and said politely:
"Would
you lease stand up," and when she was on her knees, a position she managed
by pulling herself up with the chain, he gave her a hand, taking her by the
elbows so that she could stand up straight with her face to the wall. The
square of light on the bed, which was faint, since the bed was black,
illuminated her body, but not his gestures. She guessed, but could not see,
that he was undoing the chain to rehook it to another link, so that it would
remain taut, and she could feel it growing tighter. Her feet, which were bare,
were solidly planted on the bed. Nor was she able to see that he had in his belt
not the leather whip but the black riding crop similar to the one they had hit
her with while she was tied to the stake, but they had only used it twice on
her and had not hit her hard. She felt Pierre's left hand on her waist, the
Mattress gave a little as, to steady himself, he put his right foot on it. At
the same time as she heard a whistling noise in the semi-darkness, O felt a
terrible burning across her back, and she screamed. Pierre flogged her with all
his might. He did not wait for her screams to subside, but struck her again
four times, being careful each time to lash her above or below the preceding
spot, so that the traces would be all the clearer. Even after he had stopped
she went on screaming, and the tears streamed down into her open mouth.
"Please
be good enough to turn around," he said, and since she, who was completely
distracted, failed to obey, he took her by hips without letting go of his
riding crop, the handle of which brushed against her waist. When she was facing
him, he moved back slightly and lowered his crop on the front of her thighs as
hard as he could. The whole thing had lasted five minutes. When he had left,
after having turned out the light and closed the bathroom door, O was left
moaning in the darkness, swaying back and forth along the wall at the end of
her chain. She tried to stop moaning and to immobilize herself against the
wall, whose gleaming percale was cool on her tortured flesh, as day slowly
began to break. The tall window, toward which she was turned, for she was
leaning on one hip, was facing the east. It extended from floor to ceiling and
except for the drapes - of the same red material as that on the wall - which
graced it on either side and split into stiff folds below the curtain loops
which held it, had not curtains. O watched the slow birth of pale dawn,
trailing its mist among the clusters of asters outside at the foot of her
window, until finally a poplar tree appeared. The yellow leaves from time to
time fell in swirls, although there was no wind. In front of the window, beyond
the bed of purple asters, there was a lawn, at the end of which was a pathway.
It was broad daylight by now, and O had not moved for a long time. A gardener
appeared on the path, pushing a wheelbarrow. The iron wheel could be heard
squeaking over the gravel. If he had come over to rake the leaves that had
fallen in among the asters, the window was so tall and the room so small and
bright that he would have seen O chained and naked and the marks of the riding
crop on her thighs. The cuts were swollen, and had formed narrow swellings much
darker in color than the red of the walls. Where was her lover sleeping, the
way he loved to sleep on quiet mornings? In what room, in what bed? Was he
aware of the pain, the tortures to which he had delivered her? Was he the one
who had decided what they would be? O recalled the prisoners she had seen in
engravings and in history books, who also had been chained and whipped many
years ago, centuries ago, and had died. She did not wish to die, but if torture
was the price she had to pay to keep her lover's love, then she only hoped he
was pleased that she had endured it. All soft and silent she waited, waited for
them to bring her back to him.
None of
the women had the keys to any locks, neither the locks to the doors nor the
chains, the collars or bracelets, but every man carried a ring of three sets of
keys, each of which, in the various categories, opened all the doors or all the
padlocks, or all the collars. The valets had them too. But in the morning the
valets who had been on the night shift were sleeping, and it was one of the
masters or another valet who came to open the locks. The man who came into O's
cell was dressed in a leather jacket and was wearing riding breeches and boots.
She did not recognize him. First he unlocked the chain on the wall, and O was
able to lie down on the bed. Before he unlocked her wrists, he ran his hands
between her thighs, the way the first man with mask and gloves, whom she had
seen in the small red drawing room, had done. It may have been the same one.
His face was bony and fleshless, with that piercing look one associates with
the portraits of the Huguenots, and his hair was gray. O met his gaze for what
seemed to be an endless time and, suddenly freezing, she remembered it was
forbidden to look at the masters above the belt. She closed her eyes, but it
was too late, and she heard him laugh and say, as he finally freed her
hands:
"There
will be a punishment for that after dinner."
He said
something to Jeanne and Andrée who had come in with him and were standing
waiting on either side of the bed, after which he let. Andrée picked up the
pillow, which was on the floor, and the blanket that Pierre had turned down
toward the foot of the bed when he had come to whip O, while Jeanne wheeled,
toward the head of the bed, a serving table which had been brought into the
hallway and on which were coffee, milk, sugar, bread, croissants, and
butter.
"Hurry
up and eat," said Andrée. "It's nine o'clock. Afterward you can sleep
till noon, and when you hear the bell it will be time to get ready for lunch.
You'll bathe and fix your hair. I'll come to make you up and lace up your
bodice."
"You
won't be on duty till afternoon," Jeanne said. "In the library:
you'll serve the coffee and liqueur and tend the fire."
"And
what about you?" O said.
"We're
only supposed to take care of you during the first twenty-four hours of your
stay. After that you're on your own, and will have dealings only with the men.
We won't be able to talk to you, and you won't be able to talk to us
either.":
"Don't
go," O said. "Stay a while longer and tell me..." But she did
not have time to finish her sentence. The door opened; it was her lover, and he
was not alone. It was her lover, dressed the way he used to when he had just
gotten out of bed and lighted the first cigarette of the day; in striped
pajamas and a blue dressing gown, the wool robe with the padded silk lapels
which they had picked out together a year before. And his slippers were worn,
she would have to buy him another pair. The two women disappeared with no other
sound except the rustling of silk as they lifted their skirts (all the skirts
were a trifle long and trailed on the ground) - on the carpet the mules could
not be heard.
O, who was
holding a cup of coffee in her left hand and a croissant in the other, was
seated cross-legged, or rather half-cross-legged, on the edge of the bed, one
of her legs dangling and the other tucked up under her. She did not move, but
her cup suddenly began to shake in her hand, and she dropped the
croissant.
"Pick
it up," René said. They were his first words.
She put
the cup down on the table, picked up the partly eaten croissant, and put it
beside the cup. A fat croissant crumb still lay on the rug, beside her bare
foot. This time René bent down and picked it up. Then he sat down near O,
pulled her back down onto the bed and kissed her. She asked him if he loved
her. He answered: "Yes, I love you!" then got to his feet and made
her stand up too, softly running the cool palms of his hands, then his lips,
over the welts.
Since he
had come in with her lover, O did not know whether or not she could look at the
man who had entered with him and who, for the moment, had his back to them and
was smoking a cigarette near the door. What followed was not of a nature to
reassure her.
"Come
over here so we can see you," her lover said, and having guided her to the
foot of the bed, he pointed out to his companion that he had been right, and he
thanked him, adding that it would only be fair for him to take O first if he so
desired.
The
unknown man, whom she still did not dare to look at, then asked her, after
having run his hand over her breasts and down her buttocks, to spread her
legs.
"Do
as he says," said René, who was holding her up. He too was standing, and
her back was against him. With his right hand he was caressing one breast, and
his other was on her shoulder. The unknown man had sat down on the edge of the
bed, he had seized and slowly parted, drawing the fleece, the lips which
protected the entrance itself. René pushed her forward, as soon as he realized
what was wanted from her, so that she would be more accessible, and his right
arm slipped around her waist, giving him a better grip.
This caress,
to which she never submitted without a struggled and which always filled her
with shame, and from which she escaped as quickly as she could, so quickly in
fact that she had scarcely had a chance to be touched, this caress which seemed
a sacrilege to her, for she deemed it sacrilege for her lover to be on his
knees, feeling that she should be on hers, she suddenly felt that she would not
escape from it now, and she saw herself doomed. For she moaned when the alien
lips, which were pressing upon the mound of flesh whence the inner corolla
emanates, suddenly inflamed her, left her to allow the hot tip of the tongue to
inflame her even more; she moaned even more when the lips began again: she felt
the hidden point harden and rise, that point caught in a long, sucking bite
between teeth and lips, which did not let go, a long soothing bite which made
her gasp for breath. She lots her footing and found herself again lying on the
bed, with René's mouth on her mouth; his two hands were pinning her shoulders
to the bed, while two other hands beneath her knees were raising and opening
her legs. Her own hands, which were beneath her back (for when René had
propelled her toward the unknown man he had bound her wrists together by
clipping the wristbands together), were grazed by the sex of the man who was
caressing himself in the furrow of her buttocks before rising to strike hard
into the depths of her belly. At the first stroke she cried out, as though it
had been the lash of a whip, then again at each new stroke, and her lover bit
her mouth. The man tore himself abruptly away from her and fell back on the
floor, as though struck by lightning, and he too gave a cry.
René freed
O's hands, lifted her up, and lay her down beneath the blanket on the bed. The
man got up, René escorted him to the door. In a flash, O saw herself released,
reduced to nothing, accursed. She had moaned beneath the lips of the stranger
as never her lover had made her moan, cried out under the impact of a
stranger's member as never her lover had made her cry out. She felt debased and
guilty. She could not blame him if he were to leave her. But no, the door was
closing again, he was staying with her, he was coming back, lying down beside
her beneath the cover, he was slipping into her moist, hot belly and, still
holding her in this embrace, he said to her:
"I
love you. When I'll also have given you to the valets, I'll come in one night
and have you flogged till you bleed."
The sun
had broken through the mist and flooded the room. But only the midday bell woke
them up.
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O was at a
loss what to do.
Her lover
was there, as close, as tenderly relaxed and surrendered as he was in the bed
in that low-ceilinged room to which, almost every night since they had begun
living together, he came to sleep with her. It was a big, mahogany,
English-style four-0poster bed, without the awning, and the posters at the head
were taller than those at the foot. He always slept on her left, and whenever
he awoke, even were it in the middle of the night, his hands inevitably reached
down for her legs. This is why she never wore anything but a nightgown or, if
she had on pajamas, never put on the bottoms. He did so now; she took that hand
and kissed it, without ever daring to ask him for anything. But he spoke.
Holding her by the collar, with two fingers slipped in between the neck and
collar, he told her it was his intention that henceforth she should be shared
by him and those of his choosing, and by those whom he did not know who were
connected to the society of the château, shared as she had been the previous
evening. That she was dependent on him, and on him alone, even though she might
receive orders from persons other than himself, whether he was present or
absent, for as a matter of principle he was participating in whatever might be
demanded of or inflicted on her, and that it was he who possessed and enjoyed
her through those into whose hands she had been given, by the simple fact that
he had given her to them. She must greet them and submit to them with the same
respect with which she greeted him, as though they were so many reflections of
him. Thus he would possess her as a god possesses his creatures, whom he lays
hold of in the guise of a monster or a bird, of an invisible spirit or a state
of ecstasy. He did not wish to leave her. The more he surrendered her, the more
he would hold her dear. The fact that he gave her was to him a proof, and ought
to be one for her as well that she belonged to him: one can only give what
belongs to you. He gave her only to reclaim her immediately, to reclaim her
enriched in his eyes, like some common object which had been used for some
divine purpose and has thus been consecrated. For a long time he had wanted to
prostitute her, and he was delighted to feel that the pleasure he was deriving
was even greater than he had hoped, and that it bound him to her all the more,
as it bound her to him, all the more so because, through it, she would be more
humiliated and ravaged. Since she loved him, she could not help loving whatever
derived from him. O listened and trembled with happiness, because he loved her,
all acquiescent she trembled. He doubtless guessed it, for he went on:
"It's
because it's easy for you to consent that I want from you what it will be
impossible for you to consent to, even if you agree ahead of time, even if you
say yes now and imagine yourself capable of submitting. You won't be able not
to revolt. Your submission will be obtained in spite of you, not only for the
inimitable pleasure that I and others will derive from it, but also that you
will be made aware of what has been done to you."
O was on
the verge of saying that she was his slave and that she bore her bonds
cheerfully. He stopped her.
"Yesterday
you were told that as long as you are in the château you are not to look a man
in the face of speak to him. The same applies to me as well: with me you shall
remain silent and obey. I love you. Now get up. From now on the only times that
you will open your mouth here in the presence of a man will be to cry out or to
caress."
So O got
up. René remained lying on the bed. She bathed and arranged her hair. The
contact of her bruised loins with the tepid water made her shiver, and she had
to sponge herself without rubbing to keep from reviving the burning pain. She
made up her mouth but not her eyes, powdered herself and, still naked but with
lowered eyes, came back into the room.
René was
looking at Jeanne, who had come in and was standing at the head of the bed, she
too with her head bowed, unspeaking. He told her to dress O. Jeanne took the
bodice of green satin, the white petticoat, the dress, the green mules and
having hooked up O's bodice in front, began to lace it up tight in the back.
The bodice was long and stiff, stoutly whaleboned as during the period when
wasp waists were in style, with gussets to support the breasts. The more the
bodice was tightened, the more the breasts were lifted, supported as they were
by the gussets, and the nipples displayed more prominently. At the same time,
the constriction of the waist caused her stomach to protrude and her backside
to arch out sharply. The strange thing was that this armor was very comfortable
and to a certain extent restful. It made you stand up very straight, but it
made you realize - why, it was hard to tell unless it was by contract - the
freedom, or rather the unavailability, of that part of the body left
unrestricted. The full skirt and the trapezoid-shaped neckline running from the
base of the neck to the tips of the breasts and across the full length of the
bosom seemed to the girl to be less a protective outfit than an instrument
designed to provoke or present. When Jeanne had tied the laces in a double
knot, O took her dress from the bed. It was a one-piece dress, with the
petticoat attached to the skirt like a detachable lining, and the bodice,
cross-laced in front and tied in the back, was thus able to follow more or less
the delicate contours of her bosom, depending on how tightly the bodice was
laced. Jeanne had laced it very tight, and through the open door O was able to
see herself reflected in the mirror, slim and lost in the green satin which
billowed at her hips, as a hoop skirt would have done. The two women were
standing side by side. Jeanne reached out to smooth a wrinkle in the green
dress, and her breasts stirred in the lace fringes of her bodice, breasts whose
tips were long and the halos brown. Her dress was of yellow faille.
René, who
had come over to the two women, said to O: "Watch." And to Jeanne:
"Lift your dress." With both hands she raised the crackling silk and
the crinoline which lined it, revealing as she did a golden belly, gleaming
thighs and knees, and a tight black triangle. René put his hand on it and
slowly explored, and with the other excited the nipple of one breast.
"Merely
so you can see," he said to O.
O saw. She
saw his ironic but attentive face, his eyes carefully watching Jeanne's
half-open mouth and her neck, which was thrown back, tightly circled by the
leather collar. What pleasure was she giving him, yes she, that this girl or
any other could not?
"That
hadn't occurred to you?" he added.
No, that
had not occurred to her. She had collapsed against the wall, between the two
doors, her arms hanging limp. There was no longer any need to tell her to keep
quiet. How could she have spoken? Perhaps he was touched by her despair. He
left Jeanne and took her in his arms, calling her his love and his life, saying
over and over again that he loved her. The hand he was caressing her neck with
was moist with the odor of Jeanne. And so? The despair that had overwhelmed her
slowly ebbed: he loved her, ah he loved her. He was free to enjoy himself with
Jeanne, or with others, he loved her. "I love you," he had whispered
to her ear, "I love you," so softly it was scarcely audible. "I
love you." He did not leave until he saw that her eyes were clear and her
expression calm, contented.
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Jeanne
took O by the hand and let her out into the hallway. Their mules again made a
resounding noise on the tile floor, and again they found a valet seated on a
bench between the doors. He was dressed like Pierre, but it was not Pierre.
This one was tall, dry, and had dark hair. He preceded them and showed them
into an antechamber where, before a wrought-iron door that stood between two
tall green drapes, two other valets were waiting, some white dogs with russet
spots lying at their feet.
"That's
the enclosure," Jeanne murmured. But the valet who was walking in front of
them heard her and turned around. O was amazed to see Jeanne turn deathly pale
and let go of her hand, let go of her dress which she was holding lightly with
her other hand, and sink to her knees on the black tile floor - for the
antechamber was tiled in black marble. The two valets near the gate burst out
laughing. One of them came over to O and politely invited her to follow him,
opened a door opposite the one she had just entered, and stood aside. She heard
laughter and the sound of footsteps, then the door closed behind her. She never
- no, never - learned what had happened, whether Jeanne had been punished for
having spoken, and if so what the punishment had been, or whether she had
simply yielded to a caprice on the part of the valet, or whether in throwing
herself on her knees she had been obeying some rule or trying to move the valet
to pity, and whether she had succeeded. During her initial stay in the château,
which lasted two weeks, she only noted that, although the rule of silence was
absolute, it was rare that they did not try and break it while they were alone
with the valets, either being taken to or from some place in the château, or
during meals, especially during the day. It was as though clothing gave them a
feeling of assurance which nakedness and nocturnal chains, and the master's
presence, destroyed. She also noticed that, whereas the slightest gestures
which might have been construed as an advance toward one of the masters seemed
quite naturally inconceivable, the same was not true for the valets. They never
gave orders, although the courtesy of their requests was as implacable as an
order. They had apparently been enjoined to punish to the letter infractions of
the rules which occurred in their presence, and to punish them on the spot.
Thus, on three occasions, O saw girls who were caught talking thrown to the
floor and whipped - once in the hallway leading to the red wing, and twice
again in the fectory they had just entered. So it was possible to be whipped in
broad daylight, despite what they had told her the first evening, as though
what happened with the valets did not count and was left to their discretion.
Daylight
made their outfits look strange and menacing. Some valets wore black stockings
and, in place of the red jacket and white ruffled shirt, a soft wide-sleeved
shirt of red silk, gathered at the neck and with the sleeves also gathered at
the wrists. It was one of these valets who, on the eight day at noon, his whip
already in his hand, made a buxom blonde named Madeleine, who was seated not
far from O, get up off her stool. Madeleine, whose bosom was all milk and
roses, had smiled at him and spoken a few words so quickly that O had missed
them. Before he had time to touch her she was on her knees, her hand, so white
against the black silk, lightly stroking the still dormant sex, which she took
out and brought to her half-opened mouth. That time she was not whipped. And
since he was then the only monitor in the refectory, and since he closed his
eyes as he accepted the caress, the other girls began talking. So it was
possible to bribe the valets. But what was the use? If there was one rule to
which O had trouble submitting, and indeed never really submitted to
completely, it was the rule forbidding them to look men in the face -
considering that the rule applied to the valets as well, O felt herself in
constant danger, so compelling was her curiosity about faces, and she was in
fact whipped by both the valets, not, in truth, each time they noticed her
doing (for they took some liberties with instructions, and perhaps cared enough
about the fascination they exercised not to deprive themselves, by too strict
or efficacious an application of the rules, of the gazes which would leave
their face or mouth only to return to their sex, their whips, and their hands,
and then start in all over again), but only when in all probability they wanted
to humiliate her. No matter how cruelly they treated her when they had made up
their minds to do so, she none the less never had the courage, or the
cowardice, to throw herself at their knees, and though she submitted to them at
times she never tempted or urged them on. As for the rule of silence, it meant
so little to her that, except in the case of her lover, she did not once break
it, replying by signals whenever another girl would take advantage of their
guards' momentary distraction to speak to her. This was generally during meals,
which were taken in the room into which they had been ushered, when the tall
valet accompanying them had turned around to Jeanne. The walls were black and
the stone floor was black, the long table, of heavy glass, was black too, and
each girl had a round stool covered with black leather on which to sit. They
had to lift their skirts to sit down, and in so doing O rediscovered, the
moment she felt the smooth, cold leather beneath her thighs, that first moment
when her lover had made her take off her stockings and panties and sit in the
same manner on the back seat of the car. Conversely, after she had left the
château and, dressed like everyone else except for the fact that beneath her
innocuous suit or dress she was naked, whenever she had to lift her petticoat
and skirt to sit down beside her lover, or beside another, were it on the seat
of a car or the bench of a cafe, it was the château she rediscovered, breasts
proffered in the silk bodices, the hands and mouths to which nothing was
denied, and the terrible silence. And yet nothing had been such a comfort to
her as the silence, unless it was the chains. The chains and the silence, which
should have bound her deep within herself, which should have smothered her,
strangled her, on the contrary freed her from herself. What would have become
of her if she had been granted the right to speak and the freedom of her hands,
if she had been free to make a choice, when her lover prostituted her before
his own eyes? True, she did not speak as she was being tortured, but can moans
and cries be classed as words? Besides, they often stilled her by gagging.
Beneath the gazes, beneath the hands, beneath the sexes that defiled her, the
whips that rent her, she lost herself in a delirious absence from herself which
restored her to love and perhaps, brought her to the edge of death. She was
anyone, anyone at all, any one of the other girls, opened and forced like her,
girls whom she saw being opened and forced, for she did see it, even when she
was not obliged to have a hand in it.
Thus, less
than twenty-four hours after her arrival, during her second day there, she was
taken after the meal into the library, there to serve coffee and tend the fire.
Jeanne, whom the black-haired valet had brought back, went with her, as did
another girl named Monique. It was this same valet who took them there and
remained in the room, stationed near the stake to which O had been attached.
The library was still empty. The French doors faced wet, and in the vast,
almost cloudless sky the autumn sun slowly pursued its course, its rays
lighting, on a chest of drawers, an enormous bouquet of sulphur colored
chrysanthemums which smelled of earth and dead leaves.
"Did
Pierre mark you last night?" the valet asked O.
She nodded
that he had.
"Then
you should show it," he said. Please roll up your dress."
He waited
till she had rolled her robe up and behind, the way Jeanne had done the evening
before, and till Jeanne had helped her fasten it there. Then he told her to
light the fire. O's backside up to her waist, her thighs, her slender legs, was
framed in the cascading folds of green silk and white linen. The five welts had
turned black. The fire was ready on the hearth, all O had to do was ignite the
straw beneath the kindling, which leaped into flame. Soon the branches of apple
wood caught, then the oak logs, which burned with tall, crackling, almost
colorless flames which were almost invisible in the daylight, but which smelled
good. Another valet entered and placed a tray filled with coffee cups on the
console, from which the lamp had been removed, then left the room. O went over
near the console, while Monique and Jeanne remained standing on either side of
the fireplace.
Just then
two men came in, and the first valet in turn left the room. O thought she
recognized one of the men from his voice, one of those who had forced her the
previous evening, the one who had asked that her rear be made more easily
accessible. As she poured the coffee into the small black and gold cups, which
Monique handed around with the sugar, she stole a glance at them. So it was
this thin, blond boy, a mere stripling, with an English air about him. He was
speaking again; now she was certain. The other man was also fair, thick set
with a heavy face. Both of them were seated in the big leather armchairs, their
feet near the fire, quietly smoking and reading their papers, paying no more
heed to the women than if they had not been there. Now and then the rustle of a
paper was heard, or the sound of coals falling on the hearth. From time to time
O put another long on the fire. She was seated on a cushion on the floor beside
the wood basket, Monique and Jeanne, also on the floor, across from her. Their
flowing skirts overlapped one another. Monique's skirt was a dark red.
Suddenly, but only after an hour had elapsed, the blond boy called Jeanne, then
Monique. He told them to bring the ottoman (it was the same ottoman on which O
had been spread-eagled the night before). Monique did not wait for further
instructions, she kneeled down, bent over, her breasts crushed against the
first and holding both corners of the ottoman in her hands. When the young man
had Jeanne lift the red skirt, she did not stir. Jeanne was then obliged to
undo his clothing - and he gave her the order in the most churlish manner - and
take between her hands that sword of flesh which had so cruelly pierced O at
least once. It swelled and stiffened beneath the closed palm, and O saw these
same hands, Jeanne's tiny hands, spreading Monique's thighs, into the hollow of
which, slowly and in short spasms which made her moan, the lad plunged.
The other
man, who was watching in silence, motioned to O to approach and, without taking
his eyes off the spectacle, topped her forward over one arm of his chair - and
her raised skirt gave him an unhindered view of her backside - and seized her
womb with his hand.
It was in
this position that René found her when, a minute later, he opened the
door.
"Please
don't let me disturb you," he said, and he sat down on the floor, on the
same cushion where O had been sitting beside the fire before she had been
called. He watched her closely, and smiled every time the hand which was
holding her probed and returned, seizing both front and rear apertures at once
and working deeper and deeper as they opened further, wrenching from her a moan
which she could no longer restrain.
Monique
had long since gotten back to her feet; Jeanne was fiddling with the fire in
place of O. She brought René a glass of whisky, and he kissed her hand as she
handed it to him, then drank it down without taking his eyes off O.
The man
who was still holding her then said:
"Is
she yours?"
"Yes,"
René replied.
"James
is right," the other went on, "she's too narrow. She has to be
widened."
"Not too
much, mind you," said James.
"Whatever
you say," René said, getting to his feet. "You're a better judge than
I." And he rang.
For the
next eight days, between dusk when her stint in the library came to an end and
that hour of the night - which was generally eight or ten o'clock - when she
was returned to her cell, in chains and naked beneath her red cape, O wore an
ebonite shaft simulating an erect male member which was inserted behind and
held in place by three small chains connected to a leather belt around her
hips, in such a way that the internal movements of her muscles could not expel
it. One little chain followed the furrow of her buttocks, the two others the
fold on either side of the belly's triangle, in order not to prevent anyone
from penetrating that side if need be.
When René
had rung, it was to have the coffer brought in which contained, or one of whose
compartments contained, an assortment of small chains and belts, and whose
other held a variety of these shafts, ranging from the very thin to the very
thick. They all had one feature in common, namely that they flared at the base,
to make it impossible for them to slide up inside the body, an accident which
might have produced the opposite effect from that desired, that is it might have
allowed the ring of flesh to tighten up again, whereas the purpose of the shaft
was to distend it. Thus quartered, and quartered each day a little more, for
James, who made her kneel down, or rather lie prone, to watch while Jeanne or
Monique, or whichever girl happened to be there, fastened the shaft that he had
chosen, each day chose a thicker one. At the evening meal, which the girls took
together in the same refectory, after their bath, naked and powdered O still
wore it, and everyone could see that she was wearing it, because of the little
chains and the belt. It was only removed, by the valet, when he came to chain
her to the wall for the night if no one had asked for her, or, if someone had,
when he locked her hands behind her if he had to take her to the library. Rare
were the nights when someone did not appear to make use of this passage thus
rapidly rendered as easy as, though still narrower than, the other. After eight
days there was no longer any need for an instrument, and O's lover told her that
he was happy she was now doubly open and that he would make certain she
remained so. At the same time, he warned her that he was leaving and that she
would not see him during the last seven days that she was to spend in the
château, before he came back to pick her up and take her back to Paris.
"But
I love you," he added, "I do love you. Don't forget me."
Oh, how
could she forget him! He was the hand that blindfolded her, the whip wielded by
the valet Pierre, he was the chain above her head, the unknown man who came
down on her, and all the voices which gave her orders were his voice. Was she
growing weary? No. By dint of being defiled and desecrated, it seems that she
must have grown used to outrages, by dint of being caressed, to caresses, if
not to the whip by dint of being whipped. A terrible surfeit of pain and
pleasure should have by slow degrees cast her upon benumbing banks, into a
state bordering on sleep or somnambulism. On the contrary. The bodice which
held her straight, the chains which kept her submissive, her refuge of silence
- these may have been responsible in part - as was the constant spectacle of
girls being handed over and used as she was and, even when they were not, the
spectacle of the constantly available bodies. Also the spectacle and the
awareness of her own body. Daily and, so to speak, ceremoniously soiled with
saliva and sperm, she felt herself literally to be the repository of impurity,
the sink mentioned in the Scriptures. And yet those parts of her body most
constantly offended, having become less sensitive, at the same time seemed to
her to have become more beautiful and, as it were, ennobled: her mouth closed
upon anonymous members, the tips of her breasts constantly fondled by hands,
and between her quartered thighs the twin, contiguous paths wantonly ploughed.
That she should have been ennobled and gained in dignity through being
prostituted was a source of surprise, and yet dignity was indeed from within,
and her bearing bespoke calm, while on her face could be detected the serenity
and imperceptible smile that one surmises rather than actually sees in the eyes
of hermits.
When René
had informed her that he was leaving, night had already fallen. O was naked in
her cell, and was waiting for them to come and take her to the refectory. As
for her lover, he was dressed as usual, in a suit he wore every day in town.
When he took her a suit he wore every day in town. When he took her in his
arms, the rough tweed of his clothes irritated the tips of her breasts. He
kissed her, lay her down on the bed, lay down beside her and, tenderly and
slowly and gently, took her, alternating between the two tracks open to him,
before finally spilling himself into her mouth, which he then kissed
again.
"Before
I leave," he said, "I would like to have you whipped, and this time
I'll ask your permission. Do you agree?"
She agreed
to it.
"I
love you," he repeated. "Ring for Pierre."
She rang.
Pierre chained her hands above her head, to the chain of the bed. When she was
thus bound, her lover kissed her again, standing beside her on the bed. Again
he told her that he loved her, then he got down off the bed and nodded for
Pierre. He watched her struggle, so fruitlessly; he listened to her moans swell
and become cries. When her tears flowed, he sent Pierre away. She still found
the strength to tell him again that she loved him. Then he kissed her drenched
face, her gasping mouth, undid her bonds, laid her down, and left.
![]()
To say
that O began to await her lover the minute he left her is a vast
understatement: she was henceforth nothing but vigil and night. During the day
she was like a painted countenance, whose skin is soft and mouth is meek and -
this was the only time she abided by the rule - whose eyes were constantly
lowered. She made and tended the fire, poured and offered the coffee and
liqueurs, lighted the cigarettes, she arranged the flowers and folded the
newspapers like a young girl in her parents' living room, so limpid with her
open neck and leather collar, her tight bodice and prisoner's bracelets, that
all it took for the men whom she was serving was to order her to remain by
their sides while they were violating another girl to make them want to violate
her as well; which doubtless explains why she was treated worse than before.
Had she sinned? Or had her lover left her so that the very people to whom he
had loaned her would feel freer to dispose of her? In any case, the fact remains
that on the second day following his departure as, at nightfall, she had just
undressed and was looking in the bathroom mirror at the almost vanished welts
made by Pierre's riding crop on the front of her thighs, Pierre entered. There
were still two hours before dinner. He told her that she would not dine in the
common room and said to get ready, pointing to the Turkish toilet in the
corner, over which she had to squat, as Jeanne had warned her she would in the
presence of Pierre. All the while she remained there he stood contemplating
her, she could see him in the mirrors, and see herself, and was incapable of
holding back the water which escaped from her body. He waited then until she
had bathed and powdered herself. She was going to get her mules and red cape
when he stopped her and added, fastening her hands behind her back, that there
was no need to, but that she should wait a moment for him. She sat down on a
corner of the bed. Outside it was storming, a tempest of cold rain and wind,
and the poplar tree near the window swayed back and forth beneath the gusts.
From time to time a pale wet leaf would splatter against the windowpanes. It
was as dark as in the middle of the night, although the hour of seven had not
yet struck, for autumn was well advanced and the days were growing
shorter.
When
Pierre returned, he was carrying the same blindfold with which he had
blindfolded her the first evening. He also had a long chain, which made a
clanking noise, a chain similar to the one fastened to the wall. O had the
impression that he couldn't make up his mind whether to put the blindfold or
the chain on her first. She was gazing out at the rain, not caring what they
wanted from her, thinking only that René had said he would come back, that
there were still five days and five nights to go, and that she had no idea
where he was or whether he was alone and, if he was not alone, who he was with.
But he would come back. Pierre had laid the chain on the bed and, without
interrupting O's daydream, had covered her eyes with the blindfold of black
velvet. It was slightly rounded below the sockets of her eyes, and fitted the
cheekbones perfectly, making it impossible to get the slightest peek or even to
raise the eyelids. Blessed darkness like unto her own night, never had O
greeted it with such joy, blessed chains that bore her away from herself.
Pierre
fastened the chain to the ring in her collar and invited her to follow him. She
got up, felt herself being pulled forward, and walked. Her bare feet were icy
cold on the tiles, and she gathered she was following the hallway of the red
wing; then the ground which was still as cold, became rough underfoot: she was
walking on a stone floor, made of sandstone or granite. Twice the valet made
her stop, she heard the sound of a key in a lock, of a lock being turned and
opened, then locked again. "Careful of the steps," said Pierre, and
she went down a staircase, and once she stumbled. Pierre caught her around the
waist. He had never touched her except to chain or beat her, but here he was
now forcing her down onto the cold steps, which she tried to grasp with her
bound hands to keep from slipping, and he was talking her breasts. His mouth
moved from one to the other, and as he pressed against her, she could feel him
slowly rising. He did not help her up until he had taken his pleasure with her.
Damp and trembling with cold, she finally descended the last steps and heard
another door open, which she went through and immediately felt a thick rug
beneath her feet. There was another slight tug on the chain, then Pierre's
hands were loosing her hands and untying her blindfold: she was in a round,
vaulted room which was very small and low: the walls and arches were of
unplastered stone, and the joints in the masonry were visible. The chain which
was attached to her collar was fastened to the wall by an eye-bolt opposite the
door, which was set about three feet above the floor and allowed her to move no
more than two steps forward. There was neither a bed nor anything that might
have served as a bed, nor was there any blanket, only three or four
Moroccan-type cushions, but they were out of reach and clearly not intended for
her. Within reach, however, in the niche from which emanated the little light
which lighted the room, was a wooden tray on which were some water, fruit, and
bread. The heat from the radiators, which had been installed along the base of
the walls and set into the walls themselves to form around the entire room a
sort of burning plinth, was none the less insufficient to overcome the odor of
earth and mud which is the odor of ancient prisons and in old châteaux, of
uninhabited dungeons. In that hot semi-darkness, into which no sound intruded,
O soon lost all track of time. There was no longer any day or night, the light
never went out. Pierre, or some other valet - it hardly mattered which -
replaced the water, fruit, and bread on the tray whenever it was gone, and took
her to bathe in a nearby dungeon. She never saw the men who came in, for each
time a valet preceded them to blindfold her eyes, and removed it only after
they had left. She also lost track of them, of who they were and how many there
were, and neither her soft hands nor her lips blindly caressing were ever able
to identify who they were touching. At times there were several, more often
only one, but each time, before they came near her, she was made to kneel down
facing the wall, the ring of her collar fastened to the same eye-bolt to which
the chain was attached, and whipped. She placed her palms against the wall and
pressed her face against the back of her hands, to keep from scratching it
against the stones; but scraped her knees and her breasts on them. Thus she
lost track of the tortures and screams which were smothered by the vault. She
waited. Suddenly time no longer stood still. In her velvet night her chain was
no unfastened. She had been waiting for three months, three days, or ten days,
or ten years. She felt herself being wrapped in a heavy cloth, and someone
taking her by the shoulders and knees, lifting and carrying her. She found
herself in her cell, lying under the black fur cover, it was early afternoon,
her eyes were open, her hands free, and René was sitting beside her, stroking
her hair.
"You
must get dressed now," he said, "we're leaving."
She took a
hasty bath, he brushed her hair, handed her powder and lipstick to her. When
she returned to her cell, her suit, her blouse, her slip, her stockings, and
her shoes were on the foot of the bed, as were her gloves and handbag. There
was even the coat she wore over her suit when the weather turned brisk, and a
square silk scarf to protect her neck, but no garter belt or panties. She
dressed slowly, rolling her stockings down to just above her knees, and she did
not put on her suitcoat because it was very warm in her cell. Just then, the
man who had explained on the first evening what would be expected of her, came
in. He unlocked the collar and bracelets that had held her captive for two
weeks. Was she freed of them? Or did she have the feeling that something was
missing? She said nothing, scarcely daring to run her hands over her wrists,
not daring to lift them to her throat.
Then he
asked her to choose, from among the exactly identical rings which he showed to
her in a small wooden box, the one which fit her left ring finger. They were
strange iron rings, banded with gold inside, and the signet was wide and as
massive as that of an actual signet ring, but it was convex, and for design
bore a three-spoked wheel inlaid in gold, with each spoke spiraling back upon
itself like the solar wheel of the Celts. The second ring she tried, though a
trifle snug, fit her exactly. It was heavy on her hand, and the gold gleamed as
though furtively in the dull gray of the polished iron. Why iron, and why gold,
and this insignia she did not understand? It was impossible to talk in this
room draped in red, where the chain was still on the wall above the bed, where
the black, still rumpled cover was lying on the floor, this room into which the
valet Pierre might emerge, was sure to emerge, absurd in his opera outfit, in
the dull light of November.
She was
wrong, Pierre did not appear. René had her put on the coat to her suit, and her
long gloves, which covered the bottom of her sleeves. She took her scarf, her
bag, and carried her coat over her arm. The heels of her shoes made less noise
on the hallway floor than had her mules, the doors were closed, the antechamber
was empty. O was holding her lover by the hand. The stranger who was
accompanying them opened the wrought-iron gates which Jeanne had said were the
enclosure, which was now no longer guarded by valets or dogs. He lifted one of
the green velvet curtains and ushered them both through. The curtains fell back
into place. They heard the gate closing. They were alone in another antechamber
which looked onto the lawn. All there was left to do was descend the steps
leading down from the stoop, before which O recognized the car.
She sat
down next to her lover, who took the wheel and started off. After they had left
the grounds, through the porte-cochere that was wide open, he stopped a few
hundred meters farther on and kissed her. It was on the outskirts of a small,
peaceful town, which they crossed through as they continued on their route. O
was able to read the name on the road sign: Roissy.
The Story
of O
By
Pauline Réage
II
Sir Stephen
The
apartment where O lived was situated on the Ile Saint-Louis, under the eaves of
an old house which faced south and overlooked the Seine. All the rooms, which
were spacious and low, had sloping ceilings, and the two rooms at the front of
the house each opened onto a balcony set into the sloping roof. One of them was
O's room; the other, in which bookshelves filled one wall from floor to ceiling
on either side of the fireplace, served as a living room, a study, and even as
a bedroom in case of necessity. Facing the two windows was a big couch, and
there was a large antique table before the fireplace. It was here that they
dined whenever the tiny dining room, which faced the interior courtyard and was
decorated with dark green serge, was really too small to accommodate the
guests. Another room, which also looked onto the courtyard, was René's, and it
was here that he dressed and kept his clothes. O shared the yellow bathroom with
him; the kitchen, also yellow, was tiny. A cleaning woman came in every day.
The flooring of the rooms overlooking the courtyard was of red tile, those
antique hexagonal tiles which in old Paris hotels are used to cover the stairs
and landings above the second story. Seeing them again gave O a shock and made
her heart beat faster: they were the same tiles as the ones in the hallways at
Roissy. Her room was small, the pink and black chintz curtains were closed, the
fire was glowing behind the metallic screen, the bed was made, the covers
turned back.
"I bought you a nylon
nightgown," René said. "You've never had one before."
Yes, a white pleated nylon
nightgown, tailored and tasteful like the clothing of Egyptian statuettes, an
almost transparent nightgown was unfolded on the edge of the bed, on the side
where O slept. O tied a thin belt around her waist, over the elastic waistband
of the nightgown itself, and the material of the gown was so light that the
projection of the buttocks colored it a pale pink. Everything - save for the
curtains and the panel hung with the same material against which the head of
the bed was set, and the two small armchairs upholstered with the same chintz -
everything in the room was white: the walls, the fringe around the mahogany
four-poster bed, and the bearskin rug on the floor. Seated before the fire in
her white nightgown, O listened to her lover.
He began by saying that she
should not think that she was now free. With one exception, and that was that
she was free not to love him any longer, and to leave him immediately. But if
she did love him, then she was in no wise free. She listened to him without
saying a word, thinking how happy she was that he wanted to prove to himself -
it mattered little how - that she belonged to him, and thinking too that he was
more than a little naive not to realize that this proprietorship was beyond any
proof. But did he perhaps realize it and want to emphasize it merely because he
derived a certain pleasure from it? She gazed into the fire as he talked, but
he did not, not daring to meet her eyes. He was standing, pacing back and
forth. Suddenly he said to her that, for a start, he wanted her to listen to
him with her knees unclasped and her arms unfolded, for she was sitting with
her knees together and her arms folded around them. So she lifted her nightgown
and, on her knees, or, rather, squatting on her heels in the manner of the
Carmelites or the Japanese women, she waited. The only thing was, since her
knees were spread, she could feel the light, sharp pricking of the white fur
between her half-open thighs; he came back to it again: she was not opening her
legs wide enough. The word "open" and the expression "opening
her legs" were, on her lover's lips, charged with such uneasiness and
power that she could never hear them without experiencing a kind of internal
prostration, a sacred submission, as though a god, and not he, had spoken to
her. So she remained motionless, and her hands were lying palm upward beside
her knees, between which the material of her nightgown was spread, with the
pleats reforming.
What her lover wanted from
her was very simple: that she be constantly and immediately accessible. It was
not enough for him to know that she was: she was to be so without the slightest
obstacle intervening, and her bearing and clothing were to bespeak, as it were,
the symbol of that availability to experienced eyes. That, he went on, meant
two things. The first she knew, having been informed of it the evening of her
arrival at the château: that she must never cross her knees, as her lips had
always to remain open. She doubtless thought that this was nothing (that was
indeed what she did think), but she would learn that to maintain this
discipline would require a constant effort on her part, an effort which would
remind her, in the secret they shared between them and perhaps with a few
others, of the reality of her condition, when she was with those who did not
share the secret, and engaged in ordinary pursuits.
As for her clothes, it was
up to her to choose them, or if need be to invent them, so that this
semi-undressing to which he had subjected her in the car on their way to Roissy
would no longer be necessary: tomorrow she was to go through her closet and
sort out her dresses, and do the same with her underclothing by going through
her dresser drawers. She would hand over to him absolutely everything she found
in the way of belts and panties; the same for any brassieres like the one whose
straps he had had to cut before he could remove it, any full slips which
covered her breasts, all the blouses and dresses which did not open up the
front, and any skirts too tight to be raised with a single movement. She was to
have other brassieres, other blouses, other dresses made. Meanwhile, was she
supposed to visit her corset maker with nothing on under her blouse or sweater?
Yes, she was to go with nothing on underneath. If someone should notice, she
could explain it any way she liked, or not explain it at all, whichever she
preferred, but it was her problem and hers alone. Now, as for the rest of what
he still had to teach her, he preferred to wait for a few days and wanted her
to be dressed properly before hearing it. She would find all the money she
needed in the little drawer of her desk. When he had finished speaking, she
murmured "I love you" without the slightest gesture. It was he who
added some wood to the fire, lighted the bedside lamp, which was of pink
opaline. Then he told O to get into bed and wait for him, that he would sleep
with her. When he came back, O reached over to turn out the lamp: it was her
left hand, and the last thing she saw before the room was plunged into darkness
was the somber glitter of her iron ring. She was lying half on her side: her
lover called her softly by name and, simultaneously, seizing her with his whole
hand, covered the nether part of her belly and drew her to him.
![]()
The next day, O, in her
dressing gown, had just finished lunch alone in the green dining room - René
had left early in the morning and was not due home until evening, to take her
out to dinner - when the phone rang. The phone was in the bedroom, beneath the
lamp at the head of the bed. O sat down on the floor to answer it. It was René
who wanted to know whether the cleaning woman had left. Yes, she had just left,
after having served lunch, and would not be back till the following morning.
"Have you started to
sort out your clothes yet?" René said.
"I was just going to
start," she answered, "but I got up late, took a batch, and it was
noon before I was ready."
"Are you
dressed?"
"No, I have on my
nightgown and my dressing gown."
"Put the phone down,
take off your robe and your nightgown."
O obeyed, so startled that
the phone slipped from the bed where she had placed it down onto the white rug,
and she thought she had been cut off. No, she had not been cut off.
"Are you naked?"
René went on.
"Yes," she said.
"But where are you calling from?"
He ignored her question,
merely adding:
"Did you keep your
ring on?"
She had her ring on.
Then he told her to remain
as she was until he came home and to prepare, thus undressed, the suitcase of
clothing she was to get rid of. Then he hung up.
It was past one o'clock,
and the weather was lovely. A small pool of sunlight fell on the rug, lighting
the white nightgown and the corduroy dressing gown, pale green like the shells
of fresh almonds, which O had let slip to the floor when she had taken them off.
She picked them up and went to take them into the bathroom, to hang them up in
a closet. On her way, she suddenly saw her reflection in one of the mirrors
fastened to a door and which, together with another mirror covering part of the
wall and a third on another door, formed a large three-faced mirror: all she
was wearing was a pair of leather mules the same green as her dressing gown -
and only slightly darker than the mules she wore at Roissy - and her ring. She
was no longer wearing either a collar or leather bracelets, and she was alone,
her own sole spectator. And yet never had she felt more totally committed to a
will which was not her own, more totally a slave, and more content to be so.
When she bent down to open
a drawer, she saw her breasts stir gently. It took her almost two hours to lay
out on her bed the clothes which she then had to pack away in the suitcase.
There was no problem about the panties; she made a little pile of them near one
of the bedposts. The same for her brassieres, not one would stay, for they all
had a strap in the back and fastened on the side. And yet she saw how she could
have the same model made, by shifting the catch to the front, in the middle,
directly beneath the cleavage of the breasts. The girdles and garter belts posed
no further problems, but she hesitated to add to the pile the corset of pink
satin brocade which laced up in the back and so closely resembled the bodice
she had worn at Roissy. She put it aside on the drawer. That would be René's
decision. He would also decide about the sweaters, all of which went on over
the head and were tight at the neck, therefore could not be opened. But they
could be pulled up from the waist and thus bare the breasts. All the slips,
however, were piled on her bed. In the dresser drawer there still remained a
flounce and fine Valenciennes lace, which was made to be worn under a pleated
sun skirt of black wool which was too sheer not to be transparent. She would
need other half-length slips, short, light-colored ones. She also realized that
she would either have to give up wearing sheath dresses or else pick out the
kin of dress that buttoned all the way down the front, in which case she would
also have to have her slips made in such a way that they would open together
with the dress. As for the petticoats, that was easy, the dresses too, but what
would her dressmaker say about the underclothes? She would explain that she
wanted a detachable lining, because she was cold-blooded. As a matter of fact,
she was sensitive to the cold, and suddenly she wondered how in the world she
would stand the winter cold when she was dressed so lightly?
When she had finally
finished, and had kept from her entire wardrobe only her blouses, all of which
buttoned down the front, her black pleated skirt, her coats of course, and the
suit she had worn home from Roissy, she went to prepare tea. She turned up the
thermostat in the kitchen; the cleaning woman had not filled the wood basket
for the living-room fire, and O knew that her lover liked to find her in the
living room beside the fire when he arrived home in the evening. She filled the
basket from the woodpile in the hallway closet, carried it back to the
living-room fireplace, and lighted the fire. Thus she waited for him, curled up
in a big easy chair, the tea tray beside her, waited for him to come home, but
this time she waited, the way he had ordered her to, naked.
The first difficulty O
encountered was in her work. Difficulty is perhaps an exaggeration.
Astonishment would be a better term. O worked in the fashion department of a
photography agency. This meant that it was she who photographed, in the studios
where they had to pose for hours on end, the most exotic and prettiest girls
whom the fashion designers had chosen to model their creations.
They were surprised that O
had postponed her vacation until this late in the fall and had thus been away
at a time of year when the fashion world was busiest, when the new collections
were about to be presented. But that was nothing. What surprised them most was
how changed she was. At first glance, they found it hard to say exactly what
was changed about her, but none the less they felt it, and the more they
observed her, the more convinced they were. She stood and walked straighter,
her eyes were clearer, but what ws especially striking was her perfection when
she was in repose, and how measured her gestures were.
She had always been a
conservative dresser, the way girls do whose work resembles that of men, but
she was so skillful that she brought it off; and because the other girls - who
constituted her subjects - were constantly concerned, both professionally and
personally, with clothing and adornments, they were quick to note what might
have passed unperceived to eyes other than theirs. Sweaters worn right next to
the skin, which gently molded the contours of the breasts - René had finally
consented to the sweaters - pleated skirts so prone to swirling when she
turned: O wore them so often it was a little as though they formed a discreet
uniform.
"Very little-girl
like," one of the models said to her one day, a blond, green-eyed model
with high Slavic cheekbones and the olive complexion that goes with it.
"But you shouldn't wear garters," she added. "You're going to
ruin your legs."
This remark was occasioned
by O, who, without stopping to think, had sat down somewhat hastily in her
presence, and obliquely in front of her, on the arm of a big leather easy
chair, and in so doing had lifted her skirt. The tall girl had glimpsed a flash
of naked thigh above the rolled stocking, which covered the knee but stopped
just above it.
O had seen her smile, so
strangely that she wondered what the girl had been thinking at the time, or
perhaps what she had understood. She adjusted her stockings, one at a time,
pulling them up to tighten them, for it was not as easy to keep them tight this
way as it was when the stockings ended at mid-thigh and were fastened to a
garter belt, and answered Jacqueline, as though to justify herself:
"It's practical."
"Practical for what?"
Jacqueline wanted to know.
"I dislike garter
belts," O replied.
But Jacqueline was not
listening to her and was looking at the iron ring.
During the next few days, O
took some fifty photographs of Jacqueline. They were like nothing she had ever
taken before. Never, perhaps, had she had such a model. Anyway, never before
had she been able to extract such meaning and emotion from a face or body. And
yet all she was aiming for was to make the silks, the furs, and the laces more
beautiful by that sudden beauty of an elfin creature surprised by her
reflection in the mirror, which Jacqueline became in the simplest blouse, as
she did in the most elegant mink. She had short, thick, blond hair, only
slightly curly, and at the least excuse she would cock her head slightly toward
her left shoulder and nestle her cheek against the upturned collar of her fur,
if she were wearing fur. O caught her once in this position, tender and
smiling, her hair gently blown as though by a soft wind, and her smooth, hard
cheekbone snuggled against the gray mink, soft and gray as the freshly fallen
ashes of a wood fire. Her lips were slightly parted, and her eyes half-closed.
Beneath the gleaming, liquid gloss of the photograph she looked like some
blissful girl who had drowned, she was pale, so pale. O had the picture printed
with as little contrast as possible. She had taken another picture of
Jacqueline with she found even more stunning: back lighted, it portrayed her
bare-shouldered, with her delicate head, and her face as well, enveloped in a
large-meshed black veil surmounted by an absurd double aigrette whose
impalpable tufts crowned her like wisps of smoke; she was wearing an enormous
robe of heavy brocaded silk, red like the dress of a bride in the Middle Ages,
which came down to below her ankles, flared at the hips and tight at the waist,
and the armature of which traced the outline of her bosom. It was what the
dress designers called a gala gown, the kind no one ever wears. The
spike-heeled sandals were also of red silk. And all the time Jacqueline was
before O dressed in that gown and sandals, and that veil which was like the
premonition of a mask, O, in her mind's eye, was completing, was inwardly
modifying the model: a trifle here, a trifle there - the waist drawn in a little
tighter, the breasts slightly raised - and it was the same dress as at Roissy,
the same dress that Jeanne had worn, the same smooth, heavy, cascading silk
which one takes by the handful and raises whenever one is told to ... Why yes,
Jacqueline was lifting it in just that way as she descended from the platform
on which she had been posting for the past fifteen minutes. It was the same
rustling, the same crackling of dried leaves. No one wears these gala gowns any
longer? But they do. Jacqueline was also wearing a gold choker around her neck,
and on her wrists two gold bracelets. O caught herself thinking that she would
be more beautiful with leather collar and leather bracelets. And then she did
something she had never done before: she followed Jacqueline into the large
dressing room adjacent to the studio, where the models dressed and made up and
where they left their clothing and make-up kits after hours. She remained
standing, leaning against the doorjamb, her eyes glued to the mirror of the
dressing table before which Jacqueline, without removing her gown, had sat
down. The mirror was so big - it covered the entire back wall, and the dressing
table itself was a simple slab of black glass - that she could see Jacqueline's
and her own reflection, as doing the aigrettes and the tulle netting.
Jacqueline removed the choker herself, her bare arms lifted like two handles; a
touch of perspiration gleamed in her armpits, which were shaved (Why? O
wondered, what a pity, she's so fair), and O could smell the sharp delicate,
slightly plantlike odor and wondered what perfume Jacqueline ought to wear -
what perfume they would make her wear. Then Jacqueline unclasped her bracelets
and put them on the glass slab, where they made a momentary clanking sound like
the sound of chains. Her hair was so fair that her skin was actually darker
than her hair, a grayish beige like fine-grained sand just after the tide has
gone out. On the photograph, the red silk would be black. Just then, the thick
eyelashes, which Jacqueline was always reluctant to make up, lifted, and in the
mirror O met her gaze, a look so direct and steady that, without being able to
detach her own eyes from it, she felt herself slowly blushing. That was all.
"I'm sorry,"
Jacqueline said, "I have to undress."
"Sorry," O
murmured, and closed the door.
The next day she took home
with her the proofs of the shots she had made the day before, not really
knowing whether she wanted, or did not want, to show them to her love, with
whom she had a dinner date. She looked at them as she was putting on her
make-up at the dressing table in her room, pausing to trace on the photographs
with her finger the curve of an eyebrow, the suggestion of a smile. But when
she heard the sound of the key in the front door, she slipped them into the
drawer.
![]()
For two weeks, O had been
completely outfitted and ready for use, and could not get used to being so,
when she discovered one evening upon returning from the studio a note from her
lover asking her to be ready at eight to join him and one of his friends for
dinner. A car would stop by to pick her up, the chauffeur would come up and
ring her bell. The postscript specified that she was to take her fur jacket,
that she was to dress entirely in black (entirely was underlined), and
was to be at pains to make up and perfume herself as at Roissy.
It was six o'clock.
Entirely in black, and for dinner - and it was mid-December, the weather was cold,
that meant black silk stockings, black gloves, her pleated fan-shaped skirt, a
heavy-knit sweater, with spangles or her short jacket of faille. It was padded
and quilted in large stitches, close fitting and hooked from neck to waist like
the tight-fitting doublets that men used to wear in the sixteenth century, and
if it molded the bosom so perfectly, it was because the brassiere was built
into it. It was lined of the same faille, and its slit tails were hip-length.
The only bright foil were the large gold hooks like those on children's snow
boots which made a clicking sound as they were hooked or unhooked from their
broad flat rings.
After she had laid out her
clothes on her bed, and at the foot of the bed her black suede shoes with
raised soles and spiked heels, nothing seemed stranger to O than to see
herself, solitary and free in her bathroom, meticulously making herself up and
perfuming herself, after she had taken her bath, as she had done at Roissy. The
cosmetics she owned were not the same as those used at Roissy. In the drawer of
her dressing table she found some face rouge - she never used any - which she
utilized to emphasize the halo of her breasts. It was a rouge which was
scarcely visible when first applied, but when darkened later. At first she
thought she had put on too much and tried to take a little off with alcohol -
it was very hard to remove - and started all over: a dark peony pink flowered
at the tip of her breasts. Vainly she tried to make up the lips which the
fleece of her loins concealed, but the rouge left no mark. Finally, among the
tubes of lipstick she had in the same drawer, she found one of those kiss proof
lipsticks which she did not like to use because they were too dry and too hard
to remove. There, it worked. She fixed her hair and freshened her face, then
finally put on the perfume. René had given her, in an atomizer which released a
heavy spray, a perfume whose name she didn't know, which had the odor of dry
wood and marshy plants, a pungent, slightly savage odor. On her skin the spray
melted, on the fur of the armpits and belly it ran and formed tiny droplets.
At Roissy, O had learned to
take her time: she perfumed herself three times, each time allowing the perfume
to dry. First she put on her stockings, and high heels, then the petticoat and
skirt, then the jacket. She put on her gloves and took her bag. In her bag were
her compact, her lipstick, a comb, her key, and ten francs. Wearing her gloves,
she took her fur coat from the closet and glanced at the time at the head of
her bed: quarter to eight. She sat down diagonally on the edge of the bed and,
her eyes riveted to the alarm clock, waited without moving for the bell to
ring. When she heard it at last and rose to leave, she noticed in the mirror
above her dressing table, before turning out the light, her bold, gentle,
docile expression.
When she pushed open the
door of the little Italian restaurant before which the car had stopped, the
first person she saw, at the bar, was René. He smiled at her tenderly, took her
by the hand, and turning toward a sort of grizzled athlete, introduced her tin
English to Sir Stephen H. O was offered a stool between the two men, and as she
was about to sit down René said to her in a half-whisper to be careful not to
muss her dress. He helped her to slide her skirt out from under her and down
over the edges of the stool, the cold leather of which she felt against her
skin, while the metal rim around it pressed directly against the furrow of her
thighs, for at first she had dared only half sit down, for fear that if she
were to sit down completely she might yield to the temptation to cross her
legs. Her skirt billowed around her. Her right heel was caught in one of the
rungs of the stool, the tip of her left foot was touching the floor. The
Englishman, who had bowed without uttering a word, had not taken his eyes off
her, she saw that he was looking at her knees, her hands, and finally at her
lips - but so calmly and with such precise attention, with such self-assurance,
that O felt herself being weighed and measured as the instrument she knew full
well she was, and it was as though compelled by his gaze and, so to speak, in
spite of herself that she withdrew her gloves: she knew that he would speak
when her hands were bare - because she had unusual hands, more like those of a
young boy than the hands of a woman, and because she was wearing on the third
finger of her left hand the iron ring with the triple spiral of gold. But no,
he said nothing, he smiled: he had seen the ring.
René was drinking a
martini, Sir Stephen a whisky. He nursed his whisky, then waited till René had
drunk his second martini and O the grapefruit juice that René had ordered for
her, meanwhile explaining that if O would be good enough to concur in their
joint opinion, they would dine in the room downstairs, which was smaller and
less noisy than the one on the first floor, which was simply the extension of
the bar.
"Of course," O
said, already gathering up her bag and gloves which she had placed on the bar.
Then, to help her off the
stool, Sir Stephen offered her his right hand, in which she placed hers, he
finally addressing her directly by observing that she had hands that were made
to wear irons, so becoming was iron to her. But as he said it in English, there
was a trace of ambiguity in his words, leaving one in some doubt as to whether
he was referring to the metal alone or whether he were not also, and perhaps
even specifically, referring to iron chains.
In the room downstairs,
which was a simple white-washed cellar, but cool and pleasant, there were in
fact only four tables, one of which was occupied by guests who were finishing
their meal. On the walls had been drawn, like a fresco, a gastronomical and
tourist map of Italy, in soft, ice cream colors: vanilla, raspberry, and
pistachio. It reminded O that she wanted to order ice cream for dessert, with
lots of almonds and whipped cream. For she was feeling light and happy, René's
knee was touching her knee beneath the table, and whenever he spoke she knew he
was talking for her ears alone. He too was observing her lips. They let her
have the ice cream, but not the coffee. Sir Stephen invited O and René to have
coffee at his place. They all dined very lightly, and O realized that they had
been careful to drink very little, and had kept her from virtually drinking at
all: half a liter of Chianti for the three of them. They had also dined very
quickly: it was barely nine o'clock.
"I sent the chauffeur
home," said Sir Stephen. "Would you drive, René. The simplest thing would
be to go straight to my house."
René took the wheal. O sat
beside him, and Sir Stephen was next to her. The car was a big Buick, there was
ample room for three people in the front seat.
After the Alma
intersection, the Cours la Reine was visible because trees were bare, and the
Place de la Concorde sparkling and dry with, above it, the sort of sky which
promises snow, but from which snow has not yet fallen. O heard a little click
and felt the warm air rising around her legs: Sir Stephen had turned on the
heater. René was still keeping to the Right Bank of the Seine, then he turned
at the Pont Royal to cross over to the Left Bank: between its stone yokes, the
water looked as frozen as the stone, and just as black. O thought of hematites,
which are black. When she was fifteen her best friend, who was then thirty and
with whom she was in love, wore a hematite ring set in a cluster of tiny
diamonds. O would have liked a necklace of those black stones, without
diamonds, a tight-fitting necklace, perhaps even a choker. But the necklaces
that were given to her now - no they were not given to her - would she exchange
them for the necklace of hematites, for the hematites of the dream? She saw
again the wretched room where Marion had taken her, behind the Turbigo
intersection, and remembered how she had untied - she, not Marion - her two big
schoolgirl pigtails when Marion had undressed her and laid her down on the iron
bed. How lovely Marion was when she was being caressed, and it's true that eyes
can resemble stars; hers looked like quivering blue stars.
René stopped the car. O did
not recognize the little street, one of the cross streets which joins the rue
de l'Universite and the rue de Lille.
Sir Stephen's apartment was
situated at the far end of a courtyard, in one wing of an old private mansion,
and the rooms were laid out in a straight line, one opening into the next. The
room at the very end was also the largest, and the most reposing, furnished in
dark English mahogany and pale yellow and gray silk drapes.
"I shan't ask you to
tend the fire," Sir Stephen said to O, "but this sofa is for you.
Please sit down, René will make coffee. I would be most grateful if you would
hear what I have to say."
The large sofa of
light-colored Damascus silk was set at right angles to the fireplace, facing
the windows which overlooked the garden and with its back to those behind,
which looked onto the courtyard. O took off her fur and lay it over the back of
the sofa. When she turned around, she noticed that her lover and her host were
standing, waiting for her to accept Sir Stephen's invitation. She set her bag
down next to her fur and unbuttoned her gloves. When, would she ever learn, and
would she ever learn, a gesture stealthy enough so that when she lifted her
skirt no would notice, so that she could forget her nakedness, her submission?
Not, in any case, as long as René and that stranger were staring at her in
silence, as they were presently doing. Finally she gave in. Sir Stephen stirred
the fire, René suddenly went behind the sofa and, seizing O by the throat and
the hair, pulled her head down against the couch and kissed her on the mouth, a
kiss so prolonged and profound that she gasped for breath and could feel her
loins melting and burning. He let her go only long enough to tell her that he
loved her, and then immediately took her again. O's hands, overturned in a
gesture of utter abandon and defeat, her palms upward, lay quietly on her black
dress that spread like a corolla around her. Sir Stephen had come nearer, and
when at last René let her go and she opened her eyes, it was the gray,
unflinching gaze of the Englishman which she encountered.
Completely stunned and
bewildered, as she still was, and gasping with joy, she none the less was
easily able to see that he was admiring her, and that he desired her. Who could
have resisted her moist, half-open mouth, with its full lips, the white stalk
of her arching neck against the black collar of her pageboy jacket, her eyes
large and clear, which refused to be evasive? But the only gesture Sir Stephen
allowed himself was to run his fingers over her eyebrows, then over her lips.
Then he sat down facing her on the opposite side of the fireplace, and when
René had also sat down in an armchair, he began to speak.
"I don't believe René
has ever spoken to you about his family," he said. "Still, perhaps
you do know that his mother, before she married his father, had previously been
married to an Englishman, who had a son from his first marriage. I am that son,
and it was she who raised me, until she left my father. So René and I are not
actually relatives, and yet, in a way, we are brothers. That René loves you I
have no doubt. I would have known even if he hadn't told me, even if he hadn't
made a move: all one has to do is to see the way he looks at you. I know too
that you are among those girls who have been to Roissy, and i imagine you'll be
going back again. In principle, the ring you're wearing gives me the right to
do with you what I will, as it does to all those men who know its meaning. But
that involves merely a fleeting assignation, and what we expect from you is
more serious. I say 'we' because, as you see, René is saying nothing: he
prefers to have me speak for both of us.
"If we are brothers, I
am the eldest, ten years older than he. There is also between us a freedom so
absolute and of such long standing that what belongs to me has always belonged
to him, and what belongs to him has likewise belonged to me. Will you agree to
join with us? I beg of you to, and I ask you to swear to it because it will
involve more than your submission, which I know we can count on. Before you
reply, realize for a moment that I am only, and can only be, another form of
your lover: you will still have only one master. A more formidable one, I grand
you, than the men to whom you were surrendered at Roissy, because I shall be
there every day, and besides I am fond of habits and rites...." (This last
phrase he uttered in English.)
Sir Stephen's quit,
self-assured voice rose in an absolute silence. Even the flames in the
fireplace flickered noiselessly. O was frozen to the sofa like a butterfly
impaled upon a pin, a long pin composed of words and looks which pierced the
middle of her body and pressed her naked, attentive loins against the warm
silk. She was no longer mistress of her breasts, her hands, the nape of her
neck. But of this much she was sure: the object of the habits and rites of
which he had spoken were patently going to be the possession of (among other
parts of her body) her long thighs concealed beneath the black skirt, her
already opened thighs.
Both men were sitting
across from her. René was smoking, but before he had lighted his cigarette he
had lighted one of those black-hooded lamps which consumes the smoke, and the
air, already purified by the wood fire, smelled of the cool odors of the night.
"Will you give me an
answer, or would you like to know more?" Sir Stephen repeated.
"If you give your
consent," René said, "I'll personally explain to you Sir Stephen's
preferences."
"Demands," Sir
Stephen corrected.
The hardest thing, O was
thinking, was not the question of giving her consent, and she realized that
never for a moment did either of them dream that she might refuse; nor for that
matter did she. The hardest thing was simply to speak. Her lips were burning
and her mouth was dry, all her saliva was gone, an anguish both of fear and
desire constricted her throat, and her new-found hands were cold and moist. If
only she could have closed her eyes. But she could not. Two gazes talked her
eyes, gazes from which she could not - and did not desire to - escape. They
drew her toward something she thought she had left behind for a long time,
perhaps forever, at Roissy. For since her return, René had taken her only by
caresses, and the symbol signifying that she belonged to anyone who knew the
secret of her ring had been without consequence: either she had not met anyone
who was familiar with the secret, or else those who had remained silent - the
only person she suspected was Jacqueline (and if Jacqueline had been at Roissy,
why wasn't she also wearing the ring? Besides, what right did Jacqueline's
knowledge of this secret give her over O, and did it, in fact give her any?).
In order to speak, did she have to move? But she could not move of her own free
will - an order from them would immediately have made her get up, but this time
what they w anted from he was not blind obedience, acquiescence to an order,
they wanted her to anticipate orders, to judge herself a slave and surrender
herself as such. This, then, is what they called her consent. She remembered
that she had never told René anything but "I love you" or "I'm
yours." Today it seemed that they wanted her to speak and to agree to,
specifically and in detail, what till now she had only tacitly consented to.
Finally she straightened up
and, as though what she was going to say was stifling her, unfastened the top
hooks of her tunic, until the cleavage of her breasts was visible. Then she
stood up. Her hands and her knees were shaking.
"I'm yours," she
said at length to René. "I'll be whatever you want me to be."
"No," he broke
in, "ours. Repeat after me: I belong to both of you. I shall be whatever
both of you want me to be."
Sir Stephen's piercing gray
eyes were fixed firmly upon hers, as were René's, and in them she was lost,
slowly repeating after him the phrases he was dictating to her, but like a
lesson of grammar, she was transposing them into the first person.
"To Sir Stephen and to
me you grand the right..." The right to dispose of her body however they
wished, in whatever place or manner they should choose, the right to keep her
in chains, the right to whip her like a slave or prisoner for the slightest
failing or infraction, or simply for their pleasure, the right to pay no heed
to her pleas and cries, if they should make her cry out.
"I believe," said
René, "that at this point Sir Stephen would like me to take over, both you
and I willing, and have me brief you concerning his demands."
O was listening to her
lover, and the words which he had spoken to her at Roissy came back to her:
they were almost the same words. But then she had listened snuffled up against
him, protected by a feeling of improbability, as though it were all a dream, as
though she existed only in another life, and perhaps did not really exist at
all. Dream or nightmare, the prison setting, the lavish party gowns, men in
masks: all this removed from her own life, even to the point of being uncertain
how long it would last. There, at Roissy, she felt the way you do at night,
lost in a dream you have had before and are now beginning to dream all over
again: certain that it exists and certain that it will end, and you want it to
end because you're not sure you'll be able to bear it, and you also want it to
go on so you'll know how it comes out. Well the end was here, where she least
expected it (or no longer expected it at all) and in the form she least
expected (assuming, she was saying to herself, that this really was the end,
that there was not actually another hiding behind this one, and perhaps still
another behind the next one). The present end was toppling her from memory into
reality and, besides, what had only been reality in a closed circle, a private
universe, was suddenly about to contaminate all the customs and circumstances
of her daily life, but on her and within her, now no longer satisfied with
signs and symbols - the bare buttocks, bodices that unhook, the iron ring - but
demanding fulfillment.
It was true that René had
never whipped her, and the only difference between the period of their
relationship prior to his taking her to Roissy and the time elapsed since her
return was that now he used both her backside and mouth the way he formerly had
used only her womb (which he continued to use). She had never been able to tell
whether the floggings she had regularly received at Roissy had been
administered, were it only once, by him (whenever there was any question about
it, that is when she herself had been blindfolded or when those with whom she
was dealing were masked), but she tended to doubt it. The pleasure he derived
from the spectacle of her body bound and surrendered, struggling vainly, and of
her cries, was doubtless so great that he could not bear the idea of lending a
hand himself and thus having his attention distracted from it. It was as though
he were admitting it, since he was now saying to her, so gently, so tenderly,
without moving from the deep armchair in which he was half reclining with his
legs crossed, he was saying how happy he was that she was handing herself
over to, the commands and desires of Sir Stephen. Whenever Sir Stephen would
like her to spend the night at his place, or only an hour, or if he should want
her to accompany him outside Paris or, in Paris itself, to join him at some
restaurant or for some show, he would telephone her and send his car for her -
unless René himself came to pick her up. Today, now, it was her turn to speak.
Did she consent? But words failed her. This willful assent they were suddenly asking
her to express was the agreement to surrender herself, to say yes in advance to
everything to which she most assuredly wanted to say yes but to which her body
said no, at least insofar as the whipping was concerned. As for the rest, if
she were honest with herself, she would have to admit to a feeling of both
anxiety and excitement caused by what she read in Sir Stephen's eyes, a feeling
too intense for her to delude herself, and as she was trembling like a leaf,
and perhaps for the very reason that she was trembling, she knew that she was
waiting more impatiently than he for the moment when he would place his hand,
and perhaps his lips, upon her. It was probably up to her to hasten the moment.
Whatever courage, or whatever surge of overwhelming desire she may have had,
she felt herself suddenly grow so weak as she was about to reply that she
slipped to the floor, her dress in full bloom around her, and in the silence
Sir Stephen's hollow voice remarked that fear was becoming to her too. His
words were not intended for her, but for René. O had the feeling that he was
restraining himself from advancing upon her, and regretted his restraint. And
yet she avoided his gaze, her eyes fixed upon René, terrified lest he should
see what was in her eyes and perhaps deem it as a betrayal. And yet it was not
betrayal, for if she were to weigh her desire to belong to Sir Stephen against
her belonging to René, she would not have had a second's hesitation: the only
reason she was yielding to this desire was that René had allowed her to and, to
a certain extent, given her to understand that he was ordering her to. And yet
there was still a lingering doubt in her mind as to whether René might not be
annoyed to see her acquiesce too quickly or too well. The slightest sign from
him would obliterate it immediately. But he made no sign, confining himself to
ask her for the third time for an answer. She mumbled:
"I consent to whatever
you both desire," and lowered her eyes toward her hands, which were
waiting unclasped in the hollows of her knees, then added in a murmur: "I
should like to know whether I shall be whipped...."
There was a long pause,
during which she regretted twenty times over having asked the question. Then
Sir Stephen's voice said slowly:
"From time to
time."
Then O heard a match being
struck and the sound of glasses: both men were probably helping themselves to
another round of whisky. René was leaving O to her own devices. René was saying
nothing.
"Even if I agree to it
now," she said, "even if I promise now, I couldn't bear it."
"All we ask you to do
is submit to it, and if you scream or moan, to agree ahead of time that it will
be in vain," Sir Stephen went on.
"Oh, please, for
pity's sake, not yet!" said O, for Sir Stephen was getting to his feet,
René was following suit, he leaned down and took her by the shoulders.
"So give us your
answer," he said. "Do you consent?"
Finally she said that she
did. Gently he helped her up and, having sat down on the big sofa, made her
kneel down alongside him facing the sofa, on which reclined her outstretched
arms, her bust, and her head. Her eyes were closed, and an image she had seen
several years before flashed across her mind: a strange print portraying a
woman kneeling, as she was, before an armchair. The floor was of tile, and in
one corner a dog and child were playing. The woman's skirts were raised, and
standing close beside her was a man brandishing a handful of switches, ready to
whip her. They were all dressed in sixteenth-century clothes, and the print bore
a title which she found disgusting: Family Punishment.
With one hand, René took
her wrists in a viselike grip, and with the other lifted her skirts so high
that she could feel the muslin lining brush her cheek. He caressed her flanks
and drew Sir Stephen's attention to the two dimples that graced them, and the
softness of the furrow between her thighs. Then with that same hand he pressed
her waist, to accentuate further her buttocks, and ordered her to pen her knees
wider. She obeyed without saying a word. The honors René was bestowing upon her
body, and Sir Stephen's replies, and the coarseness of the terms the men were
using so overwhelmed her with a shame as violent as it was unexpected that the
desire she had felt to be had by Sir Stephen vanished and she began to wish for
the whip as a deliverance, for the pain and screams as a justification. But Sir
Stephen's hands pried open her again, caressed her until she moaned. She was
vanquished, undone, and humiliated that she had moaned.
"I leave you to Sir Stephen,"
René then said. "Remain the way you are, he'll dismiss you when he sees
fit."
How often had she remained
like this at Roissy, on her knees, offered to one and all? But then she had
always had her hands bound together by the bracelets, a happy prisoner upon
whom everything was imposed and from whom nothing was asked. Her it was through
her own free will that she remained half naked, whereas a single gesture, the
same that would have sufficed to bring her back to her feet, would also have
sufficed to cover her. Her promise bound her as much as had the leather
bracelets and chains. Was it only the promise? And however humiliated she was,
or rather because she had been humiliated, was it not somehow pleasant to be
esteemed only for her humiliation, for the meekness with which she surrendered,
for the obedient way in which she opened?
With René gone, Sir Stephen
having escorted him to the door, she waited thus alone, motionless, feeling
more exposed in the solitude and more prostituted by the wait than she had ever
felt before, when they were there. The gray and yellow silk of the sofa was
smooth to her cheek; through her nylon stockings she felt, below her knees, the
thick wool rug, and along the full length of her left thigh, the warmth from
the fireplace hearth, for Sir Stephen had added three logs which were blazing
noisily. Above a chest of drawers, an antique clock ticked so quietly that it
was only audible when everything around was silent. O listened carefully,
thinking how absurd her position was in this civilized, tasteful living room.
Through the Venetian blinds could be heard the sleepy rumbling of Paris after
midnight. In the light of day, tomorrow morning, would she recognize the spot
on the sofa cushion where she had laid her head? Would she ever return, in
broad daylight, to this same living room, would she ever be treated in the same
way here?
Sir Stephen was apparently
in no hurry to return, and O, who had waited so submissively for the strangers
of Roissy to take their pleasure, now felt a lump rise in her throat at the
idea that in one minute, in ten minutes, he would again put his hands on her.
But it was not exactly as she had imagined it.
She heard him open the door
and cross the room. He remained for some time with his back to the fire,
studying O, then in a near whisper he told her to get up and then sit back
down. Surprised, almost embarrassed, she obeyed. He courteously brought her a
glass of whisky and a cigarette, both of which she refused. Then she saw that
he was in a dressing gown, a very conservative dressing gown of gray homespun -
a gray that matched his hair. His hands were long and dry and his flat
fingernails, cut short, were very white. He caught her staring, and O blushed:
these were indeed the same hands which had seized her body, the hands she now
dreaded, and desired. But he did not approach her.
"I'd like you to get
completely undressed," he said. "But first simply undo your jacket,
without getting up."
O unhooked the large gold
hooks and slipped her close-fitting jacket down over her shoulders; then she
put it at the other end of the sofa, where her fur, her gloves, and her bag
were.
"Caress the tips of
your breasts, ever so lightly," Sir Stephen said then, before adding:
"You must use a darker rouge, yours is too light."
Taken completely aback, O
fondled her nipples with her fingertips and felt them stiffen and rise. She
covered them with her palms.
"Oh, no!" Sir
Stephen said.
She withdrew her hands and
lay back against the back of the couch: her breasts were heavy for so slender a
torso, and, parting, rose gently toward her armpits. The nape of her neck was
resting against the back of the sofa, and her hands were lying on either side
of her hips. Why did Sir Stephen not bend over, bring his mouth close to hers,
why did his hands not move toward the nipples which he had seen stiffen and
which she, being absolutely motionless, could feel quiver whenever she took a
breath. But he had drawn near, had sat down across the arm of the sofa, and was
not touching her. He was smoking, and a movement of his hand - O never knew
whether or not it was voluntary - flicked some still-warm ashes down between
her breasts. She had the feeling he wanted to insult her, by his disdain, his
silence, by a certain attitude of detachment. Yet he had desired her a while
ago, he still did now, she could see it by the tautness beneath the soft
material of his dressing gown. Then let him take her, if only to wound her! O
hated herself for her own desire, and loathed Sir Stephen for the self-control
he was displaying. She wanted him to love her, there, the truth was out: she
wanted him to be chafing under the urge to touch her lips and penetrate her
body, to devastate her if need be, but not to remain so calm and
self-possessed. At Roissy, she had not cared in the slightest whether those who
had used her had any feeling whatsoever: they were the instruments by which her
lover derived pleasure from her, by which she became what he wanted her to be,
polished and smooth and gentle as a stone. Their hands were his hands, their
order his order. But not here. René had turned her over to Sir Stephen, but it
was clear that he wanted to share her with him, not to obtain anything further
from her, nor for the pleasure of surrendering her, but in order to share with
Sir Stephen what today he loved most, as no doubt in days gone by, when they
were young, they had shared a trip, a boat, a horse.
And today, this sharing
derived the meaning from René's relation to Sir Stephen much more than it did
from his relation to her. What each of them would look for in her would be the
other's mark, the trace of the other's passage. Only a short while before, when
she had been kneeling half-naked before René, and Sir Stephen had opened her
thighs with both his hands, René had explained to Sir Stephen why O's buttocks
were so easily accessible, and why he was pleased that they had been thus
prepared: it was because it had occurred to him that Sir Stephen would enjoy
having his preferred path constantly at his disposal. He had even added that,
if Sir Stephen wished, he would grant him the sole use of it.
"Why, gladly,"
Sir Stephen had said, but he had remarked that, in spite of everything, there
was a risk that he might rend O.
"O is yours,"
René had replied, "O will be pleased to be rent."
And he had leaned down over
her and kissed her hands.
The very idea that René
could imagine giving up any part of her left O stunned. She had taken it as the
sign that her lover cared more about Sir Stephen than he did about her. And
too, although he had so often told her that what he loved in her was the object
he had made of her, her absolute availability to him, his freedom with respect
to her, as one is free to dispose of a piece of furniture, which one enjoys
giving as much as, and sometimes even more than, one may enjoy keeping it for
oneself, she realized that she had not believed him completely.
She saw another sign of
what could scarcely be termed anything but a certain deference or respect
toward Sir Stephen, in the fact that René, who so passionately loved to see her
beneath the bodies or the blows of others beside himself, whose look was one of
constant tenderness, of unflagging gratitude whenever he saw her mouth open to
moan or scream, her eyes closed over tears, had left her after having made
certain, by exposing her to him, by opening her as one opens a horse's mouth to
prove that it is young enough, that Sir Stephen found her beautiful enough or,
strictly speaking, suitable enough for him, and vouchsafed to accept her. However
offensive and insulting his conduct may have been, O's love for René remained
unchanged. She considered herself fortunate to count enough in his eyes for him
to derive pleasure from offending her, as believers give thanks to God for
humbling them.
But, in Sir Stephen, she
thought she detected a will of ice and iron, which would not be swayed by
desire, a will in whose judgement, no matter how moving and submissive she
might be, she counted for absolutely nothing, at least till now. Otherwise why
should she have been so frightened? The whip at the valets' belt at Roissy, the
chains borne almost constantly had seemed to her less terrifying than the
equanimity of Sir Stephen's gaze as it fastened on the breasts he refrained
from touching. She realized to what extent their very fullness, smooth and
distended on her tiny shoulders and slender torso, rendered them fragile. She
could not keep them from trembling, she would have had to stop breathing. To
hope that this fragility would disarm Sir Stephen was futile, and she was fully
aware that it was quite the contrary: her proffered gentleness cried for wounds
as much as caresses, fingernails as much as lips. She had a momentary illusion:
Sir Stephen's right hand, which was holding his cigarette, grazed their tips
with the end of his middle finger and, obediently, they stiffened further. That
this, for Sir Stephen, was a game, or the guise of a game, nothing more, or a
check, the way one checks to ascertain whether a machine is functioning
properly, O had no doubt.
Without moving from the arm
of his chair, Sir Stephen then told her to take off her skirt. O's moist hands
made the hooks slippery, and it took her two tries before she succeeded in
undoing the black faille petticoat under her skirt.
When she was completely
naked, her high-heeled patent-leather sandals and her black nylon stockings
rolled down flat above her knees, accentuating the delicate lines of her legs
and the whiteness of thighs, Sir Stephen, who had also gotten to his feet,
seized her loins with one hand and pushed her toward the sofa. He had her kneel
down, her back against the sofa, and to make her press more tightly against it
with her shoulders than with her waist, he made her spread her thighs slightly.
Her hands were lying on her ankles, thus forcing her belly ajar, and above her
still proffered breasts, her throat arched back.
She did not dare look Sir
Stephen in the face, but she saw his hands undoing his belt. When he had
straddled O, who was still kneeling, and had seized her by the nape of her
neck, he drove into her mouth. It was not the caress of her lips the length of
him he was looking for, but the back of her throat. For a long time he probed,
and O felt the suffocating gag of flesh swell and harden, its slow repeated
hammering finally bringing her to tears. In order to invade her better, Sir
Stephen ended by kneeling on the sofa, one knee on each side of her face, and
there were moments when his buttocks rested on O's breast, and in her heart she
felt her womb, useless and scorned, burning her. Although he delighted and
reveled in her for a long time, Sir Stephen did not bring his pleasure to a
climax, but withdrew from her in silence and rose again to his feet, without
closing his dressing gown.
"You are easy,
O," he said to her. "You love René, but you're easy. Does René
realize that you covet and long for all the men who desire you, that by sending
you to Roissy or surrendering you to others he is providing you with a string
of alibis to cover your easy virtue?"
"I love René," O
replied.
"You love René, but
you desire me, among others," Sir Stephen went on.
Yes, she did desire him,
but what if René, upon learning it, were to change? All she could do was remain
silent and lower her eyes: even to have looked Sir Stephen directly in the eyes
would have been tantamount to a confession.
Then Sir Stephen bent down
over her and, taking her by the shoulders, made her slide down onto the rug.
Again she was on her back, her legs raised and doubled up against her. Sir
Stephen, who had sat down on the part of the couch against which she had just
been leaning, seized her right knee and pulled her toward him. Since she was
facing the fireplace, the light from the nearby hearth shed a fierce light upon
the double, quartered furrow of her belly and rear. Without loosing his grip,
Sir Stephen abruptly ordered her to caress herself, without closing her legs.
Startled, O meekly stretched her right hand toward her loins, where her fingers
encountered the ridge of flesh - already emerging from the protective fleece
beneath, already burning - where her belly's fragile lips merged.
But her hand recoiled and
she mumbled:
"I can't."
And in fact she could not.
The only times she had ever caressed herself furtively had been in the warmth
and obscurity of her bed, when she slept alone, but she had never tried to
carry it to a climax. But later she would sometimes come upon it in her sleep
and would wake up disappointed that it had been so intense and yet so fleeting.
Sir Stephen's gaze was
persistent. She could not bear it, and repeating "I can't," she
closed her eyes.
What she was seeing in her
mind's eye, what she had never been able to forget, what still filled her with
the same sensation of nausea and disgust that she had felt when she had first
witnessed it when she was fifteen, was the image of Marion slumped in the
leather armchair in a hotel room, Marion with one leg sprawled over one arm of
the chair and her head half hanging over the other, caressing herself in her,
O's, presence, and moaning. Marion had related to her how she had one day
caressed herself this way in her office when she had thought she was alone, and
her boss had happened to walk in and caught her in the act.
O remembered Marion's
office, a bare room with pale green walls, with the north light filtering in
through dusty windows. There was only one easy chair, intended for visitors,
facing the table.
"Did you run
away?" O had asked.
"No," Marion had
answered, "he asked me to begin all over again, but he locked the door,
made me take off my panties, and pushed the chair over in front of the
window."
O had been overwhelmed with
admiration - and with horror - for what she took to be Marion's courage, and
had steadfastly refused to fondle herself in Marion's presence and sworn that she
never would, in anyone's presence. Marion had laughed and said:
"You'll see. Wait till
your lover asks you to."
René never had asked her
to. Would she have obeyed? Yes, of course she would, but she would also have
been terrified at the thought that she might see René's eyes filling with the
same disgust that she had felt for Marion. Which was absurd. And since it was
Sir Stephen, it was all the more absurd; what did she care whether Sir Stephen
was disgusted? But no, she couldn't. For the third time she murmured:
"I can't."
Though she uttered the
words in almost a whisper, he heard them, let her go, rose to his feet, closed
his dressing gown, and ordered O to get up.
"Is this your
obedience?" he said.
Then he caught both her
wrists with his left hand, and with his right he slapped her on both sides of
the face. She staggered, and would have fallen had he not held her up.
"Kneel down and listen
to me," he said. "I'm afraid René's training leave a great deal to be
desired."
"I always obey
René," she mumbled.
"You're confusing love
and obedience. You'll obey me without loving me, and without my loving
you."
With that, she felt a
strange inexplicable storm of revolt rising within her, silently denying in the
depths of her being the words she was hearing, denying her promises of
submission and slavery, denying her own agreement, her own desire, her
nakedness, her sweat, her trembling limbs, the circles under her eyes. She
struggled and clenched her teeth with rage when, having made her bend over,
with her elbows on the floor and her head between her arms, her buttocks
raised, he forced her from behind, to rend her as René had said he would.
The first time she did not
cry out. He went at it again, harder now, and she screamed. She screamed as
much out of revolt as of pain, and he was fully aware of it. She also knew -
which meant that in any event she was vanquished - that he was pleased to make
her cry out. When he had finished with her, and after he had helped her to her
feet, he was on the point of dismissing her when he remarked to her that what
he had spilled in her was going to seep slowly out, tinted with the blood of
the wound he had inflicted on her, that this wound would burn her as long as
her buttocks were not used to him and he was obliged to keep forcing his way.
René had reserved this particular use of her to him, and he certainly intended
to make full use of it, she had best have no illusions on that score. He
reminded her that she had agreed to be René's slave, and his too, but that it
appeared unlikely that she was aware - consciously aware - of what she had
consented to. By the time she had learned, it would be too late for her to
escape.
Listening, O told herself
that perhaps it would also be too late for him to escape becoming enamored of
her, for she had no intention of being quickly tamed, and by the time she was
he might have learned to love her a little. For all her inner resistance, and
the timid refusal she had dared to display, had one object and one object
alone: she wanted to exist for Sir Stephen in however modest a way, in the same
way she existed for René, and wanted him to feel something more than desire for
her. Not that she was in love, but because she clearly saw that René loved Sir
Stephen in that passionate way boys love their elders, and she sensed that he
was ready, if need be, to sacrifice her to any and all of Sir Stephen's whims,
in an effort to satisfy him. She knew with an infallible intuition that that
René would follow Sir Stephen's example and emulate his attitude, and that if
Sir Stephen were to show contempt for her René would be contaminated by it, no
matter how much he loved her, contaminated in a way he had never been, or had
dreamed of being, by the opinions and example of the men at Roissy. This was
because at Roissy, with regard to her, he was the master, and the opinions of
all the men there to whom he gave her derived from and depended on his own.
Here he was not the master any longer. On the contrary, Sir Stephen was René's
master, without René's being fully aware of it, which is to say that René
admired him and wanted to emulate him, to compete with him, and why he had
given O to him: this time it was apparent that she had been given with no
strings attached. René would probably go on loving her insofar as Sir Stephen
deemed that she was worth the trouble and would love her himself. Till then, it
was clear that Sir Stephen would be her master and, regardless of what René
might think, her only master, in the precise relationship of master to slave.
She did not expect any pity from him; but could she not hope to wrest some
slight feeling of love from him?
Sprawled in the same big
armchair next to the fire, which he had been occupying before René' departure,
he had left her standing there naked and told her to await his further orders.
She had waited without saying a word. Then he had got to his feet and told her
to follow him. Still naked, except for her high-heeled sandals and black
stockings, she had followed him up a flight of stairs which went from the ground-floor
landing, and entered a small bedroom, a room so tiny there was only space
enough for a bed in one corner and a dressing table and chair between the bed
and window. This small room communicated with a larger room, which was Sir
Stephen's, with a common bathroom between.
O washed and wiped herself
- the towel was faintly stained with pink - removed her sandals and stockings,
and crawled in between the cold sheets. The curtains of the window were open,
but the night was dark.
Before he closed the door
between their rooms, after O was already in bed, Sir Stephen came over to her
and kissed her fingertips, as he had done when she had slipped down her stool
in the bar and he had complimented her on her iron ring. Thus, he had thrust
his hands and sex into her, ransacked and ravaged her mouth and rear, but
condescended only to place his lips upon her fingertips. O wept, and did not
fall asleep until dawn.
![]()
The following day, a little
before noon, Sir Stephen's chauffeur drove O home. She had awakened at ten, an
elderly mulatto servant had brought her a cup of coffee, prepared her bath, and
given her her clothes, except for her fur wrap, her gloves, and her bag, which
she had found on the living-room couch when she had gone downstairs. The living
room was empty, the Venetian blinds were raised, and the curtains were open.
Through the window opposite the couch, she could see a garden green and narrow
as an aquarium, planed in nothing but ivy, holly, and spindle hedges.
As she was putting on her
coat, the mulatto servant told her that Sir Stephen had left, and handed her an
envelope on which there was nothing but her initial; the white sheet inside
consisted of two lines: "René phoned that he would come by for you at the
studio at six o'clock," signed with and S and with a postscript: "The
riding crop is for your next visit."
O glanced around her: on
the table, between the two chairs in which Sir Stephen and René had been
sitting the evening before, there was a long, slender, leather riding crop near
a vase of yellow roses. The servant was waiting at the door. O put the letter
in her bag and left.
So René had phoned Sir
Stephen, and not her. Back home, after having taken off her clothes, and having
had lunch in her dressing gown, she still had plenty of time to freshen her
make-up and rearrange her hair, and to get dressed to go to the studio, where
she was due at three o'clock. The telephone did not ring; René did not call
her. Why? What had Sir Stephen told him? How had they talked about her? She
remembered the words they both had used in her presence, their casual remarks
concerning the advantages of her body with respect to the demands of theirs.
Perhaps it was merely that she was not used to this kind of vocabulary in
English, but the only French equivalents she could find seemed utterly base and
contemptible to her. It was true that she had been passed from hand to hand as
often as were the prostitutes in the brothels, so why should they treat her
otherwise? "I love you, I love you, René," she repeated, softly
calling to him in the solitude of her room, "" love you, do whatever
you want with me, but don't leave me, for God's sake, don't leave me."
Who pities those who wait?
They are easily recognized: by their gentleness, by their falsely attentive
looks - attentive, yes, but to something other than what they are looking at -
by their absent-mindedness. For three long hours, in the studio where a short, plump
red-haired model whom O did not know and who was modeling hats for her, O was
that absent-minded person, withdrawn into herself by her desire for the minutes
to hasten by, and by her own anxiety.
Over a blouse and petticoat
of red silk she had put on a plaid skirt and a short suede jacket. The bright
red of her blouse beneath her partly opened jacket made her already pale face
seem even paler, and the little red-haired model told her that she looked like
a femme fatale. "Fatal for whom?" O said to herself.
Two years earlier, before
she had met and fallen in love with René, she would have sworn: "Fatal for
Sir Stephen", and have added: "and he'll know it too." But her
love for René and René's love for her had stripped her of all her weapons, and
instead of providing her with any new proof of her power, had stripped her of
those she had previously possessed. Once she had been indifferent and fickle,
someone who enjoyed tempting, by a word or gesture, the boys who were in love
with her, but without giving them anything, then giving herself impulsively,
for no reason, once and only once, as a reward, but also to inflame then even
more and render a passion she did not share even more cruel. She was sure that
they loved her. One of them had tried to commit suicide; when he had been
released from the hospital where they had taken him, she had gone to his place,
had stripped naked, and forbidding him to touch her, had lain down on his
couch. Pale with pain and passion, he had stared at her silently for two hours,
petrified by the promise he had made. She had never wanted to see him again. It
wasn't that she took lightly the desire she aroused. She understood it, or
thought she understood, all the more so because she herself felt a similar
desire (or so she thought) for her girl friends, or for young strangers, girls
she encountered by chance. Some of them yielded to her, and she would take them
to some discreet hotel with its narrow hallways and paper-thin walls, while
others, horrified, spurned her. But what she took - or mistook - to be desire
was actually nothing more than the thirst for conquest, and neither her
tough-guy exterior nor the fact that she had had several lovers - if you could
call them lovers - nor her hardness, nor even her courage was of any help to
her when she had met René. In the space of a week she learned fear, but
certainty; anguish, but happiness. René threw himself at her like a pirate at
his prisoner, and she reveled in her captivity, feeling on her wrists, her
ankles, feeling on all her members and in the secret depths of her heart and
body, bonds less visible than the finest strands of hair, more powerful than
the cables the Lilliputians used to tie up Gulliver, bonds her lover loosened
or tightened with a glance. She was no longer free? Yes! Thank God, she was no
longer free. But she was light, a nymph on clouds, a fish in water, lost in
happiness. Lost because these fine strands of hair, these cables which René
held, without exception in his hand, were the only network through which the
current of life any longer flowed into her.
This was true to such a
degree that when René relaxed his grip upon her - or when she imagined he had -
when he seemed distracted, when he left her in a mood which she took to be
indifference of let some time go by without seeing her or replying to her
letters and she assumed that he no longer cared to see her and was on the verge
of ceasing to love her, then everything was choked and smothered within her.
The grass turned black, day was no longer day nor night any longer night, but
both merely infernal machines which alternately provided, as part of her
torture, periods of light and darkness. Cool water made her nauseous. She felt
as though she were a statue of ashes - bitter, useless, damned - like the salt
statues of Gomorrah. For she was guilty. Those who love God, and by Him are
abandoned in the dark of night, are guilty because they are abandoned.
They cast back into their memories, searching for their sins. She looked back,
hunting for hers. All she found were insignificant acts of kindness or
self-indulgence, which were not so much acts as an innate part of her
personality, such as arousing the desires of men other than René, men she
noticed only to the extent that the love René gave her, the certainty of belonging
to René, made her happy and filled her cup of happiness to overflowing, and
insofar as her total submission to René rendered her vulnerable, irresponsible,
and all her trifling acts - but what acts? For all she had to reproach herself
with were thoughts and fleeting temptations. Yet, he was certain that she was
guilty and, without really wanting to, René was punishing her for a sin he knew
nothing about (since it remained completely internal), although Sir Stephen had
immediately detected it: her wantonness.
O was happy that René had
had her whipped and had prostituted her, because her impassioned submission
would furnish her lover with the proof that she belonged to him, but also
because the pain and shame of the lash, and the outrage inflicted upon her by
those who compelled her to pleasure when they took her, and at the same time
delighted in their own without paying the slightest heed to hers, seemed to her
the very redemption of her sins. There had been embraces she had found foul,
hands that had been an intolerable insult on her breasts, mouths which had
sucked on her lips and tongues like so many soft, vile leeches, and tongues and
sexes, viscous beasts which, caressing themselves at her closed mouth, at the
double furrow before and behind, which she had squeezed tight with all her
might, had stiffened her with disgust and kept her stiffened so long that it
was all the whip could do to unbend her, but she had finally yielded to the
blows and opened, with disgust and abominable servility. And what if, in spite
of that, Sir Stephen was right? What if she actually enjoyed her debasement? In
that case, the baser she was, the more merciful was René to consent to make O
the instrument of his pleasure.
As a child, O had read a
Biblical text in red letters on the white wall of a room in Wales where she had
lived for two months, a text such as the Protestants often inscribe in their
houses:
IT IS A FEARFUL THING TO FALL
INTO THE HANDS OF THE LIVING GOD
No, O told herself now,
that isn't true. What is fearful is to be cast out at the hands of the living
God. Every time René postponed, or was late to, a rendezvous with her, as he
had done today - for six o'clock had come and gone, as had six-thirty - O was
prey to a dual feeling of madness and despair, but for nothing. Madness was
nothing, despair for nothing, nothing was true. René would arrive, he would be
there, nothing was changed, he loved her but had been held up by a staff
meeting or some extra work, he had not had time to let her know; in a flash, O
emerged from her airless chamber, and yet each of these attacks of terror would
leave behind, somewhere deep inside her, a dull premonition, a warning of woe:
for there were also times when René neglected to let her know when the reason
for the delay was a game of golf or a hand of bridge, or perhaps another face,
for he loved O but he was free, sure of her and fickle, so fickle. Would a day
of death and ashes not come, a day in the long string of other days which would
give the nod to madness, a day when the gas chamber would reopen? Oh, let the
miracle continue, let me still be touched by grace, René don't leave me! Each
day, O did not look, nor did she care to look, any further than the next day
and the day after; nor, each week, any further than the following week. And for
her every night with René was a night which would last forever.
René finally arrived at
seven, so happy to see her again that he kissed her in front of the electrician
who was repairing a floodlight, in front of the short, red-haired model who was
just coming out of the dressing room, and in front of Jacqueline, whom on one
expected, who had come in suddenly on the heels of the other model.
"What a lovely
sight," Jacqueline said to O. "I was just passing. I wanted to ask
you for the last shots of me you took, but I gather this isn't the right
moment. I'll be on my way."
"Mademoiselle, please
don't go," René called after her, without letting go of O, whom he was
holding around the waist, "please don't go!"
O introduced them: Jacqueline,
René; René, Jacqueline.
Piqued, the red-haired
model had gone back into her dressing room, the electrician was pretending to
be busy. O was looking at Jacqueline and could feel René's eyes following her
gaze. Jacqueline was wearing a ski outfit, the kind that only movie stars who
never go skiing wear. Her black sweater accentuated her small, widely spaced
breasts, her tight-fitting ski pants did the same for her long,
winter-sports-girl legs. Everything about her looked like snow: the bluish sheen
of her gray sealskin jacket was snow in the shade; the hoar-frost reflection of
her hair and eyelashes, snow in sunlight. She had on lipstick whose deep red
shaded almost to purple, and when she smiled and lifted her eyes till they were
fixed on O, O said to herself that no would could resist the desire to drink of
that green and moving water beneath the silvery lashes, to rip off her sweater
to lay his hands on the fairly small breasts. There, you see: no sooner had
René returned than, completely reassured by his presence, she recovered her
taste for others and for herself, her zest for life.
They left together, all
thee of them. On the rue Royale the snow, which had been falling in large
flakes for two hours, fell now in eddies of thin little flakes for two hours,
fell now in eddies of thin little white flies which stung the face. The rock
salt scattered on the sidewalk crunched beneath their feet and melted the snow,
and O felt the icy breath it emitted rising along her legs and fastened on her
naked thighs.
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O had a fairly clear idea
of what she was looking for in the young women she pursued. It wasn't that she
wanted to give the impression she was vying with men, nor that she was trying
to compensate by her manifest masculinity for a female inferiority which she in
no wise felt. It's true that when she was twenty she had caught herself
courting the prettiest of her girl friends by doffing her beret, by standing
aside to let her pass, and by offering a hand to help her out of a taxi. In the
same vein, she would not tolerate not paying whenever they had tea together in
some pastry shop. She would kiss her hand and, if she had a chance, her mouth,
if possible in the street. But these were so many affectations she paraded for
the sake of scandal, displayed much more from childishness than from
conviction. On the other hand, her penchant for the sweetness of sweetly
made-up lips yielding beneath her own, for the porcelain or pearly sparkle of
eyes half-closed in the half-light of couches at five in the afternoon, when
the curtains are drawn and the lamp on the fireplace mantel lighted, for the
voices that say: "Again, oh, please, again...," for the marine odor clinging
to her fingers: this was a real, deeply-rooted taste. And she also enjoyed the
pursuit just as much. Probably not for the pursuit itself, however amusing or
fascinating it might be, but for the complete sense of freedom she experienced
in the act of hunting. She, and she alone, set the rules and directed the
proceedings (something she never did with men, or only in a most oblique
manner). She initiated the discussions and set the rendezvous, the kisses came
from her too, so much so that she preferred not to have someone kiss her first,
and since she had first had lovers she almost never allowed the girl whom she
was caressing to return her caresses. As much as she was in a hurry to behold
her girlfriend naked, she was equally quick to find excuses why she herself
should not undress. She often looked for excuses to avoid it, saying that she
was cold, that it was the wrong time of the month for her. And, what is more,
rare was the woman in whom she failed to detect some element of beauty. She
remembered that, just out of the lycée, she had tried to seduce an ugly,
disagreeable, constantly ill-natured little girl for the sole reason that she
had a wild mop of blonde hair which, by its unevenly cut curls, created a
forest of light and shade over a skin that, while lusterless, had a texture
which was soft, smooth, and totally flat. But the little girl had repelled her
advances, and if one day pleasure had ever lighted up the ungrateful wench's
face, it had not been because of O. For O passionately loved to see faces
enveloped in that mist which makes them so young and smooth, a timeless youth
that does not restore childhood but enlarges the lips, widens the eyes the way
make-up does, and renders the iris sparkling and clear. In this, admiration
played a larger part than pride, for it was not her handiwork which moved her:
at Roissy she had experienced the same uncomfortable feeling in the presence of
the transfigured face of a girl possessed by a stranger. The nakedness and
surrender of the bodies overwhelmed her, and she had the feeling that her
girlfriends, when they simply agreed to display themselves naked in a locked
room, were giving her a gift which she could never repay in kind. For the
nakedness of vacations, in the sun and on the beaches, made no impression on
her - not simply because it was public but because, being public and not
absolute, she was to some extent protected from it. The beauty of other women,
which with unfailing generosity she was inclined to find superior to her own,
nevertheless reassured her concerning her own beauty, in which she saw,
whenever she unexpectedly caught a glimpse of herself in a mirror, a kind of
reflection of theirs. The power she acknowledged that her girlfriends had over
her was at the same time a guarantee of her own power over men. And what she
asked of women (and never returned, or ever so little), she was happy and found
it quite natural that men should be eager and impatient to ask of her. Thus was
she constantly and simultaneously the accomplice of both men and women, having,
as it were, her cake and eating it too. There were times when the game was not
all that easy. That O was in love with Jacqueline, no more and no less than she
had been in love with many others, and assuming that the term "in love"
(which was saying a great deal) was the proper one, there could be no doubt.
But why did she conceal it so?
When the buds burst open on
the poplar tree along the quays, and daylight, lingering longer, gave lovers
time to sit for a while in the gardens after work, she thought she had at last
found the courage to face Jacqueline. In winter, Jacqueline had seemed too
triumphant to her beneath her cool furs, too iridescent, untouchable,
inaccessible. And Jacqueline knew it. Spring put her back into suits,
flat-heeled shoes, sweaters. With her short Dutch bob, she finally resembled
those fresh school girls whom O, as a lycée student herself, used to
grab by the wrists and drag silently into an empty cloakroom and push back
against the hanging coats. The coats would tumble from the hangars. Then O
would burst out laughing. They used to wear uniform blouses of raw cotton, with
their initials embroidered in red cotton on their breast pockets. Three years
later, three kilometers away, Jacqueline had worn the same blouses in another lycée.
It was by chance that O learned that one day when Jacqueline was modeling some
high-fashion dresses and said with a sigh that, really, if only they had had as
pretty dresses at school, they would have been much happier there. Or if they
had been allowed to wear the jumper they gave you, without anything on
underneath. "What do you mean, without anything on?" O said.
"Without a dress, naturally," Jacqueline replied. To which O began to
blush. She could not get used to being naked beneath her dress, and any
equivocal remark seemed to her to be an allusion to her condition. It did no
good to keep on repeating to herself that one is always naked beneath one's
clothes. No, she felt as naked as that woman from Verona who went out to offer
herself to the chief of the besieging army in order to free her city: naked
beneath a coat, which only needed to be opened a crack. It also seemed to her
that, like the Italian, her nakedness was meant to redeem something. But what?
Since Jacqueline was sure of herself, she had nothing to redeem; she had no
need to be reassured, all she needed was a mirror. O looked at her humbly,
thinking that the only flowers one could offer her were magnolias, because
their waxen whiteness is sometimes infused with a pink glow. As winter waned,
the pale tan that gilded Jacqueline's skin vanished with the memory of the
snow. Soon, only camellias would do. But O was afraid of making a fool of
herself with these melodramatic flowers. On day she brought a big bouquet of
blue hyacinths, whose odor is overwhelming, like that of tuberoses: oily,
cloying, clinging, exactly the odor camellias ought to have but don't.
Jacqueline buried her Mongolian nose in the warm, stiff-stemmed flowers, her
small nose and pink lips, for she had been wearing a pink lipstick for the past
two weeks, and not red any longer.
"Are they for
me?" she said, the way women do who are used to receiving gifts.
Then she thanked O and
asked her if René were coming for her. Yes, he was coming, O said. He's coming,
she repeated to herself, and it will be for him that Jacqueline will lift her
icy, liquid eyes for a second, those eyes which never look at anyone squarely,
as she stands there falsely motionless, falsely silent. No on would need to
tech her anything: neither to remain silent nor now to keep her hands
unclenched at her sides, nor indeed how to arch her head half back. O was dying
to seize a handful of that too blonde hair at the nape of the neck, and pull
her docile head all the way back, to run at least her finger over the line of
her eyebrows. But René would want to do it too. She was fully aware why she,
once so daring and bold, had become so shy, why she had wanted Jacqueline for
two months without betraying it by the least word or gesture, and giving herself
lame excuses to explain her timidity. It was not true that Jacqueline was
intangible. The obstacle was not in Jacqueline, it lay deep within O herself,
its roots deeper than anything she had ever before encountered. It was because
René was leaving her free, and because she loathed her freedom. Her freedom was
worse than any chains. Her freedom was separating her from René. She could have
taken Jacqueline by the shoulders any number of times and without saying a
word, pinned her against the wall with her two hands, the way a butterfly is
impaled; Jacqueline would not have moved, and probably not even done so much as
smile. But O was henceforth like those wild animals which have been taken
captive and either serve as decoys for the hunter or, leaping forward only at
the hunter's command, head off the game for him.
It was she who sometimes
leaned back against a wall, pale and trembling, stubbornly impaled by her
silence, bound there by her silence, so happy to remain silent. She was waiting
for more than permission, since she already had permission. She was waiting for
an order. It cam to her not from René, but from Sir Stephen.
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As the months went by since
the day René had given her to Sir Stephen, O was terrified to note the growing
importance Sir Stephen was assuming in her lover's eyes. Moreover, she realized
at the same time that, in this matter, she was perhaps mistaken, imagining a
progression in the fact or the feeling where actually the only progression had
been in the acknowledgment of this fact or the admission of this feeling. Be
that as it may, she had been quick to note that René chose to spend with her
those nights, and only those nights, following those she had spent with Sir
Stephen (Sir Stephen keeping her the whole night only when René was away from
Paris). She also noticed that when René remained for one of those evenings at
Sir Stephen's he would never touch O except to make her more readily available
or an easier offering to Sir Stephen, if she happened to be struggling. It was
extremely rare for him to stay, and he never did unless at Sir Stephen's
express request. Whenever he did, he remained fully dressed, as he had done the
first time, keeping quiet, lighting one cigarette after another, adding wood to
the fire, serving Sir Stephen something to drink - but not drinking himself. O
felt that he was watching her the way a lion trainer watches the animal he
trained, careful to see that it performs with complete obedience and thus does
honor to him, but even more the way a prince's bodyguard or a bandit's
second-in-command keeps an eye on the prostitute he has gone down to fetch in
the street. The proof that he was indeed yielding to the role of servant or
acolyte resided in the fact that he watched Sir Stephen's face more closely
than he did hers - and beneath his gaze O felt herself stripped of the very
voluptuousness in which her features were immersed: for this sensual pleasure
René paid obeisance, expressed admiration and even gratitude to Sir Stephen,
who had engendered it, pleased that he had deigned to take pleasure in
something he had given him.
Everything would probably
have been much simpler if Sir Stephen had liked boys, and O did not doubt that
René, who was not so inclined, still would have readily granted to Sir Stephen
both the slightest and the most demanding of his requests. But Sir Stephen only
liked women.
O realized that through the
medium of her body, shared between them, they attained something more
mysterious and perhaps more acute, more intense than an amorous communion, the
very conception of which was arduous but whose reality and force she could not
deny. Still, why was this division in a way abstract? At Roissy, O had at the
same time ad in the same place, belonged both to René and to other men. Why did
René, in Sir Stephen's presence, refrain not only from taking her, but from
giving her any order? (All he ever did was pass on Sir Stephen's.) She asked
him why, certain beforehand of the reply.
"Out of respect,"
René replied.
"But I belong to
you," O had said.
"You belong to Sir
Stephen first."
And it was true, at least
in the sense that when René had surrendered her to his friend the surrender had
been absolute, that Sir Stephen's slightest desired took precedence over René's
decisions as far as she was concerned, and even over her own. If René had
decided that they would dine together and go to the theater, and Sir Stephen
happened to phone an hour before he was to pick up O, René would come by for
her at the studio as agreed, but only to drive her to Sir Stephen's door and
leave her there. Once, and only once, O had asked René to please ask Sir
Stephen to change the day, because she so much wanted to go with René to a party
to which they were both invited. René had refused.
"My sweet angel,"
he had said, "you mean you still haven't understood that you no longer
belong to me, that I'm not longer the master who's in charge of you?"
Not only had he refused,
but he had told Sir Stephen of O's request and, in her presence, asked him to
punish her harshly enough so that she would never again dare even to conceive
of shirking her duties.
"Certainly," Sir
Stephen had replied.
The scene had taken place
in the little oval room with the inlaid floor, in which the only piece of
furniture was a table encrusted with mother-of-pearl, the room adjoining the
yellow and gray living room. René remained only long enough to betray O and
hear Sir Stephen's reply. Then he shook hands with him, smiled at O, and left.
Through the window, O saw him crossing the courtyard; he did not turn around;
she heard the car door slam shut, the roar of the motor, and in a little mirror
imbedded in the wall she caught a glimpse of her own image: she was white with
fear and despair. Then, mechanically, when she walked past Sir Stephen, who
opened the living-room door for her and stood back for her to pass, she looked
at him: he was as pale as she. In a flash, she was absolutely certain that he
loved her, but it was a fleeting certainty that vanished as fast as it had
come. Although she did not believe it and chided herself for having thought of
it, she was comforted by it and undressed meekly, on a mere signal from him.
Then, and for the first time since he had been making her come two or three
times a week, and using her slowly, sometimes making her wait for an hour naked
without coming near her, listening to her entreaties without ever replying, for
there were times when she did beg and beseech, enjoining her to do the same
things always at the same moments, as in a ritual, so that she knew when her
mouth was supposed to caress him and when, on her knees, her head buried in the
silken sofa, she should offer him only her back, which he now possessed without
hurting her, for the first time, for in spite of the fear which convulsed her -
or perhaps because of that fear - she opened to him, in spite of the chagrin
she felt at René's betrayal, but perhaps too because of it, she surrendered
herself completely. And for the first time, so gentle were her yielding eyes
when they fastened on Sir Stephen's pale, burning gaze, that he suddenly spoke
to her in French, employing the familiar tu form:
"I'm going to put a
gag in your mouth, O, because I'd like to whip you till I draw blood. Do I have
your permission?"
"I'm yours," O
said.
She was standing in the
middle of the drawing room, and her arms raised and held together by the Roissy
bracelets, which were attached by a chain to a ring in the ceiling from which a
chandelier had formerly hung, thrust her breasts forward. Sir Stephen caressed
them, then kissed them, then kissed her mouth once, ten times. (He had never
kissed her.) And when he had put on the gag, which filled her mouth with the
taste of wet canvas and pushed her tongue to the back of her throat, the gag so
arranged that she could scarcely clench it in her teeth, he took her by the
hair. Held in equilibrium by the chain, she stumbled on her bare feet.
"Excuse me, O,"
he murmured (he had never before begged her pardon), then he let her go, and
struck.
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When René returned to O's
apartment after midnight, after having gone alone to the party they had
intended to go to together, he found her in bed, trembling in the white nylon
of her long nightgown. Sir Stephen had brought her home and put her to bed
himself and kissed her again. She told René that. She also told him that she no
longer had any inclination not to obey Sir Stephen, realizing full well that
from this René would conclude that she deemed it essential, and even pleasant
to be beaten (which was true; but this was not the only reason). What she was
also certain of was that it was equally essential to René that she be beaten.
He was as horrified at the idea of striking her - so much so that he had never
been able to bring himself to do it - as he enjoyed seeing her struggle and
hearing her scream. Once, in his presence, Sir Stephen had used the riding crop
on her. René had forced O back against the table and held her there,
motionless. Her skirt had slipped down; he had lifted it up. Perhaps he needed
even more to know that while he was not with her, while he was away walking or
working, O was writing, moaning, and crying beneath the whip, was asking for
his pity and not obtaining it - and was aware that this pain and humiliation
had been inflicted on her by the will of the lover whom she loved, and for his
pleasure. At Roissy, he had had her flogged by the valets. In Sir Stephen he
had found the stern master he himself was unable to be. The fact that the man
he most admired in the world could take a fancy to her and take the trouble to
tame her, only made René's passion all the greater, as O could plainly see. All
the mouths that had probed her mouth, all the hands that had seized her breasts
and her belly, all the members that had been thrust into her and so perfectly
provided the living proof that she was indeed prostituted, had at the same time
provided the proof that she was worthy of being prostituted and had, so to
speak, sanctified her. But this, in René's eyes, was nothing compared to the
proof Sir Stephen provided. Each time she emerged from his arms, René looked
for the mark of a god upon her. O knew full well that if he had betrayed her a
few hours before, it was in order to provoke new, and crueler, marks. And she
also knew that, though the reasons for provoking them might disappear, Sir
Stephen would not turn back. So much the worse. (But to herself she was
thinking the exact opposite.) René impressed and overwhelmed, gazed for a long
time at the thin body marked by thick, purple welts like so many ropes spanning
the shoulders, the back, the buttocks, the belly, and the breasts, welt which
sometimes overlapped and crisscrossed. Here and there a little blood still
oozed.
"Oh, how I love
you," he murmured.
With trembling hands he
took off his clothes, turned out the light, and lay down next to O. She moaned
in the darkness, all the time he possessed her.
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The welts on O's body took
almost a month to disappear. In places where the skin had been broken, she
still bore the traces of slightly whiter lines, like very old scars. If ever
she were inclined to forget where they came from, the attitude of René and Sir
Stephen were there to remind her.
René, of course, had a key
to O's apartment. He hadn't thought to give one to Sir Stephen, probably
because, till now, Sir Stephen had not evinced the desire to visit O's place.
But the fact that he had brought her home that night suddenly made René realize
that this door, which only he and O could open, might be considered by Sir
Stephen as an obstacle, a barrier, or as a restriction deliberately imposed by
René, and that it was ridiculous to give him O if he did not at the same time
give him the freedom to come and go at O's whenever he pleased. In short, he
had a key made, gave it to Sir Stephen, and told O only after Sir Stephen had
accepted it. She did not dream of protesting, and she soon discovered that,
while she was waiting for Sir Stephen to appear, she felt incomprehensibly
peaceful. She waited for a long time, wondering whether he would surprise her
by coming in the middle of the night, whether he would take advantage of one of
René's absences, whether he would come alone, or indeed whether he would even
come at all. She did not dare speak about it to René.
On morning when the
cleaning woman had happened not to be there and O had gotten up earlier than
usual and, at ten o'clock, was already dressed and ready to go out, she heard a
key turning in the lock and flew to the door shouting: "René" (for
there were times when René did arrive in this way and at this hour, and she had
not dreamed it could be anyone but he). It was Sir Stephen, who smiled and said
to her:
"All right, why don't
we call up René."
But René, tied up at his
office by a business appointment, would be there only in an hour's time.
O, her heart pounding
wildly (and she wondering why), watched Sir Stephen hang up. He sat her down on
the bed, took her head in both his hands, and forced her mouth open slightly in
order to kiss her. She was so out of breath that she might have slipped and
fallen if he had not held her. But he did hold her, and straightened her up.
She could not understand
why her throat was knotted by such a feeling of anxiety and anguish, for, after
all, what did she have to fear from Sir Stephen that she had not already
experienced.
He bade her remove all her
clothes, and watched her, without saying a word, as she obeyed. Wasn't she, in
fact, quite accustomed to his silence, as she was accustomed to waiting for him
to decide what his pleasure would be? She had to admit she had been deceiving
herself, and that if she was taken aback by the time and the place, by the fact
that she had never been naked in this room for anyone except René, the basic
reason for her being upset was actually still the same: her own
self-consciousness. The only difference was that this self-consciousness was
made all the more apparent to her because it was not taking place in some
specific spot to which she had to repair in order to submit to it, and not at
night, thereby partaking of a dream or of some clandestine existence in
relation to the length of the day, as Roissy had been in relation to the length
of her life with René. The bright light of a May day turned the clandestine
into something public: henceforth the reality of the night and the reality of day
would be one and the same. Henceforth - and O was thinking: at last. This is
doubtless the source of that strange sentiment of security, mingled with
terror, to which she felt she was surrendering herself and of which, without
understand it, she had had a premonition. Henceforth there were no more
hiatuses, no dead time, no remission. He whom one awaits is, because he is
expected, already present, already present, already master. Sir Stephen was a
far more demanding but also a far surer master than René. And however
passionately O loved René, and he her, there was between them a kind of
equality (were it only the equality of age) which eliminated in her any feeling
of obedience, the awareness of her submission. Whatever he wanted of her she
wanted too, solely because he was asking it of her. But it was as though he had
instilled in her, insofar as Sir Stephen was concerned, his own admiration, his
own respect. She obeyed Sir Stephen's orders as orders about which there was no
question, and was grateful to him for having give them to her. Whether he
addressed her in French or English, employed the familiar tu or the less
personal vous form with her, she, like a stranger or a servant, never
addressed him as anything but Sir Stephen. She told herself that the term
"Lord" would have been more appropriate, if she had dared utter it,
as he, in referring to her, would have been better advised to employ the word
"slave." She also told herself that all was well, since René was
happy loving in her Sir Stephen's slave.
And so, her clothes neatly
arranged at the foot of the bed, having again put on her high-heeled mules, she
waited, with lowered yes, facing Sir Stephen, who was leaning against the
window. Bright sunlight was streaming through the dotted muslin curtains and
gently warmed her hips and thighs. She was not looking for any special effect,
but it immediately occurred to her that she should have put on more perfume,
she realized that she had not made up the tips of her breasts, and that,
luckily, she had on her mules, for the nail polish on her toenails was
beginning to peel off. Then she suddenly knew that what she was in fact waiting
for in this silence, and this light, was for Sir Stephen to make some signal to
her, or for him to order her to kneel down before him, unbutton him, and caress
him. But no. Because she alone had been the one to whom such a thought had
occurred, she turned scarlet, and as she was blushing she was thinking what a
fool she was to blush: such modesty and shame in a whore!
Just then, Sir Stephen
asked O to sit down before her dressing table and hear what he had to say. The
dressing table was not, properly speaking, a dressing table, but next to a low
ledge set into the wall, on which were arranged brushes and bottles, a large
Restoration swing-mirror in which O, seated in her low-slung chair, could see
herself full length.
Sir Stephen paced back and
forth behind her as he talked; from time to time his reflection crossed the
mirror, behind the image of O, but his was a reflection which seemed far away,
because the silvering of the mirror was discolored and slightly murky.
O, her hands unclasped and
her knees apart, had an urge to seize the reflection and stop it, in order to
reply more easily. For Sir Stephen, speaking in a clipped English, was asking
question after question, the last questions O would ever have dreamed he would
ask, even assuming he would ask any in the first place. Hardly had he begin,
however, when he broke off to settle O deeper and farther back in the chair;
with hr left leg over the arm of the chair and the other curled up slightly, O,
in that bath of bright light, was then presented, to her own eyes and to Sir
Stephen's as perfectly open as though an invisible lover had withdrawn from her
and left her slightly ajar.
Sir Stephen resumed his
questioning, with a judge-like resolution and the skill of a father confessor.
O did not see him speaking, and saw herself replying. Whether she had, since
she had returned from Roissy, belonged to other men besides René and himself?
No. Whether she had wanted to belong to any other she might have met? No.
Whether she caressed herself at night, when she was alone? No. Whether she had
any girl friends she caressed or who she allowed to caress her? No (the
"no" was more hesitant). Any girlfriends she did desire? Well, there
was Jacqueline, but "friend" was stretching the term. Acquaintance
would be closer, or even chum, the way well-bred schoolgirls refer to each
other in high-class boarding schools.
Whereupon Sir Stephen asked
her whether she had any photographs of Jacqueline, and he helped her to her
feet so she could go and get them. It was in the living room that René,
entering out of breath, for he had dashed up the four flights of stairs, came
upon them: O was standing in front of the big table on which there shone, black
and white, like puddles of water in the night, all of the pictures of
Jacqueline. Sir Stephen, half-seated on the table, was taking them one by one
as O handed them to him, and putting them back on the table; his other hand was
holding O's womb. From that moment on, Sir Stephen, who had greeted René
without letting go of her - in fact she felt his hand probe deeper into her -
had ceased addressing her, and addressed himself to René. She thought she knew
why: with René there, the accord between Sir Stephen and René concerning her
was established, but apart from her, she was only the occasion for it or the
object of it, they no longer had to question her, nor she to reply; what she
had to do, and even what she had to be, was decided without her.
It was almost noon. The
sun, falling directly on the table, curled the edges of the photographs. O
wanted to move them and flatten them out to keep them from being ruined, but
her fingers fumbled, she was on the verge of yielding to the burning probe of
Sir Stephen's hand and allowing a moan to escape from her lips. She failed to
hold it back, did in fact moan, and found herself sprawled flat on her back
among the photographs, where Sir Stephen had rudely shoved her as he left her,
with her legs spread and dangling. Her feet were not touching the floor; one of
her mules slipped from her foot and dropped noiselessly onto the white rung.
Her face was flooded with sunshine: she closed her eyes.
Later, much later, she must
have remembered overhearing the conversation between Sir Stephen and René, but
at the time she was not struck by it, as though it did not concern her and,
simultaneously, as though she had already experienced it before. And it was
true that she had already experienced a similar scene, since the first time
that René had taken her to Sir Stephen's, they had discussed her in the same
way. But on that initial occasion she had been a stranger to Sir Stephen, and
René had done most of the talking. Since then, Sir Stephen had made her submit
to all his fantasies, had molded her to his own taste, had demanded and
obtained from her, as something quite routine, the most outrageous and
scurrilous acts. She had nothing more to give than hat he already possessed. At
least so she thought.
He was speaking, he who
generally was silent in her presence, and his remarks, as well as René's
revealed that they were renewing a conversation they often engaged in together,
with her as the subject. It was a question of how she could best be utilized,
and how the things each of them had learned from his particular use of her
could best be shared. Sir Stephen readily admitted that O was infinitely more
moving when her body was covered with marks, of whatever kind, if only because
these marks made it impossible for her to cheat and immediately proclaimed, the
moment they were seen, that anything went as far as she was concerned. For to
know this was one thing, but to see the proof of it, and to see the proof
constantly renewed, was quite another. René, Sir Stephen said, was perfectly
right in wishing to have her whipped. They decided that she would be,
irrespective of the pleasure they might derive from her screams and tears, as
often as necessary so that some trace of the flogging could always be seen upon
her.
O, still lying motionless
on her back, her loins still aflame, was listening, and she had the feeling
that by some strange substitution Sir Stephen was speaking for her, in her
place. As though he was somehow in her body and could feel the anxiety, the
anguish, and the shame, but also the secret pride and harrowing pleasure that
she was feeling, especially when she was alone in a crowd of strangers, of
passers-by in the street, or when she got into a bus, or when she was at the
studio with the models and technicians, and she told herself that any and all
of these people she was with, if they should have an accident and have to be
laid down on the ground or if a doctor had to be called, would keep their
secrets, even if they were unconscious and naked; but not she: her secret did
not depend upon her silence alone, did not depend on her alone. Even if she
wanted to, she could not indulge in the slightest caprice - and that was indeed
the meaning of one of Sir Stephen's questions - without immediately revealing
herself, she could not allow herself to partake of the most innocent acts, such
as playing tennis or swimming. That these things were forbidden her was a
comfort to her, a material comfort, as the bars of the convent materially
prevent the cloistered girls from belonging to one another, and from escaping.
For this reason too, how could she run the risk that Jacqueline would not spurn
her, without at the same time running the risk of having to explain the truth
to Jacqueline, or at least part of the truth?
The sun had moved and left
her face. Her shoulders were sticking to the glossy surface of the photographs
on which she was lying, and against her knee she could feel the rough edge of
Sir Stephen's suitcoat, for he had come back beside her. He and René each took
her by one hand and helped her to her feet. René picked up one of her mules. It
was time for her to get dressed.
It was during the lunch
that followed, at Saint-Cloud on the banks of the Seine, that Sir Stephen, who
had remained alone with her, began to question her once again. The restaurant
tables, covered with white tablecloths, were arranged on a shaded terrace which
was bordered by privet hedges, at the foot of which was a bed of dark red,
scarcely opened peonies.
Even before Sir Stephen
could make a sign to her, O had obediently lifted her skirts as she sat down on
the iron chair, and it had taken her bare thighs a long time to warm the cold
iron. They heard the water slapping against the boats tied up to the wooden
jetty at the end of the terrace. Sir Stephen was seated across from her, and O
was speaking slowly, determined not to say anything that was not true. What Sir
Stephen wanted to know was why she liked Jacqueline. Oh! That was easy: it was
because she was too beautiful for O, like the full-sized dolls given to the
poor children for Christmas, which they're afraid to touch. And yet she knew
that if she had not spoken to her, and had not accosted her, it was because she
really didn't want to. As she said this she raised her eyes, which had been
lowered, fixed on the bed of peonies, and she realized that Sir Stephen was
staring at her lips. Was he listening to what she was saying, or was he merely
listening to the sound of her voice or watching the movement of her lips? Suddenly
she stopped speaking, and Sir Stephen's gaze rose and intercepted her own. What
she read in it was so clear this time, and it was so obvious to him that she
had seen it, that now it was his turn to blanch. If indeed he did love her,
would he ever forgive her for having noticed it? She could neither avert her
gaze nor smile, nor speak. Had her life depended on it, she would have been
incapable of making a gesture, incapable of fleeing, her legs would never have
carried her. He would probably never want anything from her save her submission
to his desire, as long as he continued to desire her. But was desire sufficient
to explain the fact that, from the day René had handed her over to him, he
asked for her and kept her more and more frequently, sometimes merely to have
her with him, without asking anything from her?
There he sat across from
her, silent and motionless. Some businessmen, at a neighboring table, were
talking as they drank a coffee so black and aromatic that the aroma was wafted
all the way to their own table. Two well-groomed, contemptuous Americans
lighted cigarettes halfway through their meal; the gravel crunched beneath the
waters' feet - one of them came over to refill Sir Stephen's glass, which was
three-quarters empty, but what was the point of wasting good wine on a statue,
a sleepwalker? The waiter did not belabor the point.
O was delighted to feel
that if his gray, ardent gaze wandered from her eyes, it was to fasten on her
breasts, her hands, before returning to her eyes. Finally she saw the trace of
a smile appear on his lips, a smile she dared to answer. But utter a single
word, impossible! She could barely breathe.
"O..." Sir
Stephen said.
"Yes," O said,
faintly.
"O, what I'm going to
speak to you about i have already discussed with René, and we're both in accord
on it. But also, I..." He broke off.
O never knew whether it was
because, seized by a sudden chill, she had closed her eyes, or whether he too
had difficulty catching his breath. He paused, the water was changing plates,
bringing O the menu so she could choose the dessert. O handed it to Sir
Stephen. A soufflé? Yes, a
soufflé. It will take
twenty minutes. All right, twenty minutes. The waiter left.
"I need more than
twenty minutes," Sir Stephen said.
And he went on in a steady
voice, and what he said quickly convinced O that one thing at least was
certain, and that was, if he did love her, nothing would be changed, unless one
considered this curious respect a change, this ardor with which he was saying
to her: "I'd be most pleased if you would care to..." instead of
simply asking her to accede to his requests. Yet they were still orders, and
there was no question of O's not obeying them. She pointed this out to Sir
Stephen. He admitted as much.
"I still want your answer,"
he said.
"I'll do whatever you
like," O responded, and the echo of what she was saying resounded in her
memory: "I'll do whatever you like," she was used to saying to René.
Almost in a whisper, she murmured: "René..."
Sir Stephen heard it.
"René knows what I
want from you. Listen to me."
He was speaking English,
but in a low, carefully controlled voice which was inaudible at the neighboring
tables. Whenever the waiters approached their table, he fell silent, resuming
his sentence where he had left off as soon as they had moved away. What he was
saying seemed strange and out of keeping with this peaceful, public place, and
yet what was strangest of all was that he could say it, and O hear it, so
naturally.
He began by reminding her
that the first evening when she had come to his apartment he had given her an
order she had refused to obey, and he noted that although he might have slapped
her then, he had never repeated the order since that night. Would she grant him
now what she had refused him then? O understood that not only must she
acquiesce, but that he wanted to hear her say it herself, in her own words, say
that she would caress herself any time he asked her to. She said it, and again
she saw the yellow and gray drawing room, René's departure from it, her
revulsion that first evening, the fire glowing between her open knees when she
was lying naked on the rug. Tonight, in this same drawing room... No, Sir
Stephen had not specified, and was going on.
He also pointed out to her
that she had never been possessed in his presence by René (or by anyone else),
as she had been by him in René's presence (and at Roissy by a whole host of
others). From this she should not conclude that René would be the only one to
humiliate her by handing her over to a man who did not lover her - and perhaps
derive pleasure from it - in the presence of a man who did. (He went on at such
length, and with such cruelty - she soon would open her thighs and back, and
her mouth, to those of his friends who, once they had met her, might desire her
- that O suspected that this coarseness was aimed as much at himself as it was
at her, and the only thing she remembered was the end of the sentence: in the
presence of a man who did love her. What more did she want in the way of a confession?)
What was more, he would bring her back to Roissy sometime in the course of the
summer. Hadn't it ever struck her as surprising, this isolation in which first
then, then he had kept her? They were the only men she saw, either together, or
one after the other. Whenever Sir Stephen had invited people to his apartment
on the rue de Poitiers, O was never invited. She had never lunched or dined at
his place. Nor had René ever introduced her to any of his friends, except for
Sir Stephen. In all probability he would continue to keep her in the
background, for to Sir Stephen was henceforth reserved the privilege of doing
as he liked with her. But she should not get the idea that she belonged to him
that she would be detained more legally; on the contrary. (But what hurt and
wounded O most was the realization that Sir Stephen was going to treat her in
exactly the same way René had, in the same, identical way.) The iron and gold
ring that she was wearing on her left hand - and did she recall that the ring
had been chosen so tight-fitting that they had had to force it on her ring
finger? She could not take it off - that ring was the sign that she was a
slave, but one who was common property. It had been merely by chance that,
since this past autumn, she had not met any Roissy members who might have
noticed her irons, or revealed that they had noticed them.
The word irons, used in the
plural, which she had taken to be an equivocal term when Sir Stephen had told
her that irons were becoming to her, had in no wise been equivocal; it had been
a mode of recognition, a password. Sir Stephen had not had to use the second
formula: namely, whose irons was she wearing? But if today this question were
asked of O, what would she reply? O hesitated?
"René's and
yours," she said.
"No," Sir Stephen
said, "mine. René wants you to be answerable first of all to me."
O was fully cognizant of
this, why did she pretend she was not? In a short while, and in any case prior
to her return to Roissy, she would have to accept a definitive mar, which would
not absolve her from the obligation of being a common-property slave, Sir
Stephen's and the traces of the floggings on her body, or the marks raised by
the riding crop, if indeed they were inflicted again, would be discreet and
futile compared to this ultimate mark. (But what would the mark be, of what
would it consist, in what way would it be definitive? O, terrified and
fascinated, was dying to know, she had to know immediately. But it was obvious
that Sir Stephen was not yet ready to explain it. And it was true that she had
to accept, to consent in the real sense of the term, for nothing would be
inflicted upon her by force to which she had not already previously consented;
she could refuse, nothing was keeping her enslaved except her love and her
self-enslavement. What prevented her from leaving?) And yet, before this mark
was imposed upon her, even before Sir Stephen became accustomed to flogging
her, as had been decided by René and himself, to flogging her in such a way
that the traces were constantly visible, she would be granted a reprieve - the
time required for her to make Jacqueline submit to her. Stunned, O raised her
head and looked at Sir Stephen. Why? Why Jacqueline? And if Jacqueline
interested Sir Stephen, why was it in relation to O?
"There are two
reasons," Sir Stephen said. "The first, and least important, is that
I would like to see you kiss and caress a woman."
"But even assuming she
gives in to me," cried O, "how in the world do you expect me to make
her consent to your being present?"
"That's the least of
my worries," Sir Stephen said. "If necessary, by betrayal, and
anyway, I'm counting on you for a great deal more than that, for the second
reason why I want you to seduce her is that you're to be the bait that lures
her to Roissy."
O set down the cup of
coffee she was holding in her hand, shaking so violently that she spilled the
viscous dregs of coffee and sugar at the bottom of the cup. Like a soothsayer,
she saw unbearable images in the spreading brown stain on the tablecloth:
Jacqueline's glazed eyes confronting the valet Pierre; her flanks, doubtless as
golden as her breasts, though O had never seen them, exposed to view below the
folds of her long red velvet dress with its tucked-up skirt; her downy cheeks
stained with tears and her painted mouth open and screaming, and her straight
hair, in a Dutch bob along her forehead, straight as new-mown hay - no, it was
impossible, not her, not Jacqueline.
"No, it's out of the
question," she said.
"Of course it's
not," Sir Stephen retorted. "How do you think girls are recruited for
Roissy? Once you have brought her there, the matter will be completely out of
your hands, and anyway, if she wants to leave, she can leave. Come along
now."
He had gotten suddenly to
his feet, leaving the money for the bill on the table. O followed him to the
car, climbed in, and sat down. Scarcely had they entered the Bois de Boulogne
when he turned in to a side road, stopped the car in a narrow lane, and took
her in his arms.
The Story
of O
By
Pauline Réage
III
Anne-Marie and the Rings
O had
believed, or wanted to believe, in order to give herself a good excuse, that
Jacqueline would be uncommonly shy. She was enlightened on this score the
moment she decided to open her eyes.
The modest air Jacqueline
assumed - closing the door to the mirrored make-up room where she dressed and
undressed - was in fact clearly intended to inflame O, to instill in her the
desire to force the door which, had it been left wide open, she would never
have made up her mind to enter. That O's decision finally came from an
authority outside herself, and was not the result of that basic strategy, could
not have been further from Jacqueline's mind. At first O was amused by it. As
she helped Jacqueline arrange her hair, for example, after Jacqueline had taken
off the clothes she had posed in and was slipping into her turtle-neck sweater
and the turquoise necklace the same color as her eyes, O found herself
amazingly delighted at the ideà that the very same evening Sir Stephen would be
apprised of Jacqueline's every gesture - whether she had allowed O to fondle,
through the black sweater, her small, well-spaced breasts, whether she had
lowered her eyelids till those lashes, fairer than her skin, were touching her
cheeks; whether she had sighed or moaned. When O embraced her, she became
heavy, motionless and seemly expectant in her arms, her lips parted slightly
and her hair cascaded back. O always had to be careful to hold her by both her
shoulders and lean her up against the frame of a door or against a table.
Otherwise she would have slipped to the floor, her eyes closed, without a
sound. The minute O let go of her, she would again turn into ice and snow,
laughing and distant, and would say: "You've got lipstick on me," and
would wipe her mouth. It was this distant stranger that O enjoyed betraying by
carefully noting - so as not to forget anything and be able to relate
everything in detail - the slow flush of her cheeks, the smell of sage and
sweat. Of Jacqueline it was impossible to say that she was forbearing or that
she was on her guard. When she yielded to the kisses - and all she had so far
granted O were kisses, which she accepted without returning - she yielded
abruptly and, it seemed, totally, as though for ten seconds, or five minutes,
she had become someone else. The rest of the time she was both coquettish and
coy, incredibly clever at parrying an attack, contriving never to lay herself
open either to a word or gesture, or even a look which would allow the victor
to coincide with the vanquished or give O to believe that it was all that
simple to take possession of her mouth. The only indication one had as a guide,
the only thing that gave one to suspect troubled waters beneath the calm
surface of her look was an occasional, apparently involuntary trace of a smile
on her triangular face, similar to the smile of a cat, as fleeting and
disturbing, and as uncertain, as a cat's. Yet it did not take O long to realize
that this smile could be provoked by two things, and Jacqueline was totally
unaware of either. The first was the gifts that were given to her, the second,
any clear evidence of the desire she aroused - providing, however, that the
person who desired her was someone who might be useful to her or who flattered
her vanity. In what way was O useful to her? Or was it simply that O was an
exception and that Jacqueline enjoyed being desired by O both because she took
solace in O's manifest admiration and also because a woman's desire is harmless
and of no consequence? Still in all, O was convinced that if, instead of
bringing Jacqueline a mother-of-pearl brooch or the latest creation of Hermes'
scarves on which I Love You was printed in every language under the sun,
she were to offer Jacqueline the hundred or two hundred francs she seemed
constantly to need, Jacqueline would have changed her tune about never having
the time to have lunch or tea at O's place, or would have stopped evading her
caresses. But of this O never had any proof. She had only barely mentioned it
to Sir Stephen, who was chiding her for her slowness, when René stepped in. The
five or six times that René had come by for O, when Jacqueline had happened to
be there, the three of them had gone together to the Weber bar or to one of the
English bars in the vicinity of the Madeleine; on these occasions René would
contemplate Jacqueline with precisely the same mixture of interest,
self-assurance, and arrogance with which he would gaze, at Roissy, at the girls
who were completely at his disposal. The arrogance slid harmlessly off
Jacqueline's solid, gleaming armor, and Jacqueline was not even aware of it. By
a curious contradiction, O was disturbed by it, judging an attitude which she
considered quite natural and normal for herself, insulting for Jacqueline. Was
she taking up cudgels in defense of Jacqueline, or was it merely that she
wanted her all to herself? She would have been hard put to answer that
question, all the more so because she did not have her all to herself - at
least not yet. But if she finally did succeed, she had to admit it was thanks
to René. On three occasions, upon leaving the bar where they had given
Jacqueline considerably more whisky than she should have drunk - her cheeks
were flushed and shining, her eyes hard - he had driven her home before taking
O to Sir Stephen's.
Jacqueline lived in one of
those lugubrious Passy lodging houses into which hordes of White Russians had
piled immediately following the Revolution, and from which they had never
moved. The entrance hall was painted in imitation oak, and on the stairway the
spaces between the banisters were covered with dust, and the green carpeting
had been worn down till it was threadbare in many places. Each time René wanted
to come in - and to date he had never got beyond the front door - Jacqueline
would jump out of the car, cry "not tonight" or "thanks so
much," and slam the car door behind her as though she had suddenly been
burned by some tongue of flame. And it was true, O would say to herself, that
she was being pursued by fire. It was admirable that Jacqueline had sensed it,
even though she had no concrete evidence of it as yet. At least she realized
that she had to be on her guard with René, whose detachment did not seem to
affect her in the slightest. (Or did it? And as far as seeming unaffected, two
could play at that game, and René was a worthy opponent for her).
The only time that
Jacqueline let O come into the house and follow her up to her room, O had
understood why she had so adamantly refused René permission to set foot in the
house. What would have happened to her prestige, her black-and-white legend on
the slick pages of the posh fashion magazines, if someone other than a woman
like herself had seen the sordid lair from which the glorious creature issued
forth every day? The bed was never made, at most the bedclothes were more or
less pulled up, and the sheet which was visible was dirty and greasy, for
Jacqueline never went to bed without massaging her face with cold cream, and
she fell asleep too quickly to think of wiping it off. Sometime in the past a
curtain had apparently partitioned off the toilet from the room: all that
remained on the triangular shaped curtain rod were two rings and a few shreds
of cloth. The color was faded from everything: from the rug, from the wallpaper
whose pink and gray flowers were crawling upward like vegetation gone wild and
become petrified on the imitation white trellis. One would have had to throw
everything out and start again from scratch: scrape off the wallpaper, throw
out the rug, sand the floors. But without waiting for that, one could in any
case have cleaned off the dirt that, like so many strata, ringed the enamel of
the basin, immediately wiped off and put into some kind of order the bottles of
make-up remover and the jars of cream, cleaned up the powder box, wiped off the
dressing table, thrown out the dirty cotton, opened the windows. But, straight
and cool and clean and smelling of eau de Cologne and wild flowers, dirt-proof
and impeccable, Jacqueline could not have cared less about her filthy room.
What she did care about, however, what caused her no end of concern, was her
family.
It was because of her
hovel, which O was frank enough to have mentioned to René, that René made a
proposal which was to alter their lives, but it was because of her family that
Jacqueline accepted. René's suggestion was that Jacqueline should come and live
with O. "Family" was a gross misunderstatement: it was a clan, or
rather a horde. Grandmother, mother, aunt, and even a maid - four women ranging
in age from fifty to seventy, strident, heavily made up, smothered beneath onyx
and their black silks, sobbing and wailing at four in the morning in the faint
red light of the icons, with the cigarette smoke swirling thickly about them,
four women drowning in the clicking of the tea glasses and the harsh hissing of
a language Jacqueline would gladly have given half her life to forget - she was
going out of her mind having to submit to their orders, to listen to them,
merely having to see them. Whenever she saw her mother lifting a piece of sugar
to her mouth before drinking her tea, Jacqueline would set down her own glass
and retreat to her dry and dusty pigsty, leaving all three of them behind, her
grandmother, her mother, and her mother's sister, with their hair dyed black,
their closely knit eyebrows, and their wide, doelike, disapproving eyes - there
in her mother's room which doubled as a living room, there where, besides, the
fourth female, the maid, ended by resembling them. She fled, banging the doors
behind her, and they called after her: "Choura, Choura, little dove,"
just as in the novels of Tolstoy, for her name was not Jacqueline. Jacqueline
was her professional name, a name chosen to forget her real name, and with it
this sordid but tender gynaeceum, and to set herself up in the French sun, in a
solid world where there are men who do marry you and not disappear, as had the
father she had never known, into the vast arctic wastes from which he had never
returned. She took after him completely, she used to tell herself with a
mixture of anger and delight, she had his hair and high cheekbones, his
complexion and his slanting eyes. All she was grateful for to her mother was
having given her this blond devil as a father, this demon whom the snows had
reclaimed as the earth reclaims other men. What she resented was that her
mother had forgotten him quickly enough to have given birth one fine day to a
dark-complexioned little girl the issue of a short-lived liaison, her
half-sister by an unknown father, whose name was Natalie. Now fifteen, Natalie
only saw them during vacation. Her father, never. But he provided for Natalie's
room and board in a lycée not far from Paris, and gave her mother a
monthly stipend on which the three women and the maid - and even Jacqueline
till now - had subsisted, albeit poorly, in an idleness which to them was
paradise. Whatever remained from Jacqueline's earnings as a model, after she
had bought her cosmetics and lingerie, and her shoes and dresses - all of which
came from the top fashion houses and were, even after the discount she received
as a model, frightfully expensive - was swallowed by the gaping maw of the
family purse and disappeared, God only knows where.
Obviously, Jacqueline could
have chosen to have a lover to support her, and she had not lacked the
opportunity. She had in fact had a lover or two, less because she liked them -
not that she actually disliked them - than because she wanted to prove to
herself that she was capable of provoking desire and inflaming a man to the
point of love. The only one of the two - the second - who had been wealthy and
made her a present of a very lovely pearl with a slight pink tint which she
wore on her left hand, but she had refused to live with him, and since he had
refused to marry her, she had left him, with no great regrets, merely relieved
that she was not pregnant (she had thought she was, for several days had lived
in a state of dread at the idea). No, to live with a lover was lose face, to
forsake one's chances for the future, it was to do what her mother had done
with Natalie's father, and that was out of the question.
With O, however, it was
quite another matter. A polite fiction made it possible to pretend that
Jacqueline was simply moving in with a girl friend, with whom she was going to
share all costs. O would be serving a dual purpose, both playing the role of
the lover who supports, or helps to support, the girl he loves, and also the
theoretically opposite role of providing a moral guarantee. René's presence was
not official enough, really, to compromise the fiction. But who can say
whether, behind Jacqueline's decision, that very presence might not have been
the real motivation for her acceptance? The fact remained that it was left up
to O, and to O alone, to present the matter to Jacqueline's mother. Never had O
been more keenly aware of playing the role of traitor, of spy, never had she
felt so keenly she was the envoy of some criminal organization as when she
found herself in the presence of that woman, who thanked her for befriending
her daughter. And at the same time, deep in her heart O was repudiating her
mission and the reasons which had brought her there. Yes, Jacqueline would move
in with her, but never, never would O acquiesce so completely to Sir Stephen as
to deliver her into his hands. And yet! ... For no sooner had she moved into
O's apartment, where she was assigned, at René's request, the bedroom he
sometimes pretended to occupy (pretended, given that he always slept in O's big
bed), than O, contrary to all expectations, was amazed to find herself obsessed
with the burning desire to have Jacqueline at any price, even if attaining her
goal meant handing her over to Sir Stephen. After all, she rationalized to
herself, Jacqueline's beauty is quite sufficient protection for her, and
besides, why should I get involved in it anyway? And what if she were to be
reduced to what I have been reduced to, is that really so terrible? - scarcely
admitting, and yet so overwhelmed to imagine, how sweet it would be to see
Jacqueline naked and defenseless beside her, and like her.
The week Jacqueline moved
in, her mother having given her full consent, René proved to be exceedingly
zealous, inviting them every other day to dinner and taking them to the movies
which, curiously enough, he chose from among the detective pictures playing,
tales of drug traffic and white slavery. He would sit down between them, gently
hold hands with them both and not utter a word. But whenever there was a scene
of violence, O would see him studying Jacqueline's face for the slightest trace
of emotion. All you could see on it was a hint of disgust, revealed by the
slight downward pout at the corners of her mouth.
Afterward he would drive
them home in his convertible, with the top down, and in the open car with the
windows rolled down, the speed and the night wind flattened Jacqueline's
generous head of blond hair against her cheeks and narrow forehead, and even
blew it into her eyes. She would toss her head to smooth her hair back into place
and would run her hand through it the way boys do.
Once she had accepted the
fact that she was living with O and that O was René's mistress, she
consequently seemed to find René's little familiarities quite natural. It did
not bother her in the least to have René come into her room under the pretense
of looking for some piece of paper he had left there, and O knew that it was a
pretense, for she had personally emptied the drawers of the big Dutch writing
desk, with its elaborate pattern of inlay and its leather-lined leaf, which was
always open, a desk so utterly unlike René. Why did he have it? Who had he
gotten it from? Its weighty elegance, its light-colored woods were the only
touch of wealth in the somewhat dark room which faced north and overlooked the
courtyard and the steel gray of its walls and the cold, highly waxed surface of
the floor provided a sharp contract with the cheerful rooms which faced the
river. Well, there could be a virtue in that: Jacqueline would not be happy
there. It would make it all the easier for her to agree to share the two front
rooms with O, to sleep with O, as on the first day she had agreed to share the
bathroom and kitchen, the cosmetics, the perfumes, the meals. In this, O was
mistaken. Jacqueline was profoundly and passionately attached to anything that
belonged to her - to her pink pearl, for instance - and completely indifferent
to anything that was not hers. Had she lived in a palace, it would have
interested her only if someone had told her: the palace is yours, and then
proved it by giving her a notarized deed. She could not have cared less whether
the gray room was pleasant or not, and it was not to get away from it that she
climbed into O's bed. Nor was it to show her gratitude to O, for she in fact
did not feel it, though O ascribed the feeling to her and was delighted to
abuse it, or think she was abusing it. Jacqueline enjoyed pleasure, and found
it both expedient and pleasant to receive it from a woman, in whose hands she
was running no risk whatever.
Five days after she had
unpacked her suitcases, whose contents O had helped her sort out and put away,
when for the third time René had brought them home about ten o'clock after
having dined with them, and had then left (as he had both other times), she
simply appeared, naked and still wet from her bath, in O's doorway and said to
O:
"You're sure he's not
coming back?" and without even waiting for her answer, she slipped into
the big bed. She allowed herself to be kissed and caressed, her eyes closed,
not responding by a single caress; at first she moaned faintly, hardly more
than a whimper, then louder, still louder, until finally she cried out. She
fell asleep sprawled across the bed, her knees apart but her legs flat again on
the bed, the upper part of her body slightly turned on one side, her hands
open, her body bathed in the bright light of the pink lamp. Between her breasts
a trace of sweat glistened. O covered her and turned out the light. When, two
hours later, she took her again, in the dark, Jacqueline did not resist but
murmured:
"Don't wear me out
completely, I have to get up early tomorrow."
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It was at this time that
Jacqueline, in addition to her intermittent assignments as a model, began to
engage in a more absorbing but equally unpredictable career: she was signed up
to play bit parts in the movies. It was hard to tell whether she was proud of
this or not, whether or not she considered this the first step in a career
which might lead to her becoming famous. In the morning she would drag herself
out of bed more in anger than with any show of enthusiasm, would take her
shower, quickly make herself up, for breakfast would accept only the large cup
of black coffee that O barely had time to make for her, and would let O kiss
the tips of her fingers, responding with no more than a mechanical smile and an
expression full of malice: O was soft and warm in her white vicuña dressing
gown, her hair combed, her face washed, looking for all the world like someone
who plans on going back to bed. And yet such was not the case. O had not yet
found the courage to explain why to Jacqueline. The truth of the matter was
that every day, when Jacqueline left for the film studio at Boulogne where her
picture was being shot, at the same time as the children left for school and
the white-collar workers for their offices, O, who in the past had indeed
whiled away the morning in her apartment, also got dressed.
"I'm sending you my
car," Sir Stephen had said, "to drive Jacqueline to Boulogne, then it
will come back to pick you up."
Thus O found herself headed
for Sir Stephen's place every morning when the sun along the way was still
striking the eastern faces; the other walls were still cool in the shade, but
in the gardens the shadows were already growing shorter.
At the rue de Poitiers, the
housework was still not finished. Norah, the mulatto maid, would take O into
the small bedroom where, the first evening, Sir Stephen had left her alone to
sleep and cry, wait till O had put her gloves, her bag, and her clothes on the
bed, and then she would take them and put them away, in O's presence, in a
closet to which she alone had the key. Then, having given O the patent-leather
high-heeled mules which made a sharp clicking sound as she walked, Norah would
precede her, opening the doors as they went, till they reached Sir Stephen's
study, when she would stand aside to let O pass.
O never got used to these
preparations, and stripping in front of this patient old woman, who never said
a word to her and scarcely looked at her, seemed to her as dangerous and
formidable as being naked at Roissy in the presence of the valets there. On
felt slippers, the old lady slipped silently by like a nun. As she followed
her, O could not take her eyes off the twin points of her Madras kerchief and,
every time she opened a door, off her thin, swarthy hand on the porcelain
handle, a hand that seemed as hard as wood.
At the same time, by a
feeling diametrically opposed to the terror she inspired in her - a
contradiction O was unable to explain - O experienced a kind of pride that this
servant of Sir Stephen (and just what was her relation to Sir Stephen, and why
had he entrusted her with this task as costume and make-up assistant for which
she assumed so poorly suited?) was a witness to the fact that she too - like so
many others, perhaps, whom she had guided in the same way, and why should she
think otherwise? - was worthy of being used by Sir Stephen. For perhaps Sir
Stephen did love her, without a doubt he did, and O sensed that the time was
not far off when he would no longer be content to let her suspect it but would
declare it to her - but to the very degree that his love and desire for her
were increasing, he was becoming more completely, more minutely, and more
deliberately exacting with her. Thus retained by his side for whole mornings,
during which he sometimes scarcely touched her, waiting only to be caressed by
her, she did whatever he wanted of her with a sentiment that must be qualified
as gratitude, which was all the greater whenever his request took the form of a
command. Each surrender was for her the pledge that another surrender would be
demanded of her, and she acquitted herself of each as though of a duty
performed; it was odd that she would have been completely satisfied by it, and
yet she was.
Sir Stephen's office,
situated directly above the yellow and gray drawing room where he held sway in
the evening, was smaller and had a lower ceiling. It contained neither settee
nor sofa, only two regency armchairs upholstered in a tapestry with a floral
pattern. O sat in one occasionally, but Sir Stephen generally preferred to keep
her near at hand, at arm's length, and while he was busy with other things, to
none the less have her seated on his desk, to his left. The desk was set at
right angles to the wall, which allowed O to lean back against the shelves
which contained some dictionaries and leather-bound phone books. The telephone
was snug against her left thigh, and every time the phone rang she jumped it.
It was she who picked up the receiver and answered, saying: "May I ask
who's calling?" then either repeating the name out loud and passing the
receiver to Sir Stephen, or, if he signaled to her, making some excuse for him.
Whenever had a visitor, old Norah would announce him, Sir Stephen would have
him wait long enough for Norah to conduct O back to the room where she had
undressed and where, after Sir Stephen's visitor had left, she would come to
fetch her again when Sir Stephen rang for her.
Since Norah entered and
left the study several times each morning, either to bring Sir Stephen his
coffee or to bring in the mail, to open or draw the blinds or to empty the
ashtrays, and since she alone had the right to enter and had been expressly
instructed never to knock, and since, finally, she always waited in silence
whenever she had something to say, until Sir Stephen spoke to her to ask her
what it was she wanted, it so happened that on one occasion when Norah came
into the room O was bent over the desk with her rear exposed, her head and arms
against the leather top, waiting for Sir Stephen to impale her. She raised her
head. If Norah had not glanced at her, and she invariably never did, that would
have been the only movement O would have made. But this time it was obvious
that Norah was trying to catch O's eye. Those black, beady eyes fastened on her
own - and it was impossible for O to tell whether they bespoke indifference or
not - those eyes set in a deeply furrowed, impassive face so bothered O that
she made a movement to try and get away from Sir Stephen. He gathered what it
was all about, and with one hand pinned her waist to the table, while prying
her open with the other. She who was constantly striving to cooperate and do
her best was now, quite involuntarily, tense and contracted, and Sir Stephen
was obliged to force his way. Even when he had done so, she felt that the ring
of her buttocks was tightening around him, and he had trouble forcing himself
all the way into her. He withdrew only when he was certain he could come and go
with ease. Then as he was on the point of taking her again, he told Norah to
wait, and said that she could help O get dressed when he had finished with her.
And yet, before he dismissed her, he kissed O tenderly on the mouth. It was
that kiss which, several days later, gave her the courage to tell him that
Norah frightened her.
"I should hope
so," he retorted. "And when you wear my mark and my irons, as I trust
you soon will - if you will consent to it - you'll have much more reason to be
afraid of her."
"Why?" O asked,
"and what mark and what irons? I'm already wearing this ring...."
"That's completely up
to Anne-Marie, to whom in fact I've promised to show you. We're going to pay
her a visit after lunch. I trust you don't mind? She's a friend of mine, and
you may have noted that, till now, I've refrained from ever introducing you to
my friends. When Anne-Marie is finished with you, I'll give you genuine reasons
for being afraid of Norah."
O did not dare to pursue
the matter any further. This Anne-Marie whom they had threatened her with
intrigued her more than Norah. Sir Stephen had already mentioned her when they
had lunched together at Saint-Cloud. And it was quite true that O knew none of
Sir Stephen's friends, nor any of his acquaintances. In short, she was living
in Paris, locked in her secret as though she had been locked in a brothel; the
only persons who had the key to her secret, René and Sir Stephen, at the same
time had the only key to her body. She could not help thinking that the
expression "open oneself to someone," which meant to give oneself,
for her had only this meaning, for she was in fact opening every part of her
body which was capable of being opened. It also seemed to her that this was her
raison d'être and that Sir Stephen, like René, intended it should be,
since whenever he spoke of his friends as he had done at Saint-Cloud, it was to
tell her that those to whom he might introduce her would, needless to say, be
free to dispose of her however they wished, if indeed they did. But in trying
to visualize Anne-Marie and imagine what it might be that Sir Stephen expected
from Anne-Marie as far as she, O, was concerned, O was completely at sea, and
not even her experience at Roissy was of any help to her. Sir Stephen had also
mentioned that he wanted to see her caress another woman: could that be it?
(But he had specified that he was referring to Jacqueline....) No, it wasn't
that. "To show you," he had just said. Indeed. But after she left
Anne-Marie, O knew no more than before.
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Anne-Marie lived not far
from the Observatoire in Paris, in an apartment flanked by a kind of large
studio, on the top floor of a new building overlooking the treetops. She was a
slender woman, the same age more or less as Sir Stephen, and her black hair was
streaked with gray. Her eyes were such a deep blue they looked black. She offered
O and Sir Stephen some coffee, a very strong bitter coffee which she served
steaming hot in tiny cups, and which reassured O. When she had finished her
coffee and got up from her chair to put down her empty cup on a coffee table,
Anne-Marie seized her by the wrist and, turning to Sir Stephen, said:
"May I?"
"Please do," Sir
Stephen said.
Then Anne-Marie, who tell
then had neither spoken to nor smiled at O, even to greet her or to acknowledge
Sir Stephen's introduction, said to her softly, with a smile so tender one
would have thought she were giving her a present:
"Come, my child, and
let me see your belly and backside, but better yet, why don't you take off all
your clothes."
While O obeyed, she lighted
a cigarette. Sir Stephen had not taken his eyes off O. They left her standing
there for perhaps five minutes. There was no mirror in the room, but O caught a
vague reflection of herself in the black-lacquer surface of a screen.
"Take off your
stockings too," Anne-Marie said suddenly. "You see," she went
on, "you shouldn't wear garters, you'll ruin your thighs." And with
the tip of her finger she pointed to the spot just above O's knees where O
rolled down her stockings around a wide elastic garter. There was in fact a
faint mark on her leg.
"Who told you to do
that?"
Before O had a chance to
reply, Sir Stephen said:
"The boy who gave her
to me, you know him, René." And he added: "But I'm sure he'll come
around to your opinion."
"I'm glad to hear
it," said Anne-Marie. "I'm going to give you some long, dark
stockings, O, and a corset to hold them up. But it will be a whalebone corset,
one that will be snug at the waist."
When Anne-Marie had run a
young blonde, silent girl had brought in some very sheer, black stockings and a
tight-fitting corset of black nylon taffeta, reinforced and sustained by wide,
close-set stays which curved in at the lower belly and above the hips. O, who
was still standing, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, slipped on
the stockings, which came to the top of her thighs. The young blonde helped her
into the corset, which had a row of buckles along one of the busks on one side
near the back. Like the bodices at Roissy, this one could be laced up as
tightly or as loosely as desired, the laces being at the back. O fastened her
stockings to the four garter-belt snaps in front and on the sides, then the
girl set about lacing her up as tight as she could. O felt her waist and belly
being pressed inward by the pressure of the stays, that in front descended
almost to the pubis, which they left free, as they did her hips. The corset was
shorter behind and left her rear completely free.
"She'll be much
improved," Anne-Marie said, speaking to Sir Stephen, "when her waist
is a fraction of its present size. And what's more, if you're too pressed for
time to have her undress, you'll see that the corset is no inconvenience. Now
then, O, step over this way."
The girl left: O went over
to Anne-Marie, who was sitting in a low chair, a small easy chair upholstered
in bright red velvet. Anne-Marie ran her hand lightly over her buttocks and
then, toppling her over on an ottoman similar to the red velvet chair and
ordering her not to move, seized both her nether lips.
This is how they lift the
fish at the market, O was thinking, by the gills, and how they pry open the
mouths of horses. She also recalled that the valet Pierre, during her first
evening at Roissy, had done the same to her after having fastened her in
chains. After all, she was no longer mistress of her own fate, and that part of
her of which she was least in control was most assuredly that half of her body
which could, so to speak, be put to use independently of the rest. Why, each
time that she realized this, as she - surprised was not really the right word -
once again persuaded, why was she paralyzed each time by the same feeling of
profound distress, a sentiment which tended to deliver her not so much into the
hands of the person she was with as into the hands of him who had turned her
over to alien hands, a sentiment which drew her closer to René when others were
possessing her and which, here, was tending to draw her closer to whom? To René
or to Sir Stephen? She no longer knew.... But that was because she did not want
to know, for it was clear that she had belonged to Sir Stephen now for ... how
long had it been? ...
Anne-Marie had her stand up
and put her clothes back on.
"You can bring her to
me whenever you like," she said to Sir Stephen. "I'll be at Samois
(Samois... O had expected: Roissy. But if it did not mean Roissy; then what did
it mean?) in two days time. That will be fine." (What would be fine?)
"In ten days, if that
suits you," Sir Stephen said, "at the beginning of July."
In the car which was
driving back home, Sir Stephen having remained behind at Anne-Marie's she
remembered the statue she had seen as a child in the Luxembourg Gardens: a
woman whose waist had been similarly constricted and seemed so slim between her
full breasts and plump behind - she was leaning over limpid water, a spring
which, like her, was carefully sculptured in marble, looking at her reflection
- so slim and frail that she had been afraid the marble waist would snap. But
if that was what Sir Stephen wanted...
As for Jacqueline, she
could handle her easily enough merely by telling her the corset was one of
René's whims. Which brought O back to a train of thought she had been trying to
avoid whenever it occurred to her, one which surprised her above all not to
find more painful: why, since Jacqueline had moved in with her, had he made an
effort not so much to leave her alone with Jacqueline, which she could
understand, but to avoid being alone with O any more? July was fast
approaching, and he would be going away and would not be coming to visit her at
this Anne-Marie's where Sir Stephen was sending her; must she therefore resign
herself to the fact that the only times she would see him would be those
evenings when he was in the mood to invite Jacqueline and her, or - and she
didn't know which of the two possibilities upset her most (since between them,
at this point, there was something basically false, due to the fact that their
relationship was so circumscribed) - on those occasional mornings when she was
at Sir Stephen's and Norah ushered René in, after having announced his arrival?
Sir Stephen always received him, invariably René kissed O, caressed the tips of
her breasts, coordinated his plans with Sir Stephen for the following day -
plans which never included O - and left. Had he given her to Sir Stephen so
completely that he had ceased to love her? The thought threw O into such a
state of panic that, mechanically, she got out of Sir Stephen's car in front of
her house, instead of telling the chauffeur to wait, and after it had pulled
away she had to dash off in search of a taxi. Taxis are few and far between on
the quai de Bethune. O had to run all the way to the boulevard Saint-Germain,
and still she had to wait. She was all out of breath, and in a sweat, because
her corset made it hard for her to breathe, when a taxi finally slowed down at
the corner of the rue Cardinal-Lemoine. She signaled to it, gave the driver the
address of René's office, got in without knowing whether René would be there,
and if he was, whether he would see her; it was the first time she had gone to
his office.
She was not surprised by
the impressive building on a side street just off the Champs-Elysées, or by the
American-style offices, but what did disconcert her was René's attitude,
although he did receive her immediately. Not that he was aggressive or full of
reproaches. She would have preferred reproaches, for he had never given her
permission to come and disturb him at his office, and it was possible that she
was creating a considerable disturbance for him. He dismissed his secretary,
told her that he did not want to see anyone, and asked her to hold all calls.
Then he asked O what was the matter.
"I was afraid you
didn't love me any longer," O said.
He laughed. "All of a
sudden, just like that?"
"Yes, in the car
coming back from..."
"Coming back from
where?"
O remained silent.
René laughed again:
"But I know where you
were, silly. Coming back from Anne-Marie's. And in ten days you're going to
Samois. Sir Stephen just talked to me on the phone."
René was seated in the only
comfortable chain in the office, which was facing the table, and O had buried
herself in his arms.
"They can do whatever
they want with me, I don't care," she murmured. "But tell me you
still love me."
"Of course I love you,
darling," René said, "but I want you to obey me, and I'm afraid
you're not doing a very good job of it. Did you tell Jacqueline that you
belonged to Sir Stephen, did you talk to her about Roissy?"
O assured him that she had
not. Jacqueline acquiesced to her caresses, but the day she should learn that
O...
René stopped her from
completing her sentence, lifted her up and laid her down in the chair where he
had just been sitting, and bunched up her skirt.
"Ah ha, so you have
your corset," he said. "It's true that you'll be much more attractive
when you have a smaller waistline."
Then he took her, and it
seemed to O that it had been so long since he had that, subconsciously, she
realized she had begun to doubt whether he really desired her any longer, and
in his act she saw proof of love.
"You know," he said
afterward, "you're foolish not to talk to Jacqueline. We absolutely need
her at Roissy, and the simplest way of getting her there would be through you.
Besides, when you come back from Anne-Marie's there won't be any way of
concealing your true conditioning any longer."
O wanted to know why.
"You'll see,"
René went on. "You still have five days, and only five days, because Sir
Stephen intends to start whipping you again daily, five days before he sends
you to Anne-Marie's and there will be no way for you to hide the marks. How
will you ever explain them to Jacqueline?"
O did not reply. What René
did not know was that Jacqueline was completely egotistical as far as O was
concerned, being interested in her solely because of O's manifest, and
passionate, interest in her, and she never looked at O. If O were covered with
welts from the floggings, all she would have to do would be to take care not to
bathe in Jacqueline's presence, and to wear a nightgown. Jacqueline would never
notice a thing. She had never noticed that O did not wear panties, and there
was no danger she would notice anything else: the fact was that O did not
interest her.
"Listen to me,"
René went on, "there's one thing anyway I want you to tell her, and tell
her right away, and that is that I'm in love with her."
"Is that true?" O
said.
"I want her,"
René said, "and since you can't - or won't - do anything about it, I'll
take charge of the matter myself and do what has to be done."
"You'll never get her
to agree to go to Roissy," O said.
"I won't? In that
case," René retorted, "we'll force her to."
That night, after dark,
when Jacqueline was in bed and O had pulled the covers back to gaze at her in
the light of the lamp, after having said to her: "René's in love with you,
you know" - for she had delivered the message and delivered it without
delay - O, who a month before had been horrified at the idea of seeing this
delicate wisp of a body scored by the lash, these narrow loins quartered, the
pure mouth screaming, and the far down on her cheeks streaked with tear, O now
repeated to herself René's final words and was happy.
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With Jacqueline gone and
not due back until beginning of August, if they had finished shooting the film
she was making, there was nothing further to keep O in Paris. July was around
the corner, all the gardens in Paris were bursting with crimson geraniums, at
noon all the shutters in town were closed, and René was complaining that he
would have to make a trip to Scotland. For a moment O was hoping that he would
take her along. But apart from the fact that he never took her anywhere to see
his family, she knew that he would surrender her to Sir Stephen, if he were to
ask for her.
Sir Stephen announced that
he would come for her the same day that René was flying to London. She was on
vacation.
"We're going down to
Anne-Marie's," he said, "she's expecting you. Don't bother packing a
suitcase, you won't need anything."
Their destination was not
the apartment near the Observatoire where O had first met Anne-Marie, but a
low-lying two-story house at the end of a large garden, on the edge of the
Fontanebleau Forest. Since that first day, O had been wearing the whalebone
corset that Anne-Marie had deemed so essential: each day she had tightened it a
little more, until now her waist was scarcely larger than the circle formed by
her ten fingers.; Anne-Marie ought to be pleased.
When they arrived it was
two o'clock in the afternoon, the whole house was asleep, and the dog barked
faintly when they rang the bell: a big, shaggy, sheepdog that sniffed at O's
knees beneath her skirt. Anne-Marie was sitting under a copper beech tree on
the edge of the lawn which , in one corner of the garden, faced the windows of
her bedroom. She did not get up.
"Her's O," Sir
Stephen said. "You know what has to be done with her. When will she be
ready?"
Anne-Marie glanced at O.
"You mean you haven't told her? All right, I'll begin immediately. You
should probably allow ten days after it's over. I imagine you'll want to put
the rings and monogram on yourself? Come back in two weeks. The whole business
should be finished in two weeks after that."
O started to ask a
question.
"Just a minute,
O," Anne-Marie said, "go into the front bedroom over there, get
undressed but keep your sandals on, and come back."
The room, a large white
bedroom with heavy purple Jouy print drapes, was empty. O put her bag, her
gloves, and her clothes on a small chair near a closet door. There was no
mirror. She went back outside and, dazzled by the bright sunlight, walked
slowly back over in the shade of the beech tree. Sir Stephen was still standing
in front of Anne-Marie, the dog at his feet. Anne-Marie's black hair, streaked with
gray, shone as though she had used some kind of cream on it, her blue eyes
seemed black. She was dressed in white, with a patent-leather belt around her
waist, and she was wearing patent-leather sandals which revealed the bright red
nail polish on the toenails of her bare feet, the same color polish she was
wearing on her fingernails.
"O," she said,
"kneel down in front of Sir Stephen."
O obliged, her arms crossed
behind her back, the tips of her breasts quivering. The dog tensed, as though
he were about to spring at her.
"Down, Turk,"
Anne-Marie ordered. Then: "Do you consent, O, to bear the rings and
monogram with which Sir Stephen desires you to be marked, without knowing how
they will be placed upon you?"
"I do," O said.
"All right then, I'm
going to walk Sir Stephen to his car. Stay here."
As Anne-Marie got up from
her chaise lounge, Sir Stephen bent down and took O's breasts in his hands. He
kissed her on the mouth and murmured:
"Are you mine, O, are
you really mine?" then turned and left her, to follow Anne-Marie. The gate
banged shut, Anne-Marie was coming back. O, her legs folded beneath her, was
sitting on her heels and had her arms on her knees, like an Egyptian statue.
There were three other
girls living in the house, all of whom had a bedroom on the second floor. O was
given a small bedroom on the ground floor, adjoining Anne-Marie's. Anne-Marie
called up to them to come down into the garden. Like O, all three of them were
naked. The only persons in this gynaeceum - which was carefully concealed by
the high walls and by closed shutters over the windows which overlooked a
narrow dirt road - the only persons who wore clothes were Anne-Marie and the
three servants: a cook and two maids, all of whom were older than Anne-Marie,
three severe, dour women in their black alpaca skirts and stiffly starched
aprons.
"Her name is O,"
said Anne-Marie, who had sat down again. "Bring her over to me so I can
get a better look at her." Two of the girls helped O to her feet: they
were both brunettes, their hair as dark as their fleece below, and the nipples
of their breasts were large and dark, almost purple. The other girl was a
short, plump redhead, and the chalky skin of her bosom was crisscrossed by a
terrifying network of green veins. The two girls pushed O till she was right
next to Anne-Marie, who pointed to the three black stripes that showed on the
front of her thighs and were repeated on her buttocks.
"Who whipped
you?" she asked. "Sir Stephen?"
"Yes," O said.
"When? And with
what?"
"Three days ago, with
a riding crop."
"Starting tomorrow,
and for a month thereafter, you will not be whipped. But today you will, to
mark your arrival, as soon as I've had a chance to examine you. Has Sir Stephen
ever whipped you on the inside of your thighs, with your legs spread wide? No?
It's true, men don't know how to. Well, we'll soon see. Show me your waist.
Yes, it's much better!"
Anne-Marie pressed O's
waist to make it even more wasplike. Then she sent the redhead to fetch another
corset and had them put it on her. It was also made of black nylon, but it was
so stiffly whaleboned and so narrow that it looked for all the world like an
extremely wide belt. It had no garter straps. One of the girls laced it up as
tight as she could, with Anne-Marie lending her encouragement as she pulled on
the laces as hard as she could.
"This is
dreadful," O said. "I don't know whether I can bear it."
"That's the whole
point," Anne-Marie said. "You're much, much lovelier than you were,
but the problem was you didn't lace it tight enough. You're going to wear it
this way every day. But tell me now, how did Sir Stephen prefer using you? I
need to know."
She had seized O's womb
with her whole hand, and O could not reply. Two of the girls were seated on the
lawn, the third, one of the brunettes, was seated on the foot of Anne-Marie's
chaise lounge.
"Turn her around for
me, girls, so I can see her back," Anne-Marie said.
She was turned around and
bent over, and the hands of both girls vented her.
"Of course,"
Anne-Marie went on, "there was no need for you to tell me. You'll have to
be marked on the rear. Stand up. We're going to put on your bracelets. Colette,
go get the box, and we'll draw lots to see who will whip you. Bring the tokens,
Colette, then we'll go to the music room."
Colette was the taller of
the two dark-haired girls, the other's name was Claire; the short redhead was
named Yvonne. O had not noticed till now that they were all wearing, as at
Roissy, a leather collar and leather bracelets on their wrists. They were also
wearing similar bracelets around their ankles.
When Yvonne had chosen some
bracelets that fit O and put them on her, Anne-Marie handed O four tokens and
asked her to give one to each of the girls, without looking at the numbers on
them. O handed out the tokens, the three girls each looked at theirs but said
nothing, waiting for Anne-Marie to speak.
"I have number
two," Anne-Marie said. "Who has number one?"
Colette had number one.
"All right, take O
away, she's all yours."
Colette seized O's arms and
joined her hands behind her back; she fastened the bracelets together and
pushed O ahead of her. On the threshold of a French door that opened into a
small wing which formed an L with the front of the house, Yvonne, who was
leading the way, removed her sandals. The light entering through the French
door revealed a room the far end of which formed a kind of raised rotunda; the
ceiling, in the shape of a shallow cupola, was supported by two narrow columns
set about six feet apart. This dais was about four steps high and, in the area
between the columns, projected further into the room in a gentle arc. The floor
of the rotunda, like that of the rest of the room, was covered with a red felt
carpet. The walls were white, the curtains on the windows red, and the sofas
set in a semicircle facing the rotunda were upholstered in the same red felt
material as the carpet on the floor. In the rectangular portion of the room
there was a fireplace which was wider than it was deep, and opposite the
fireplace a large console-type combination record player and radio, with
shelves of records on both sides. This was why it was called the music room,
which communicated directly with Anne-Marie's bedroom via a door near the
fireplace. The identical door on the other side of the fireplace opened into a
closet. Aside from the record player and the sofas, the room had no furniture.
While Colette had O sit
down on the edge of the platform, which in this center portion between the
columns made a vertical drop to the floor - the steps having been placed to the
left and right of the columns - the two other girls, after first having closed
the venetian blinds a trifle, shut the French door. O was surprised to note
that it was a double door, and Anne-Marie, who was laughing said:
"That's so no one can
hear you scream. And the walls are lined with cork. Don't worry, no one can
hear the slightest thing that goes on in here. Now lie down."
She took her by both
shoulders and laid her back, then pulled her slightly forward. O's hands were clutching
the edge of the platform - Yvonne having attached them to a ring set in the
platform - and her buttocks were thus suspended in mid-air. Anne-Marie made her
raise her legs toward her chest, then O suddenly felt her legs, still
doubled-up above her, being pulled taut in the same direction: straps had been
fastened to her ankle bracelets and thence to the columns on either side, while
she lay thus between them on this raised dais exposed in such a way that the
only part of her which was visible was the double cleft of her womb and her
buttocks violently quartered. Anne-Marie caressed the inside of her thighs.
"It's the most tender
spot of the whole body," she said, "be careful not to harm it. Not
too hard now, Colette."
Colette was standing over
her, astride her at the level of her waist, and in the bridge formed by her
dark legs, O could see the tassels of the whip she was holding in her hand. As
the first blows burned into her loins, O moaned. Colette alternated from left
to right, paused, then started again. O struggled with all her might, she
thought the straps would tear her limb from limb. She did not want to grovel,
she did not want to beg for mercy. And yet, that was precisely what Anne-Marie
intended wringing from her lips.
"Faster," she said
to Colette, "and harder."
O braced herself, but it
was no use. A minute later she could bear it no more, she screamed and burst
into tears, while Anne-Marie caressed her face.
"Just a second
longer," she said, "and it will be over. Only five more minutes. She
can scream for five minutes. It's twenty-five past, Colette. Stop when it's
half past, when I tell you to."
But O was screaming:
"No, no, for God's
sake don't!" screaming that she couldn't bear it, no, she couldn't bear
the torture another second. And yet she endured it to the bitter end, and after
Colette had left the little stage, Anne-Marie smiled at her.
"Thank me," she
said to O, and O thanked her.
She knew very well why
Anne-Marie had wanted, above all else, to have her whipped. That the female of
the species was as cruel as, and more implacable than, the male, O had never
doubted for a minute. But O suspected that Anne-Marie was less interested in
making a spectacle of her power than she was in establishing between O and
herself a sense of complicity. O had never really understood, but she had
finally come to accept as an undeniable and important verity, this constant and
contradictory jumble of her emotions: she liked the idea of torture, but when
she was being tortured herself she would have betrayed the whole world to
escape it, and yet when it was over she was happy to have gone through it,
happier still if it had been especially cruel and prolonged. Anne-Marie had
been correct in her assumptions both as to O's acquiescence and as to her
revolt, and knew that her pleas for mercy were indeed genuine. There was still
a third reason for what she had done, which she explained to O. She was bent on
proving to every girl who came into her house, and who was fated to live in a
totally feminine universe, that her condition as a woman should not be
minimized or denigrated by the fact that she was in contact only with other
women, but that, on the contrary, it should be heightened and intensified. That
was why she required that the girls be constantly naked; the way in which O was
flogged, as well as the position in which she was bound, had no other purpose.
Today it was O who would remain for the rest of the afternoon - for three more
hours - exposed on the dais, her legs raised and spread. Tomorrow it would be
Claire, or Colette, or Yvonne, whom O would contemplate in tun. It was a
technique much too slow and meticulous (as was the way the whip was wielded) to
be used at Roissy. But O would see how efficient it was. Apart from the rings
and the letters she would wear when she left, she would be returned to Sir
Stephen more open, and more profoundly enslaved, than she had ever before
thought possible.
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The following morning,
after breakfast, Anne-Marie told O and Yvonne to follow her into the bedroom.
From her writing desk she took a green leather coffer which she set on the bed
and proceeded to open. Both girls squatted on their heels.
"Hasn't Yvonne said
anything to you about this?" Anne-Marie asked O.
O shook her head. What was
there for Yvonne to tell her?
"And I know Sir
Stephen didn't either. No matter. Anyway, here are the rings he wants you to
wear."
The rings were of stainless
steel, unburnished, the same dull finish as the gold-plated iron ring. They
were oblong in shape, similar to the links of a heavy chain, the rounded metal
being approximately as thick as the diameter of an oversized coloring pencil.
Anne-Marie showed O that each ring was composed of two U-shaped halves, one of
which fitted into the other.
"This is only the test
model," she said, "which can be removed after it's been inserted. The
permanent model, you see, has a spring inside, and when you press on it, it
locks into the female slot of the other half of the ring and cannot be removed,
except by filing."
Each ring was as long as
two joints of the little finger and wide enough for the same little finger to
slip through it. To each ring was suspended, like another ring, or as though to
the supporting loop of an earring, a ring which was meant to hang parallel to
the plane of the ear and form its extension, a round disk made of the same
metal, whose diameter was the same size as the ring was long. On one of its
faces, a triskelion in gold inlay; on the opposite face, nothing.
"On the blank side
will be your name, your title, and Sir Stephen's family and given names,"
Anne-Marie said, "with below it, a design composed of a crossed whip and
riding crop. Yvonne is wearing a disk just like it on her necklace, but yours
will be worn on your loins."
"But...," O
ventured.
"I know,"
Anne-Marie replied, "that's why I brought Yvonne along. Show yours,
Yvonne."
The red-haired girl rose to
her feet and lay back on the bed. Anne-Marie spread her thighs and showed O
that one of the nether lobes had been neatly pierced, half way down and close
to the base. The iron ring would just fit into it.
"In a moment I'll
pierce you, O," Anne-Marie said. "It's nothing really. What takes the
longest is placing the clamps so as to be able to suture the outer and inner
layers, attach the epidermis to the inner membrane. It's much easier to bear
than the whip."
"You mean to say you
won't put me to sleep?" O cried, trembling.
"Of course not,"
Anne-Marie replied. "You'll merely be tied a little more tightly than you
were yesterday. That's really quite sufficient. Now come long."
A week later, Anne-Marie
removed the clamps and slipped on the test ring. It was lighter than it looked,
for it was hollow, but still O could feel its weight. The hard metal, which was
visibly piercing the flesh, looked like an instrument of torture. What would it
be like when the weight of the second ring was added to it? This barbaric
instrument would be immediately and glaringly apparent to the most casual
glance.
"Of course it
will," Anne-Marie said, when O pointed this out to her. "But aren't
you by now fully aware of what Sir Stephen wants? Anyone at Roissy or anywhere
else, Sir Stephen or anyone else, even you in front of the mirror, anyone who
lifts your skirts will immediately see his rings on your loins and, if you turn
around, his monogram on your buttocks. You may possibly file the rings off one
day, but the grand on your backside will never come off."
"I thought it was possible
to have tattoos removed," Colette said. (It was she who had tattooed, on
Yvonne's white skin just above the triangle of her belly, the initials of
Yvonne's master in ornate blue letters, like the letters you find on
embroidery.)
"O will not be tattooed,"
replied Anne-Marie.
O looked at Anne-Marie.
Colette and Yvonne were stunned, and said nothing. Anne-Marie was fumbling for
her words.
"Go ahead and say
it," O said.
"My poor dear girl, I
just couldn't work up the courage to tell you: you're to be branded. Sir
Stephen sent me the branding irons two days ago."
"Branded?" Yvonne
cried, "with a red-hot branding iron?"
from the first day, O had
shared in the life of the house. Idleness, absolute and deliberate idleness was
the order of the day, interspersed with dull distractions. The girls were at
liberty to walk in the garden, to read, draw, play cards, play solitaire. They
could sleep in their rooms or sunbathe on the lawn. Sometimes two of them would
chat, or they would talk together in pairs for hours on end, and sometimes they
would sit at Anne-Marie's feet without uttering a word. Mealtimes were always
the same, dinner was by candlelight, tea was served in the garden, and there
was something absurd about the matter-of-fact way in which the two servants
served these naked girls seated around a festive table.
In the evening, Anne-Marie
would designate one of them to sleep with her, sometimes the same one several
nights in succession. She caressed her chosen partner and was by her caressed,
generally toward dawn, and then she would immediately fall asleep, after having
sent her partner back to her own room. The purple drapes, only half closed,
tinted the dawning day mauve, and Yvonne used to say that Anne-Marie was as
beautiful and haughty in receiving pleasure as she was unstinting in her
demands. None of them had ever seen her naked. She would pull up or open
slightly her white nightgown, but would not take it off. Neither the pleasure
she may have tasted the previous night before nor her choice of partner the
previous evening had the least influence on her decision the following
afternoon, which was always determined by a drawing. At three in the afternoon,
beneath the copper beech where the garden chairs were grouped about a round,
white-marble table, Anne-Marie would bring out the token box. Each girl would
take a token. Whoever drew the lowest number was then taken to the music room
and arranged on the dais as O had been that first day. She then had to point to
(save for O, who was exempted until her departure) Anne-Marie's right or left
hand, in each of which she was holding a white or black ball. If she chose
black, she was flogged; white, she was not. Anne-Marie never resorted to
chicanery, even if chance condemned or spared the same girl several days in a
row. Thus the torture of little Yvonne, who sobbed and cried out for her lover,
was repeated four days running. Her thighs, like her breasts crisscrossed with
a green network of veins, spread to reveal a pink flesh which was pierced by
the thick iron ring, which had finally been inserted, and the spectacle was all
the more striking because Yvonne was completely shaved.
"But why?" O
wanted to know, "and why the ring if you are already wearing a disk on
your collar?"
"He says I'm more
naked when I'm shaved. The ring, I think the ring is to fasten me with."
Yvonne's green eyes and her
tiny triangular face reminded O of Jacqueline every time she looked at her.
What if Jacqueline were to go to Roissy? Sooner or later, Jacqueline would end
up here, would here be strapped on her back on this platform.
"I won't," O
would say, "I don't want to and I won't lift a finger to get her there. As
it is, I've already said too much. Jacqueline's not the sort to be flogged and
marked."
But how admirably suited to
blows and irons was little Yvonne how lovely it was to hear her moans and
sighs, how lovely too to witness her body soaked with perspiration, and what a
pleasure to wrest the moans and the sweat from her. For on two occasions
Anne-Marie had handed O the thonged whip - both times the victim had been
Yvonne - and told her to use it. The first time, for the first minute, she had
hesitated, and at Yvonne's first scream, O had recoiled and cringed, but as
soon as she had started in again and Yvonne's cries had echoed anew, she had
been overwhelmed with a terrible feeling of pleasure, a feeling so intense that
she had caught herself laughing in spite of herself, and she had found it
almost impossible to restrain herself from striking Yvonne as hard as she could.
Afterward she had remained next to Yvonne throughout the entire period of time
she was kept tied up, embracing her from time to time. In some ways, she
probably resembled Yvonne. At least one was led to suspect as much by the way
Anne-Marie felt about them both. Was it O's silence, her meekness that endeared
her to Anne-Marie? Scarcely had O's wounds healed than Anne-Marie remarked:
"How I regret not to
be able to whip you!... When you come back... But let's say no more about it.
In any event, I'm going to open you every day."
And, daily, when the girl
who was in the music room had been untied, O would replace her until the bell
rang for dinner. And Anne-Marie was right: it was true that during those two
hours all she could think of was the fact that she was opened, and of the ring,
hanging heavily from her (after one had been placed there) which, after they
had inserted the second ring, weighed even more. She could think of nothing
save her enslaved condition, and of the marks that went with it.
One evening Claire had come
in with Colette from the garden, come over to O and examined both sides of the
rings.
"When you went to
Roissy," she said, "was it Anne-Marie who brought you there?"
"No," O said.
"It was Anne-Marie who
brought me, two years ago. I'm going back there day after tomorrow."
"But don't you belong
to anyone?" O said.
"Claire belongs to
me," said Anne-Marie, appearing from nowhere. "Your master's arriving
tomorrow, O. Tonight you'll sleep with me."
The short summer night
waxed slowly brighter until, toward four o'clock, daylight drowned the last
stars. O, who was sleeping with her legs together, was awakened by Anne-Marie's
hands probing between her thighs. But all Anne-Marie wanted was to awaken O, to
have O caress her. Her eyes were shining in the half light, and her black hair,
with the streaks of gray interspersed, was pushed up behind her on the pillow:
only slightly curly, and cut quite short, it made her look like some mighty
nobleman in exile, like some brave libertine. With her lips, O brushed the hard
tips of her breasts, and her hand ran lightly over the valley of her belly.
Anne-Marie was quick to yield - but not to O. The pleasure to which she opened
her eyes wide, staring at the growing daylight, was an anonymous, impersonal
pleasure of which O was merely the instrument. It made no difference whatever
to Anne-Marie that O admired her face, smooth and glowing with renewed youth,
her lovely panting lips, nor did she care whether O heard her moan when her
lips and teeth seized the crest of flesh hidden in the furrow of her belly. She
merely seized O by the hair to press her more closely to her, and only let her
go in order to say to her:
"Again, do it
again."
O had loved Jacqueline in
the same way, had held her completely abandoned in her arms. She had possessed
her; or at least she so thought. But the similarity of gestures meant nothing.
O did not possess Anne-Marie. No one possessed Anne-Marie. Anne-Marie demanded
caresses without worrying about what the person providing them might feel, and
she surrendered herself with an arrogant liberty. Yet she was all kindness and
gentleness with O, kissed her on the mouth and kissed her breasts, and held her
close against her for an hour before sending her back to her own room. She had
removed her irons.
"These are your final
hours here," she said, "you can sleep without the irons. The ones
we'll put on you in a little while you'll never be able to take off."
She had run her hand
softly, and at great length, over O's rear, then had taken her into the room
where she, Anne-Marie, dressed, the only room in the house where there was a
three-sided mirror. She had opened the mirror so that O could see herself.
"This is the last time
you'll see yourself intact," she said. "Here, on this smooth rounded
area is where Sir Stephen's initials will be branded, on either side of the
cleft in your behind. The day before you leave I'll bring you back here for
another look at yourself. You won't recognize yourself. But Sir Stephen is
right. Now go and get some sleep, O."
But O was too worried and
upset to sleep, and when at ten the next morning Yvonne came to fetch her, O
was trembling so that she had to help her bathe, arrange her hair, and put on
her lipstick. She had heard the garden gate open; Sir Stephen was there.
"Come along now,
O," Yvonne said, "he's waiting for you."
The sun was already high in
the sky, not a breath of air was stirring in the leave of the beech tree, which
looked as though it were made out of copper. The dog, overcome by the heat, was
lying at the foot of the tree, and since the sun had not yet disappeared behind
the main mass of foliage, its rays shot through the end of the only branch
which, at this hour, cast a shadow on the table: the marble top was resplendent
with bright, warm spots of light.
Sir Stephen was standing,
motionless, beside the table, Anne-Marie seated beside him.
"Here she is,"
said Anne-Marie, when Yvonne had brought O before them, "the rings can be
put on whenever you like, she's been pierced."
Without replying, Sir
Stephen took O in his arms, kissed her on the mouth and, lifting her completely
off her feet, lay her down on the table and bent over her. Then he kissed her
again, caressed her eyebrows and her hair and, straightening up, said to
Anne-Marie:
"Right now, if it's
all right with you."
Anne-Marie took the leather
coffer which she had brought out with her and set down on a chair, and handed
Sir Stephen the rings, which were unhooked, and on which were inscribed the
names of O and Sir Stephen.
"Any time," Sir
Stephen said.
Yvonne lifted O's knees,
and O felt the cold metal as Anne-Marie slipped it into place. As she was
slipping the second half of the ring into the first, she was careful to see
that the side inlaid with gold was against her thigh, and the side which bore
the inscription facing inward. But the spring was so tight that the prongs
would not go in all the way. They had to send Yvonne to fetch the hammer. Then
they made O sit up and lean over, with her legs spread, on the edge of the
marble slab, which served as an anvil first for the one, then the other of the
two links of the chain, while they hit the other end of the hammer to drive the
prongs home. Sir Stephen looked on in silence. When it was over, he thanked
Anne-Marie and helped O to her feet. It was then she realized that these new
irons were much heavier than the ones she had been wearing temporarily for the
past few days. But these were permanent.
"And now your
monogram, right?" Anne-Marie said to Sir Stephen.
Sir Stephen nodded assent,
and held O by the waist, for she was stumbling and looked as though she might
fall. She was not wearing her black corset, but it had so molded her into the
desired shape that she looked as though she might break, so slim was her
waistline now. And, as a result, her hips and breasts seemed fuller.
In the music room, into
which Sir Stephen carried rather than led O, Colette and Claire were seated at
the foot of the stage. When the others came in, they both got to their feet. On
the stage was a big, round single-burner stove. Anne-Marie took the straps from
the closet and had them tie O tightly around the waist and knees, her belly
hard against one of the columns. They also bound her hands and feet. Consumed
by fear and terror, O felt one of Anne-Marie's hands on her buttocks,
indicating the exact spot for the irons, she heard the hiss of a flame and, in
total silence, heard the windows being closed. She could not have turned her
head and looked, but she did not have the strength to. One single, frightful
stab of pain coursed through her, made her go rigid in the bonds and wrenched a
scream from her lips, and she never knew who it was who had, with both branding
irons at once, seared the flesh of her buttocks, nor whose voice had counted
slowly up to five, nor whose hand had given the signal to withdraw the irons.
When they unfastened her,
she collapsed into Anne-Marie's arms and had time, before everything turned
black around her and she completely lost consciousness, to catch a glimpse,
between two waves of darkness, of Sir Stephen's ghastly pale face.
Ten days before the end of
July, Sir Stephen drove O back to Paris. The irons attached to the left lobe of
her belly cleft, proclaiming in bold letters that she was Sir Stephen's
personal property, came about a third of the way down her thigh and, at every
step, swung back and forth between her legs like the clapper of a bell, the
inscribed disk being heavier and longer than the ring to which it was attached.
The marks made by the branding iron, about three inches in height and half that
in width, had been burned into the flesh as though by a gouging tool, and were
almost half an inch deep: the lightest stroke of the finger revealed them. From
these irons and these marks, O derived a feeling of inordinate pride. Had
Jacqueline been there, instead of trying to conceal from her the fact that she
bore them, as she had tried to hide the traces of the welts raised by the
riding crop which Sir Stephen had wielded during those last days before her
departure, she would have gone running in search of Jacqueline, to show them to
her. But Jacqueline was not due back for another week. René wasn't there.
During that week, O, at Sir Stephen's behest, had several summer dresses made,
and a number of evening gowns of a very light material. He allowed her only two
models, but let her order variations on both: one with a zipper all the way
down the front (O already had several like it), the other a full skirt, easy to
lift, always with a corselet above, which came up to below the breasts and was
worn with a high-necked bolero. All one had to do was remove the bolero and the
shoulders and breasts were bare, or simply to open it if one desired to see the
breasts. Bathing suits, of course, were out of the question; the nether irons
would hang below the suit. Sir Stephen had told her that this summer she would
have to swim naked whenever she went swimming. Beach slacks were also out.
However, Anne-Marie, who was responsible for the two basic models of dresses,
knowing where Sir Stephen's preference lay in using O, had proposed a type of
slacks which would be supported in front by the blouse and, on both sides, have
long zippers, thus allowing the back flap to be lowered without taking off the
slacks. But Sir Stephen refused. It was true that he used O, when he did not
have recourse to her mouth, almost invariably as he would have a boy. But O had
had ample opportunity to notice that when she was near him, even when he did
not particularly desire her, he loved to take hold of and tug at her fleece
with his hand, to pry her open and burrow at length within. The pleasure O
derived from holding Jacqueline in much the same way, moist and burning between
her locked fingers, was ample evidence and a guarantee of Sir Stephen's
pleasure. She understood why he did not want any extraneous obstacles set in
the path of that pleasure.
Hatless, wearing
practically no make-up, her hair completely free, O looked like a
well-brought-up little girl, dressed as she was in her twirled stripe or polka
dot, navy blue-and-white or gray-and-white pleated sun-skirts and the fitted
bolero buttoned at the neck, or in her more conservative dresses of black
nylon. Everywhere Sir Stephen escorted her she was taken for his daughter, or
his niece, and this mistake was abetted by the fact that he, in addressing her,
employed the tu form, wheras she employed the vous. Alone
together in Paris, strolling through the streets to window shop, or walking
along the quays, where the paving stones were dusty because the weather had
been so dry, they evinced no surprise at seeing the passers-by smile at them,
the way people smile at people who are happy.
Once in a while Sir Stephen
would push her into the recess of a porte-cochere, or beneath the archway of a
building, which was always slightly dark and from which there rose the musty
odor of ancient cellars, and he would kiss her and tell her he loved her. O
would hook her heels over the sill of the porte-cochere out of which the
regular pedestrian door had been cut. They caught a glimpse of a courtyard in
the rear, with lines of laundry drying in the windows. Leaning on one of the
balconies, a blonde girl would be staring fixedly at them. A cat would slip
between their legs. Thus did they stroll through the Gobeline district, by
Saint-Marcel, along the rue Mouffetard, to the area known as the Temple, and to
the Bastille.
Once Sir Stephen suddenly
steered O into a wretched brothel-like hotel, where the desk clerk first wanted
them to fill out the forms, but then said not to bother if it was only for an
hour. The wallpaper in the room was blue, with enormous golden peonies, the
window looked out onto a pit whence rose the odor of garbage cans. However weak
the light bulb at the head of the bed, you could still see streaks of face
powder and forgotten hairpins on the mantelpiece. On the ceiling above the bed
was a large mirror.
Once, but only once, Sir
Stephen invited O to lunch with two of his compatriots who were passing through
Paris. He came for her an hour before she was ready, and instead of having her
driven to his place, he came to the quai de Bethune.
O had finished bathing, but
she had not done her hair or put on her make-up, and was not dressed. To her
surprise, she saw that Sir Stephen was carrying a golf bag, though she saw no
clubs in it. But she soon got over her surprise: Sir Stephen told her to open
the bag. Inside were several leather riding crops, two fairly thick ones of red
leather, two that were long and thin of black leather, a scourge with long
lashes of green leather, each of which was folded back at the end to form a
loop, a dog's whip made of a thick single lash whose handle was of braided
leather and, last but not least, leather bracelets of the sort used at Roissy,
plus some rope. O lad them outside by side on the unmade bed. No matter how
accustomed she became to seeing them, no matter what resolutions she made about
them, she could not keep from trembling. Sir Stephen took her in his arms.
"Which do you prefer,
O?" he asked her.
But she could barely speak,
and already could feel the sweat running down her arms.
"Which do you
prefer?" he repeated. "All right," he said confronted by her
silence, "first you're going to help me."
He asked for some nails,
and having found a way to arrange them in a decorative manner, whips and riding
crosses crossed, he showed O a panel of wainscoting between her mirror and the
fireplace, opposite her bed, which would be ideal for them. He hammered some
nails into the wood. There were rings on the ends of the handles of the whips
and riding crops, by which they could be suspended from the nails, a system
which allowed each whip to be easily taken down and returned to its place on
the wall. Thus, together with the bracelets and the rope, O would have,
opposite her bed, the complete array of her instruments of torture. It was a
handsome panoply, as harmonious as the wheel and spikes in the painting of
Saint Catherine, the martyr, as the nails and hammer, the crown of thorns, the
spear and scourges portrayed in the paintings of the Crucifixion. When
Jacqueline came back... but all this involved Jacqueline, involved her deeply.
She would have to reply to Sir Stephen's question: O could not, he chose the
dog whip himself.
In a tiny private dining
room of the La Pérouse restaurant, along the quays of the Left Bank, a room on
the third floor whose dark walls were brightened by Watteau-like figures in
pastel colors who resembled actors of the puppet theater, O was ensconced alone
on the sofa, with one of Sir Stephen's friends in an armchair to her right,
another to her left, and Sir Stephen across from her. She remembered already
having seen one of the men at Roissy, but she could not recall having been
taken by him. The other was a tall red-haired boy with gray eyes, who could not
have been more than twenty-five. In two words, Sir Stephen told them why he had
invited O, and what she was. Listening to him, O was once again astonished at
the coarseness of his language. But then, how did she expect to be referred to,
if not as a whore, a girl who, in the presence of men (not to mention the
restaurant waiters who kept trooping in and out, since luncheon was being
served) would open her bodice to bare her breasts, the tips of which had been
reddened with lipstick, as they could see, as they could also see from the
purple furrows across her milk-white skin that she had been flogged?
The meal went on for a long
time, and the two Englishmen drank a great deal. Over coffee, when the liqueurs
had been served, Sir Stephen pushed the table back against the opposite wal
and, after having lifted her skirt to show his friends how O was branded and in
irons, left her to them.
The man she had met at
Roissy wasted no time with her: without leaving his armchair, without even
touching her with his fingertips, he ordered her to kneel down in front him,
take him and caress his sex until he discharged in her mouth. After which, he
made her straighten out his clothing, and then he left.
But the red-haired lad, who
had been completely overwhelmed by O's submissiveness and meek surrender, by
her irons and the welts which he had glimpsed on her body, took her by the hand
instead of throwing himself upon her as she had expected, and descended the
stairs, paying not the slightest heed to the sly smiles of the waiters and,
after hailing a taxi, took her back to his hotel room. He did not let her go
till nightfall, after having frantically plowed her fore and aft, both of which
he bruised and belabored unmercifully, he being of an uncommon size and
rigidity and, what is more being totally intoxicated by the sudden freedom
granted him to penetrate a woman doubly and be embraced by her in the way he
had seen ordered to a short while before (something he had never before dared
ask of anyone).
The following day, when O arrived
at Sir Stephen's at two o'clock in answer to his summons, she found him looking
older and his face careworn.
"Eric has fallen head
over heels in love with you, O," he told her. "This morning he called
on me and begged me to grant you your freedom. He told me he wants to marry
you. He wants to save you. You see how I treat you if you're mind, O, and if
you are mine you have no right to refuse my commands; but you also know that
you are always free to choose not to be mine. I told him so. He's coming back
here at three."
O burst out laughing.
"Isn't it a little late?" she said. "You're both quite mad. If
Eric had not come by this morning, what would you have done with me this
afternoon? We would have gone for a walk, nothing more? Then let's go for a walk.
Or perhaps you would not have summoned me this afternoon? In that case I'll
leave...."
"No," Sir Stephen
broke in, "I would have called you, but not to go for a walk. I
wanted..."
"Go on, say it."
"Come, it will be
simpler to show you."
He got up and opened a door
in the wall opposite to the fireplace, a door identical to the one in his
office.
O had always thought that
the door led into a closet which was no longer used. She saw a tiny bedroom,
newly painted, and hung with dark red silk. Half of the room was occupied by a
rounded stage flanked by two columns, identical to the stage in the music room
at Samois.
"The walls and ceiling
are lined with cork, are they not?" O said. "And the door is padded,
and you've had a double window installed?"
Sir Stephen nodded.
"But since when has
all this been done?" O said.
"Since you've been
back."
"Then why?..."
"Why did I wait until
today? Because I first wanted to hand you over to other men. Now I shall punish
you for it. I've never punished you, O."
"But I belong to
you," O said. "Punish me. When Eric comes..."
An hour later, when he was
shown a grotesquely bound and spread-eagled O strapped to the two columns, the
boy blanched, mumbled something and disappeared. O thought she would never see
him again. She ran into him again at Roissy, at the end of September, and he
had her consigned to him for three days in a row, during which he savagely
abused and mistreated her.
The Story
of O
By
Pauline Réage
IV
The Owl
What O
failed completely to understand now was why she had ever been hesitant to speak
to Jacqueline about what René rightly called her true condition. Anne-Marie had
warned her that she would be changed when she left Samois, but O had never
imagined that the change would be so great. With Jacqueline back, more lovely
and radiant than ever, it seemed natural to her to be no more reticent about
revealing herself when she bathed or dressed than she was when she was alone.
And yet Jacqueline was so disinterested in others, in anything that did not
pertain directly to herself, that it was not until the second day after
Jacqueline arrived back and by chance came into the bathroom just as O was
stepping out of the tub, that O jingled her irons against the porcelain to draw
her attention to the odd noise. Jacqueline turned her head, and saw both the
disks hanging between her legs and the black stripes crisscrossing her thighs
and breasts.
"What in the world's
the matter?" she said.
"It's Sir
Stephen," O replied. And she added, as thought it were something to be
taken completely for granted: "René gave me to him, and he's had me
pierced with his rings. Look." And as she dried herself with the bath
towel she came over to Jacqueline, who was so staggered she had slumped onto
the lacquered bathroom stool, close enough so that Jacqueline could take the
disk in her hand and read the inscription; then, slipping down her bathrobe she
turned around and pointed to the initials S and H engraved in her
buttocks and said:
"He also had me
branded with his monogram. As for the rest, that's where I was flogged with a
riding crop. He generally whips me himself, but he also has a Negro maid whip
me."
Dumbfounded, Jacqueline
gazed at O. O burst out laughing and made as though to kiss her.
Terror-stricken, Jacqueline pushed her away and fled into her own room. O
leisurely finished drying herself, put on her perfume, and combed her hair. She
put on her corset, her stockings, her mules, and when she opened the bathroom
door she encountered Jacqueline's gaze in the mirror, before which she was
combing her hair, without having the vaguest notion what she was doing.
"Lace up my corset,
will you?" she said. "You really do look astonished. René's in love
with you, did he say anything about it?"
"I don't
understand," Jacqueline said. And she lost no time revealing what
surprised her the most. "You look as though you were proud of it, I don't
understand."
"You will, after René
takes you to Roissy. By the way, have you already slept with him?"
Jacqueline's face turned a
bright crimson, and she was shaking her head in denial with such little
conviction that once again O burst out laughing.
"You're lying,
darling. Don't be an ass. You have every right in the world to sleep with him.
And I might add that that's no reason to reject me. Come, let me caress you and
I'll tell you all about Roissy."
Had Jacqueline been afraid
that O's jealousy would explode in her face and then yield to her out of relief
when it did not, or was it curiosity, did she want to hear the promised explanations,
or was it merely because she loved the patience, the slowness, the passion of
O's caresses? In any event, yield she did.
"Tell me about
it," she later said to O.
"All right," O
said. "But first kiss the tips of my breasts. It's time you got used to
it, if you're ever to be of any use to René."
Jacqueline did as she was
bade, so well in fact that she wrested a moan from O.
"Tell me about
it," she said.
O's tale, however faithful
and clear it may have been, and notwithstanding the material proof she herself
constituted, seemed completely mad to Jacqueline.
"You mean you're going
back in September?" she said.
"After we've come back
from the Midi," O said. "I'll take you, or René will."
"To see what it's
like, I wouldn't mind that," Jacqueline went on, "but only to see
what it's like."
"I'm sure that can be
arranged," said O, though she was convinced of the contrary. But, she kept
telling herself, if she could only persuade Jacqueline to enter the gates at
Roissy, Sir Stephen would be grateful to her - and once she was in, there would
be enough valets, chains, and whips to teach Jacqueline to obey.
She already knew that the
summer house that Sir Stephen had rented near Cannes on the Riviera, where she
was scheduled to spend the month of August with René, Jacqueline, and him (and
with Jacqueline's younger sister, whom Jacqueline had asked if she could bring
along, not because she cared especially to have her but because her mother had
been hounding her to obtain O's permission), she knew that her room, to which
she was certain she could entice Jacqueline, who would be unable to refuse when
René was away, was separated from Sir Stephen's bedroom by a wall that looked
as though it was full but actually was not; the wall was decorated with a
trompe l'oeil latticework which enabled Sir Stephen to raise a blind on his die
and thus to see and hear as well as if he had been standing beside the bed.
Jacqueline would be surrendering to Sir Stephen's gaze while O was caressing
her, and by the time she found out it would be too late. O was pleased to think
that she could deliver Jacqueline by an act of betrayal, because she had felt
insulted at seeing Jacqueline's contempt for her condition as a flogged and
branded slave, a condition of which O herself was proud.
![]()
O had never been to the
south of France before. The clear blue sky, the almost mirror-like sea, the
motionless pines beneath the burning sun: everything seemed mineral and hostile
to her. "No real trees," she remarked sadly to herself as she gazed
at the fragrant thickets full of shrubs and bushes, where all the tones, and
even the lichens, were warm to the touch. "The sea doesn't even smell like
the sea," she thought. She blamed the sea for washing up nothing more than
an occasional piece of wretched seaweed which looked like dung, she blamed it
for being too blue and for always lapping at the same bit of shore. But in the
garden of Sir Stephen's villa, which was an old farmhouse that had been
restored, they were far from the sea. To left and right, high walls protected
them from the neighbors; the servants' wing faced the entrance courtyard, while
the side of the house overlooking the garden faced the east; O's bedroom was on
this side, and opened directly onto a second story terrace. The tops of the
tall black cypress trees were level with the overlapping hollow tiles which
served as a parapet for the terrace, which was protected from the noon sun by a
reed latticework. The floor of the terrace was of red tile, the same as the
tiles in her bedroom. Aside from the wall which separated O's bedroom from Sir
Stephen's - and this was the wall of a large alcove bounded by an archway and
separated from the rest of the room by a kind of railing similar to the
railings of stairways, with banisters of hand-carved wood - all the other walls
were whitewashed. The thick white run on the tile floor was made of cotton, the
curtains were of yellow-and-white linen. There were two armchairs upholstered
in the same material, and some triple-layered Oriental cushions. The only
furniture was a heavy and very handsome Regency bureau made of walnut, and a
very long, narrow peasant table in light-colored wood which was waxed till it shone
like a mirror. O hung her clothes in a closet.
Jacqueline's little sister
Natalie had been given a room near O's, and in the morning when she knew that O
was taking a sunbath on the terrace, she came out and lay down beside her. She
had snow-white skin, was a shade plump, but her features were none the less
delicate and like her sister, she had slanting eyes, but hers were black and
shining, which made her look Chinese. Her black hair was cut in straight bangs
across her forehead, just above her eyebrows, and in the back was also cut
straight, at the nape of the neck. She had firm, tremulous little breasts, and
her adolescent hips were only beginning to fill out. She too had chanced upon
O, and had taken her quite by surprise, one day when she had dashed out onto
the terrace expecting to find her sister but found O instead, lying there alone
on her stomach on the Oriental pillows. But what had shocked Jacqueline filled
Natalie with envy and desire. She asked her sister about it. Jacqueline's
replies, which were intended to shock and revolt young Natalie by repeating to
her what O had related, in no wise altered Natalie's feelings. If anything, it
accomplished the contrary. She had fallen in love with O. For more than a week
she managed to keep it to herself, then late one Sunday afternoon she managed
to be alone with O.
The weather had been cooler
than normal. René, who had spent part of the morning swimming, was asleep on
the sofa of a cool room on the ground floor. Nettled at seeing that he should
prefer to take a nap, Jacqueline had gone upstairs and joined O in her alcove.
The sea and sun had already made her more golden than before: her hair, her
eyebrows, her eyelashes, her nether fleece, her armpits, all seemed to be
powdered with silver, and since she was not wearing any make-up, her mouth was
the same color pink as the pink flesh between her thighs.
To make sure that Sir
Stephen could see Jacqueline in detail - and O thought to herself that if she
were Jacqueline she would have guessed, or noticed, his invisible presence - O
took pains to pull back her legs and keep them spread in the light of the
bedside lamp which she had turned on. The shutters were closed, the room almost
dark, despite the thin rays of light that spilled in where the wood was not
snug. For more than an hour Jacqueline moaned to O's caressed, and finally, her
breasts aroused, her arms thrown back behind her head while her hands circled
the wooden bars of the headboard of O's Italian-style bed, she began to cry out
when O, parting the lobes hemmed with pale hair, slowly began to bite the crest
of flesh at the point between her thighs where the dainty, supple lips joined.
O felt her rigid and burning beneath her tongue, and wrested cry after cry from
her lips, with no respite, until she suddenly relaxed, the springs broken, and
she lay there moist with pleasure. Then O sent her back to her room, where she
fell asleep.
Jacqueline was awake and
ready, though, when René came for her at five o'clock to go sailing, with
Natalie, in a small sailboat, as they had grown accustomed to doing. A slight
wind usually came up at the end of the afternoon.
"Where's
Natalie?" René said.
Natalie was not in her
room, nor was she anywhere in the house. They went out to the garden and called
her. René went as far as the thicket of scrub oak at the end of the garden; no
one answered.
"Maybe she's already
down at the inlet," René said, "or in the boat."
They left without calling
her any more.
It was at that point that
O, who was lying on the Oriental pillows on her terrace, glanced through the
tile banisters, and saw Natalie running toward the house. She got up, put on
her dressing gown - it was still so warm, even this late in the afternoon, that
she was naked - and was tying her belt when Natalie erupted into the room like
one of the Furies and threw herself at O.
"She's gone," she
shouted, "she's finally gone. I heard her, O, I heard you both, I was
listening behind the door. You kiss her, you caress her. Why don't you caress
me, why don't you kiss me? Is it because I'm dark, because I'm not pretty? She
doesn't love you, O, but I do, I love you!" And she broke down and began
to sob.
"All right,
fine," O said to herself.
She eased the child into an
armchair, took a large handkerchief from her bureau (it was one of Sir
Stephen's), and when Natalie's sobs had subsided a little, wiped away her tears
away. Natalie begged her forgiveness, kissing O's hands.
"Even if you don't
want to kiss me, O, keep me with you. Keep me with you always. If you had a dog,
you'd keep him and take care of him. And even if you don't want to kiss me, but
would enjoy beating me, you can beat me. But don't send me away."
"Keep still, Natalie,
you don't know what you're saying," O murmured, almost in a whisper.
The child, slipping down
and hugging O's knees, also replied in a near-whisper:
"Oh, yes I do. I saw
you the other morning on the terrace. I saw the initials, I saw the long
black-and-blue marks. And Jacqueline has told me..."
"Told you what?"
"Where you've been, O,
and what they did to you there."
"Did she talk to you
about Roissy?"
"She also told me that
you had been, that you are..."
"That I was
what?"
"That you wear iron
rings."
"That's right," O
said, "and what else?"
"That Sir Stephen
whips you every day."
"That's correct,"
O repeated, "and he'll be here any second. So run along, Natalie."
Natalie, without shifting
position, raised her head to O, and O's eyes encountered her adoring gaze.
"Teach me, O, please
teach me," she started in again, "I want to be like you. I'll do
anything you tell me. Promise me you'll take me with you when you go back to
that place Jacqueline told me about."
"You're too
young," O said.
"No, I'm not too
young, I'm fifteen going on sixteen," she cried out angrily. "I'm not
too young. Ask Sir Stephen," she said, for he had just entered the room.
Natalie was granted
permission to remain with O, and extracted the promise that she would be taken
to Roissy. But Sir Stephen forbade O to teach her the least caress, not even a
kiss on the lips, and also gave strict instructions that O was not to allow
Natalie to kiss her. He had every intention of having her reach Roissy
completely untouched by hands or lips. By way of compensation, what he did
demand, since Natalie was loath to leave O, was that she not leave her a single
moment, that she witness O caressing both Jacqueline and himself, that she be
present when O yielded to him and when he whipped her, or when she was flogged
by old Norah. The kisses with which O smothered her sister, O's mouth glued to
her, made Natalie quiver with jealousy and hate. But glowering on the carpet in
the alcove, at the foot of O's bed, like little Dinarzade at the foot of
Scheherazade's bed, she watched each time that O, tied to the wooden
balustrade, writhed and squirmed beneath the riding crop, saw O on her knees
humbling receiving Sir Stephen's massive upright sex in her mouth, saw her,
prostate, spread her own buttocks with both hands to offer him the after
passage - she witnessed all these things with no other feelings but those of
admiration, envy, and impatience.
It was about this same time
that a change took place in Jacqueline: perhaps O had counted too heavily both
on Jacqueline's indifference and her sensuality, perhaps Jacqueline herself
naively felt that surrendering herself to O was dangerous for her relations
with René: but whatever the reason, she suddenly ceased coming to O. At the
same time, she seemed to be keeping herself aloof from René, with whom,
whoever, she was spending almost every day and every night. She had never acted
as though she were in love with him. She studied him coldly, and when she
smiled at him, her eyes remained cold. Even assuming that she was as completely
abandoned with him as she was with O, which was quite likely, O could not help
thinking that this surrender was superficial. Whereas René was head over heels
in love with her, paralyzed by a love such as he had never known before, a
worrisome, uncertain love, one he was far from sure was requited, a love that
acts not, for fear of offending. He lived, he slept in the same house as Sir
Stephen, the same house as O, he lunched, he dined, he went on walks with Sir
Stephen, with O, he conversed with them both: he didn't see them, he didn't
hear what they said. He saw, he heard, he talked through them, beyond them, and
as in a dream when one tried to catch a departing train or clings desperately
to the parapet of a collapsing bridge, he was forever trying to understand the raison
d'être, the truth which must have been lurking somewhere inside Jacqueline,
under that golden skin, like the mechanism inside a crying doll.
"Well," thought
O, "the day I was so afraid would arrive is here, the day when I'd merely
be a shadow in René's past. And I'm not even sad; the only thing I feel for him
is pity, and even knowing he doesn't desire me any longer, I can see him every
day without any trace of bitterness, without the least regret, without even
feeling hurt. And yet only a few weeks ago, I dashed all the way across town to
his office, to beg him to tell me he still loved me. Was that all my love was,
all it meant? So light, so easily gone and forgotten? Is solace that simple?
And solace is not even the right word: I'm happy. Do you mean to say it was
enough for him to have given me to Sir Stephen for me to be detached from him,
for me to find a new love so easily in the arms of another?"
But then, what was René
compared to Sir Stephen? Ropes of straw, anchors of cork, paper chains: these
were the real symbols of the bonds with which he had held her, and which he had
been so quick to sever. But what a delight and comfort, this iron ring which
pierces the flesh and weighs one down forever, this mark eternal, how peaceful
and reassuring the hand of a master who lays you on a bed of rock, the love of
a master who knows how to take what he loves ruthlessly, without pity. And O
said to herself that, in the final analysis, with René she had been an
apprentice to love, she had loved him only to learn how to give herself,
enslaved and surfeited, to Sir Stephen. But to see René, who had been so free
with her - and she had loved his free ways - walking as though he were hobbled,
like someone whose legs were ensnarled in the water and reeds of a pond whose
surface seems calm but which, deeper down, swirls with subterranean currents,
to see him thus, filled O with hate for Jacqueline. Did René dimly perceive her
feelings? Did O carelessly reveal how she felt? In any case, O committed an
error.
One afternoon she and
Jacqueline had gone to Cannes together to the hairdresser, alone, then to the
Reserve Café for an ice cream on the terrace. Jacqueline was superb in her
tight-fitting black slacks and sheer black sweater, eclipsing even the
brilliance of the children around her she was so bronzed and sleek, so hard and
bright in the burning sun, so insolent and inaccessible. She told O she had
made an appointment there with the director whose picture she had been playing
in in Paris, to arrange for taking some exteriors, probably in the mountains
above Saint-Paul-de-Vence. And there he was, forthright and determined. He
didn't need to open his mouth, it was obvious he was in love with Jacqueline.
All one had to do was see the way he looked at her. What was so surprising
about that? Nothing; but what was surprising was Jacqueline. Half reclining in
one of those adjustable beach chairs, Jacqueline listened to him as he talked
of dates to be set, appointments to be made, of the problems of raising enough
money to finish the half-completed picture. He used the tu form in
addressing Jacqueline, who replied with a mere nod or shake of her head,
keeping her eyes half-closed. O was seated across from Jacqueline, with him
between them. It took no great act of perception to notice that Jacqueline,
whose eyes were lowered, was watching, from beneath the protection of those
motionless eyelids, the young man's desire, the way she always did when she
thought no one was looking. But strangest of all was how upset she seemed, her
hands quiet at her side, her face serious and expressionless, without the trace
of a smile, something she had never displayed in René's presence. A fleeting,
almost imperceptible smile on her lips as O leaned forward to set her glass of
ice water on the table and their eyes met, was all O needed to realize that
Jacqueline was aware that O knew the game was up. It didn't bother her, though;
it was rather O who blushed.
"Are you too
warm?" Jacqueline said. "We'll be leaving in five minutes. Red is
becoming to you, by the way."
Then she smiled again, turning
her gaze to her interlocutor, a smile so utterly tender that it seemed
impossible he would not hasten to embrace her. But he did not. He was too young
to know that motionlessness and silence can be the lair of immodesty. He
allowed Jacqueline to get up, shook hands with her, and said goodbye. She would
phone him. He also said goodbye to the shadow that O represented for him, and
stood on the sidewalk watching the black Buick disappear down the avenue
between the sun-drenched houses and the dark, almost purple sea. The palm trees
looked as though they had been cut out of metal, the strollers like poorly
fashioned wax models, animated by some absurd mechanism.
"You really like him
all that much?" O said to Jacqueline as the car left the city and moved along
the upper coast road.
"Is that any business
of yours?" Jacqueline responded.
"It's René's
business," she retorted.
"What is René's
business, and Sir Stephen's, and, if I understand it correctly, a number of
other people's, is the fact that you're badly seated. You're going to wrinkle
your dress."
O failed to move.
"And I also
thought," Jacqueline added, "that you weren't supposed to cross your
legs."
But O was no longer
listening. What did she care about Jacqueline's threats. If Jacqueline threatened
to inform on her for that peccadillo, what did she think would keep her from
denouncing Jacqueline in turn to René? Not that O lacked the desire to. But
René would not be able to bear the news that Jacqueline was lying to him, or
that she had plans of her own which did not include him. How could she make
Jacqueline believe that if she were to keep still, it would be to avoid seeing
René lose face, turning pale over someone other than herself, and perhaps
revealing himself to be too weak to punish her? How could she convince her that
her silence, even more, would be the result of her fear at seeing René's wrath
turned against her, the bearer of ill tidings, the informer? How could she tell
Jacqueline that she would not say a word, without giving the impression that
she was making a mutual non-betrayal pact with her? For Jacqueline had the idea
that O was terrified, terrified to death at what would happen to her if she,
Jacqueline, talked.
From that point on, until
they got out of the car in the courtyard of the old farm, they did not exchange
another word. Without glancing at O, Jacqueline picked a white geranium growing
beside the house. O was following closely enough behind to catch a whiff of the
strong, delicate odor of the leaf crumpled between her hands. Did she believe
she would thus be able to mask the odor of her own sweat, which was marking
darkening circles beneath the arms of her sweater and causing the black
material to cling to her armpits.
In the big whitewashed room
with the red-tile floor, René was alone.
"You're late," he
said when they came in. "Sir Stephen's waiting for you in the next
room," he added, nodding to O. "He needs you for something. He's not
in a very good mood."
Jacqueline burst out
laughing, and O looked at her and turned red.
"You could have saved
it for another time," said René, who misinterpreted both Jacqueline's
laugh and O's concern.
"That's not the
reason," Jacqueline said, "but I might say, René, your obedient
beauty isn't so obedient when you're not around. Look at her dress, you see how
wrinkled it is?"
O was standing in the
middle of the room, facing René. He told her to turn around; she was rooted to
the spot.
"She also crosses her
legs," Jacqueline added, "but that you won't be able to see, of
course. As you won't be able to see the way she accosts the boys."
"That's not
true," O shouted, "you're the one!" and she leaped at
Jacqueline.
René grabbed her just as
she was about to hit Jacqueline, and she went on struggling in his arms merely
for the sake of feeling weaker than he, of being at his mercy, when, lifting
her head, she saw Sir Stephen standing in the doorway looking at her.
Jacqueline had thrown
herself down on the sofa, her tiny face hardened with anger and fear, and O
could feel that René, though he had his hands full trying to subdue her, had
eyes only for Jacqueline. She ceased resisting and crestfallen at the idea of
having been found wanting in the presence of Sir Stephen, she repeated, this
time almost in a whisper:
"It's not true, I
swear it's not true."
Without uttering a word,
without so much as a glance at Jacqueline, Sir Stephen made a sign to René to
let O go, and to O to go into the other room. But on the other side of the door
O, who was immediately wedged against the wall, her belly and breasts seized,
her lips forced apart by Sir Stephen's insistent tongue, moaned with happiness
and deliverance. The points of her breasts stiffened beneath his hand's caress,
and with his other hand Sir Stephen probed her loins so roughly she thought she
would faint. Would she ever dare to tell him that no pleasure, no joy, no
figment of her imagination could ever compete with the happiness she felt at
the way he used her with such utter freedom, at the notion that he could do
anything with her, that there was no limit, no restriction in the manner with
which, on her body, he might search for pleasure. Her absolute certainty that
when he touched her, whether it was to fondle or flog her, when he ordered her
to do something it was solely because he wanted to, her certainty that all he
cared about was his own desire, so overwhelmed and gratified O that each time
she saw new proof of it, and often even when it merely occurred to her in
thought, a cape of fire, a burning breastplate extending from the shoulders to
the knees, descended upon her. As she was there, pinned against the wall, her
eyes closed, her lips murmuring "I love you" when she could find the
breath to say them, Sir Stephen's hands, though they were as cool as the waters
of a bubbling spring on the fire coursing through her from head to toe, made
her burn even hotter. Gently he released her, dropping her skirt down over her
moist thighs, closing her bolero over her quivering breasts.
"Come, O," he
said, "I need you."
Then, opening her eyes, O
noticed that they were not alone. The big, bare, whitewashed room, identical in
all respects to the living room, also opened, through a French door, onto the
garden. Seated in a wicker chair on the terrace, which lay between the house
and garden, an enormous man, a giant of a creature with a cigarette between his
lips, his head shaved and his vast belly swelling beneath his open shirt and
cloth trousers, was gazing at O. He rose and moved toward Sir Stephen, who was
shoving O ahead of him. It was then that O noticed, dangling at the end of his
watch chain, the Roissy insignia that the man was sporting. Still, Sir Stephen
politely introduced him to O, simply as "Commander," with no name
attached, and much to O's surprise she saw that he was kissing her hand, the
first time it had happened since she had been involved with Roissy members
(with the exception of Sir Stephen).
All three of them came back
into the room, leaving the door open. Sir Stephen walked over to one end of the
fireplace and rang. On the Chinese table beside the sofa, O saw a bottle of
whisky, some soda water, and glasses. So he was not ringing for something to
drink. At the same time she noticed a large cardboard box on the floor beside
the fireplace. The man from Roissy had sat down on a wicker chair, Sir Stephen
was half-seated on the edge of the round table, with one leg dangling. O, who
had been motioned over to the sofa, had meekly raised her skirt and could feel
the prickly cotton of the roughly woven Provençal upholstery.
It was Norah who came in.
Sir Stephen ordered her to undress O and remove her clothing from the room. O
allowed her to take off her bolero, her dress, her whalebone belt which
constricted her waist, and her sandals. As soon as she had stripped O
completely, Norah left, and O, automatically reverting to the rules of Roissy,
and certain that all Sir Stephen waned from her was perfect submissiveness,
remained standing in the middle of the room, her eyes lowered, so that she
sensed rather than saw Natalie slip in through the open window, dressed in
black like her sister, barefoot and silent. Sir Stephen had doubtless explained
who she was and why she was there; to his visitor he merely mentioned her name,
to which the visitor did not respond, and asked her to make them a drink. As
soon as she had handed them some whisky, soda, water, and the ice cubes (and,
in the silence, the clink of the ice cubes against the side of the glass made a
harrowing racket), the Commander got up from his wicker chair, in which he had
been sitting while O was being undressed and, with his glass in his hand,
walked over to O. O thought that, with his free hand, he was going to take her
breast or seize her belly. But he did not touch her, confining himself to
scrutinizing her closely, from her parted lips to her parted knees. He circled
her, studying her breasts, her thighs, her hindquarters, inspecting her in
detail but offering no comment, and this careful scrutiny and the presence of
this gigantic body so close to her overwhelmed O so that she wasn't sure
whether she wanted to run away or, on the contrary, have him throw her down and
crush her. So upset was she that she lost control and raised her eyes toward
Sir Stephen, searching for help. He understood, smiled, came over to her, and
talking both her hands, pulled them behind her back, and held them in one of
his. She leaned back against him, her eyes closed, and it was in a dream, or at
least in the dusk of a near-sleep born of exhaustion, the way she had heard as
a child, still half under the influence of ether, the nurses talking about her,
thinking she was still asleep, of her hair, her pallor, her flat belly where
only the faint early signs of pubescence were showing, it was in a dream that
she heard the stranger complimenting Sir Stephen on her, paying special due to
the pleasant contrast between her ample bosom and the narrow waist, the irons
which he found longer, thicker, and more visible than usual. At the same time,
she learned that Sir Stephen had in all probability consented to lend her to
him the following week, since he was thanking Sir Stephen for something. At
which point Sir Stephen, taking her by the nape of the neck, gently told her to
wake up and, with Natalie, to go upstairs and wait in her room.
Had she good reason to be
so upset, and to be so annoyed at Natalie who, elated at the prospect of seeing
O opened by someone other than Sir Stephen, was doing a kind of wild Indian
dance around her and shouting:
"Do you think he'll go
into your mouth too, O?" You should have seen the way he was looking at
your mouth! Oh, how lucky you are to be desired like that! I'm sure that he'll
whip you: he came back three times to those marks where you can see you've been
whipped. At least you won't be thinking about Jacqueline then!"
"I'm not always
thinking about Jacqueline, you silly fool," O replied.
"No! I'm not silly and
I'm not a fool. I know very well you miss her," the child said.
It was true, but not
completely. What O missed was not, properly speaking, Jacqueline, but the use
of a girl's body, with no restrictions attached. If Natalie had not been
declared off-limits to her, she would have taken Natalie, and the only reason
she had not violated the restriction was her certainty that Natalie would be
given to her at Roissy in a few weeks' time, and that, some time previously,
Natalie would be handed over in her presence by her, and thanks to her. She was
burning to demolish the wall of air, of space, of - to use the correct term -
void between Natalie and her, and yet at the same time she was enjoying the
wait imposed upon her. She said so to Natalie, who only shook her head and
refused to believe her.
"If Jacqueline were
her, and were willing," she said, "you'd caress her."
"Of course I
would," O said with a laugh.
"There, you see,"
the child broke in.
How could she make her
understand - and was it even worth the effort? - that it wasn't so much that
she was in love with Jacqueline, nor for that matter with Natalie or any other
girl in particular, but that she was only in love with girls as such, girls in
general - the way one can be in love with one's own image - but in her case she
always thought the other girls were more lovely and desirable than she found
herself to be. The pleasure she derived from seeing a girl pant beneath her
caresses, seeing her eyes close and the tips of her breasts stiffen beneath her
lips and teeth, the pleasure she got from exploring her fore and aft with her
hand - and from feeling her tighten around her fingers, then sigh and moan -
was more than she could bear; and if this pleasure was so intense, it was only
because it made her constantly aware of the pleasure which she in turn gave
when she tightened around whoever was holding her, whenever she sighed or
moaned, with this difference, that she could not conceive of being given thus
to a girl, the way this girl was given to her, but only to a man. Moreover, it
seemed to her that the girls she caressed belonged by right to the man to whom
she belonged, and that she was only present by proxy. Had Sir Stephen come into
her room during one of those previous afternoons when Jacqueline had been wont
to nap with her, and found O caressing her, she would have spread her charge's
thighs and held them apart with both hands, without the slightest remorse, and
in fact with the greatest of pleasure, if had pleased Sir Stephen to possess
her, rather than peering at her through the trellised wall as he had one. She
was apt at hunting, a naturally trained bird of prey who would beat the game
and always bring it back to the hunter. And speaking of the devil...
It was at this point, just
as she was thinking again with beating heart of Jacqueline's lips, so pink and
dainty beneath her downy fir, of the even more delicate and pinker ring between
her buttocks, which she had only dared force on three occasions, that she heard
Sir Stephen moving about in his room. She knew that he could see her, although
she could not see him, and once again she felt that she was fortunate indeed to
be constantly exposed this way, constantly imprisoned by these all-encompassing
eyes. Young Natalie was seated on the white rug in the middle of the room, like
a fly in a bowl of milk; while O, standing in front of the massive bureau which
also served as her dressing table, and able to see herself from head to waist
in a slightly greenish antique mirror which was streaked like wrinkles in a
pond, looked for all the world like one of those late nineteenth-century prints
in which the women are wandering naked through their chambers in a subdued
light, even though it is mid-summer.
When Sir Stephen pushed
open the door, she turned around so abruptly that one of the irons between her
legs struck one of the bronze knobs of the bureau upon which she was leaning,
and jingled.
"Natalie," Sir
Stephen said, "run downstairs and get the white cardboard box in the front
living room."
When Natalie came back, she
set the box down on the bed, opened it, and one by one removed the objects
inside, unwrapping the paper in which they were packed, and handing them to Sir
Stephen. They were masks, a combination headpiece and mask; it was obvious they
had been made to cover the entire head, with the exception of the mouth and
chin - and of course the slits for eyes. Sparrow-hawk, falcon, owl, fox, lion,
bull: nothing but animal masks, but scaled to the size of the human head, made
of real fur and feathers, the eye crowned with lashes when the actual animal
had lashes (as the lion), and with the pelts or feathers descending to the
shoulders of the person wearing them. To make the mask fit snugly along the
upper lips (there was an orifice for each nostril) and along both cheeks, all
one had to do was adjust a fairly loose strap concealed inside this cope-like
affair which hung down the back. A frame made of molded, hardened cardboard
located between the outside facing and the inner lining of skin, kept the shape
of the mask rigid. In front of the full-length mirror, O tried on each of the
masks. The most striking, and the one she thought transformed her most and was
also most natural, was one of the owl masks (there were two), no doubt because
it was composed of tan and tawny feathers whose color blended beautifully with
her tan; the cope of feathers almost completely concealed her shoulders,
descending half way down her back and, in front, to the nascent curve of her
breasts. Sir Stephen had her rub the lipstick from her lips, then said to her
as she took off the mask:
"All right, you'll be
an owl for the Commander. But O, and I hope you forgive me, you'll be taken on
a leash. Natalie, go look in the top drawer of my desk, you'll find a chain and
some pliers."
Natalie came back with the
chain and pliers, which Sir Stephen used to force open the last link, fastened
it to the second ring that O was wearing in her loins, then forced it closed
again. The chain, similar to those used for dogs - in fact that was what it was
- was between four and five feet long, with a leather strap on one end. After O
had donned the mask, Sir Stephen told Natalie to take the end of the chain and
walk around the room, ahead of O. Three times Natalie paraded around the room,
trailing O behind her by the rings, O being naked and masked.
"Well, I must
say," Sir Stephen remarked, "the Commander was right, all the hair
will have to be removed. But that can wait till tomorrow. Meanwhile, keep your
chain on."
That evening, and for the
first time in the company of Jacqueline and Natalie, of René and Sir Stephen, O
dined naked, her chain pulled up between her legs and across her buttocks and
wrapped around her waist. Norah was alone serving, and O avoided her gaze. Two
hours before, Sir Stephen had summoned her.
What shocked and upset the
girl at the beauty parlor the following day, more than the irons and the black
and blue marks on her lower back, were the brand new lacerations. O had gone
there to have the offending hair removed, and it did no good to explain to her
that this wax-type depilatory, a method in which the wax is applied and allowed
to harden, then suddenly removed, taking the hair with it - was no more painful
than being struck with the riding crop. No matter how many times she repeated
it, or made an attempt to explain, if not what her fate was, at least that she
was happy, there was no way of reassuring her or allaying her feeling of
disgust and terror. The only visible result of O's efforts to soothe her was
that, instead of being looked upon with pity, as she had been at first, she was
beheld with horror. It made no difference how kind and profuse were her thanks
when she left the little alcove where she had been spread-eagled as though for
love, nor did it matter how generous a tip she gave as she left, when it was
all over, she had the feeling that she was being evicted rather than leaving of
her own free will. What did she care? It was obvious to her that there was
something shocking about the contrast between the fur on her belly and the
feathers on her mask, as it was obvious that this air of an Egyptian statue,
which this mask lent her, and which her broad shoulders, narrow waist, and long
legs only served to emphasize, to demand that her flesh be perfectly smooth.
Only the effigies of primitive goddesses portrayed so proudly and openly the
cleft of the belly between whose outer lips appeared the more delicate line of
the lower lips. And had any ever been seen sporting rings in their nether lips?
O recalled the plump red-haired girl at Anne-Marie's who had said that all her
master ever used the belly ring for was to attach her at the foot of the bed,
and she had also said that the reason he wanted her shaved was because only in
that way was she completely naked. O was worried about displeasing Sir Stephen,
who so enjoyed pulling her over to him by the fleece, but she was mistaken: Sir
Stephen found her more moving that way, and after she had donned her mask,
having removed all trace of lipstick above and below, the upper and nether lips
then being so uncommonly pale, that he caressed her almost timidly, the way one
does with an animal one wants to tame.
He had told her nothing
about the place to which he was taking her, nor indicated the time they would
have to leave, nor had he said who the Commander's guests would be. But he came
and spent the rest of the afternoon sleeping beside her, and in the evening had
dinner brought up to the room, for the two of them.
They left an hour before
midnight, in the Buick, O swathed in a great brown mountaineer's cape and
wearing wooden clogs on her feet. Natalie, in a black sweater and slacks, was
holding her chain, the leather strap of which was attached to the leather
bracelet Natalie was wearing on her right wrist. Sir Stephen was driving. The
moon was almost full, and illuminated the road with large snowlike spots, also
illuminating the trees and houses of the villages through which they passed,
leaving everything else as black as India ink. Here and there, groups of people
were still clustered, even at this hour, on the thresholds of streetside doors,
and they could feel the people's curiosity aroused the passage of that closed
car (Sir Stephen had not lowered the top). Some dogs were barking. On the side
of the road bathed in moonlight, the olive trees looked like the silver clouds
floating six feet above the ground, and the cypresses like black feathers.
There was nothing real about this country, which night had -turned into
make-believe, nothing except the smell of sage and lavender. The road continued
to climb, but the same warm layer of air still lay heavy over the earth. O
slipped her cape down off her shoulders. She couldn't be seen, there was not a
soul left in sight.
Ten minutes later, having
skirted a forest of green oak on the crest of a hill, Sir Stephen slowed down
before a long wall into which was cut a porte-cochere, which opened at the
approach of the car. He parked in some forecourt as they were closing the gate
behind him, then got out and helped Natalie and O out, first having ordered O
to leave her cape and clogs in the car.
The door he pushed open
revealed a cloister with Renaissance arcades on three sides, the fourth side
being an extension of the flagstone court of the cloister proper. A dozen
people were dancing on the terrace and in a courtyard, a few women with very
low-cut dresses and some men in white dinner jackets were seated at small
tables lighted by the candlelight; the record player was in the left-hand
gallery, and a buffet table had been set up in the gallery to the right.
The moon provided as much
light as the candles, though, and when it fell upon O, who was being pulled
forward by her black little shadow, Natalie, those who noticed her stopped
dancing, and the men got to their feet. The boy near the record player, sensing
that something was happening, turned around and, taken completely aback,
stopped the record. O had come to a halt; Sir Stephen, motionless two steps behind
her, was also waiting.
The Commander dispersed
those who had gathered around O and had already called for torches to examine
her more closely.
"Who is she,"
they were saying, "who does she belong to?"
"You, if you
like," he replied, and he led O and Natalie over to a corner of the
terrace where a stone bench covered with cushions was set against a low wall.
When O was seated, her back
against the wall, her hands lying on her knees, with Natalie on the ground to
the left of her feet, still holding onto the chain, he turned around to them.
O's eyes searched for Sir Stephen, and at first could not find him. Then she
sensed his presence, reclining on a chaise lounge at the other corner of the
terrace. He was able to see her, she was reassured. The music had begun again,
the dancers were dancing again. As they danced, one or two couples moved over
in her direction, as though by accident at first, then one of the couples
dropped the pretense and, with the woman leading the way, marched boldly over.
O stared at them with eyes that, beneath her plumage, were darkened with
bister, eyes opened wide like the eyes of the nocturnal bird she was
impersonating, and the illusion was so extraordinary that no one thought of
questioning her, which would have been the most natural thing to do, as though
she were a real owl, deaf to human language, and dumb.
From midnight to dawn,
which began to lighten the eastern sky at about five, as the moon waned and
descended toward the west, people came up to her several times and some even
touched her, they formed a circle around her several times and several times
they parted her knees and lifted the chain, bringing with them on of those
two-branched candlesticks of Provençal earthenware - and she could feel the
flames from the candles warming the inside of her thighs - to see how she was
attached.
There was even one drunken
American who, laughing, grabbed her, but when he realized that he had seized a
fistful of flesh and the chain which pierced her, he suddenly sobered up, and O
saw his face fill with the same expression of horror and contempt that she had
seen on the face of the girl who had given her a depilatory; he turn and fled.
There was another girl,
very young, a girl with bare shoulders and a choker of pearls around her neck,
wearing one of those white dresses young girls wear to their first ball, two
tea-scented roses at her waist and a pair of golden slippers on her feet, and a
boy made her sit down next to O, on her right. Then he took her hand and made
her caress O's breasts, which quivered to the touch of the cool, light fingers,
and touch her belly, and the chain, and the hole through which it passed, the
young girl silently, did as she was bid, and when the boy said he planned to do
the same thing to her, she did not seem shocked. But even though they thus made
use of O, and even though they used her in this way as a model, or the subject
of a demonstration, not once did anyone ever speak to her directly. Was she
then of stone or wax, or rather some creature from another world, and did they
think it pointless to speak to her? Or didn't they dare?
It was only after daybreak,
after all the dancers had left, that Sir Stephen and the Commander, awakening
Natalie who was asleep at O's feet, helped O to her feet, led her to the middle
of the courtyard, unfastened her chain and removed her mask and, laying her
back upon a table, possessed her one after the other.
![]()
In a final chapter,
which has been suppressed, O returned to Roissy, where she was abandoned by Sir
Stephen.
There exists a second
ending to the story of O, according to which O, seeing that Sir Stephen was
about to leave her, said she would prefer to die. Sir Stephen gave her his
consent.